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Success, standards and still holding out for Johnny thread 18

(1000 Posts)
ChaoticismyLife Thu 19-Jul-12 22:01:37

Forget the olympics...we're aiming for dating gold.

Only the best is good enough.

As you

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 22:07:00

Can I just say I have had the most perfect evening with a male friend. (from ages back) got here at 5, only just left. Just cuddled up on the sofa watching tele, however rubbish it might be, chatting and laughing.

Aah these were the times I miss.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Thu 19-Jul-12 22:14:42

I had a really good coffee date today.

We chatted for hours and the conversation flowed really well. He made me laugh and was friendly and warm.

I'd like to see him again. And we might at the weekend.

But I messaged him at about 7 to say thanks for a lovely
Afternoon and I hope to see you soon but he's not replied. I'm trying not to be pessimistic but he's always replied more or less straight away sad

He said he really enjoyed it and would love to see me at the weekend so I don't know what happened. He seemed happy when we said goodbye.

Maybe I'm just panicking after a long long time off the dating scene!

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 22:17:45

Maybe he is doing that guy thing of playing it cool. Well maybe someone should tell them it isn't cool at all.

ChaoticismyLife Thu 19-Jul-12 22:23:37

Maybe he's got his phone on charge or something and hasn't received it yet.

Last Saturday afternoon I put my phone on charge. I remembered to take it off again Monday morning blush Give him time and don't jump to conclusions just yet.

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 22:36:56

True, or maybe he is avoiding looking at it cos he thinks its gonna say you dont want to see him again?

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Thu 19-Jul-12 22:40:06

I know. Can't believe I'm being so cliched.

And I thought the hard bit was the pre-date nerves!

mercury7 Thu 19-Jul-12 22:53:39

Charlie, I know how you feel but dont panic, I'm sure it'll be fine, my suggestion is play it cool and leave the ball in his courtsmile

Lueji Thu 19-Jul-12 22:54:20

There could be lots of reasons, Charlie.

If he doesn't say anything by tomorrow, then forget about him and act cooler if/when he gets in contact.

A they say, plenty of fish. grin

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 23:10:46

My male friend from tonight has actually messaged me saying they forgot how good it was spending time with me!!!!! And he wants to take me out!!!! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY.

sorry. i have always liked him too. I know i said i was on the sofa, but hey come on, i wasnt expecting it just wanted to pop over tonight, we have been chatting since i moved back here 8 months ago but not got round to catching up. Nothing sexual happened either.

hatesponge Thu 19-Jul-12 23:11:52

From the last thread...

izzy I honestly dont know why I dont get a second date. Bad luck, karma, something I do or don't do, who knows. I'd love to think there was an answer, a simple reason & I could have a 'eureka' moment & that would fix it all but I don't foresee that happening.

Of my dates this year (8 in total) I would have seen all but one (the one I met on Sunday) again.

All of them either during the date or shortly after expressed a wish to see me again - so 7 not counting the one I didnt like. I then made definite arrangements for the fabled 2nd date with 4 of them, none of which happened, and the other 3 just stopped contacting me, having asked to see me again, without arranging anything. (One of them turned out not to be single - but he'd already disappeared before I found that out).

So we have a date, they like me, they ask to see me again, we arrange/we dont arrange, and they're gone.

Charlie please dont let the above tale of woe make you downhearted re your date though. I am just really unlucky when it comes to dates, its not this bad for most people! Generally when a man says he wants to see you again he means it, albeit not in my case smile

MrsToddNeeLovett Thu 19-Jul-12 23:18:32

I have a date for tomorrow night. I'll update on how it goes when I get in smile

Lueji Thu 19-Jul-12 23:22:02

Sponge, speaking as a scientist, 8 is not that great a number.
It's about once a month.
So, it can easily be a statistical glitch.

They happen.
Out of 1000s of people dating, a few will have a run of 8 or more dates with no follow up.

Nothing to do with you.

That's good, MLM. smile

Mr VN is at some birthday dinner and has just rung anyway. Ahhh
Either that or on a date... shock
I'm preparing myself for disappointment, but for some reason I do trust him.

MyLittleMiracles Thu 19-Jul-12 23:25:15

I am seeing him again on monday, so excited. he only left about an hour and a half ago, again coming to me after little man goes bed etc, <i have known him years so this is perfectly safe> wont be staying the night. not for a long long time, i might let him have a peck on the cheek, but no more. like you told me, dont give out more than i want to. I didnt tonight, plenty of cuddles made each other laugh, so all good. right, i am more than happy to give out laughter and cuddles.

hatesponge Thu 19-Jul-12 23:39:52

No, 8 isnt that many. And looking at it purely as 8 dates no second dates doesnt seem so bad But I think the fact all 8 (or 7 discounting the one I didnt want to see) said they wanted to see me again makes it more surprising (at least in my view) that not one second date has actually happened.

But it is as it is. Looks like I may be waiting a while for a 2nd date to come along...

lubeybooby Thu 19-Jul-12 23:47:38

Hello all!

Still happilyish ambling along here with me chap... I don't know why though but I just have this feeling we aren't going to last out the year.

Happily-ish isn't really what I want, and i've been feeling a bit CBA with it all.

Hmm but then it has been five months so maybe just the end of the 'honeymoon' period approaching (or already here)

I am a bit up and down though it has to be said so next week i might be all giddy and ridiculously in love again <rolls eyes>

and we just spent the weekend and then three weekdays together so I'm still in the 'relieved to be able to slob out and wear leggings' stage!

Hope all here are well and happy, not checked in for aaaaages been so busy.

Lueji Thu 19-Jul-12 23:54:45

Some men lie and some drift off.

It could still be a statistical glitch.

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 06:40:35

Sponge, every single date I have ever had, has said at the end, they would like to see me again, or it was fun, lets do it again, or something in that form. Lots were after, but never actually asked me out again.
It's just what people say at the end of the date smile it doesn't mean anything, what does mean somethihg is if they call/ text and ask you out again, and if this hasn't happened 48rs aftet the date,, its not going to happen.

We all keep telling you It's not you, Its just the nature of online dating, but you seem insistant on beating yourself, constantly, with a big stick. I'm not going to keep repeating it, so ill just leave it as that.

Lubey!!!! We miss you on here smile
So, Whats up, what are the niggles, is it him, or you with cold feet, is it the long distance thing ( in the way that much time apart, then.super intense when you do see each other) is it Because you know he will be going away with his job?

Charlie - balls in.his courts, wait it out, but if it gets to 48 hrs ( 24hrs really. If he was in regular contact before) and he hasn't replied, then move on smile

I won a ton of Brownie points from mrl earlier. We had plans for sat afternoon through to Monday. But his fav band got a last min gig at a pub near me. I saw this on fb. He didn't say anything, but I knew he would want to go, but wouldn't cancel with me, so, I told him I had seen they were playing, and he should go, and we could do what we had planned ( bevsgse we were going out) later in the week. He was gobsmacked, told me I was amazing etc... Etc smile

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 07:17:45

Actually sponge, just thought of it this way ( all the best thinking happens in the shower!!! )
Imagine you went to a party, and there were 8 men there, would you feel so wretched if you found out noone of them were interested, no, course you wouldn't, because that would be insane!!!
A first date, isn't really a date, It's a meeting, chemistry/ attraction is a weird thing and not something you know till you meet face to face. No matter how well you think the date has gone, you don't know what the other person is attracted too or what their intentions re dating are, ie- if they are just interested in dating a large amount of women, whatever you look like/ say/ do will have no Consequence so, more often than not, It's a dud meeting.

I had way more dates than you. 60 ish, with second dates from less than 10. ( actually from about 5/6) that blows your 8 out of the water smile

It wasn't me, I'm lovely. And not ugly, and am interesting, and fun smile

I did literally nothing different with mrl. I just finally got Lucky.

It is a numbers game. But you need to toughen up and stop letting people that don't know you/ matter affect you so much. Or if you are feeling so awful, take a break from it all. Because It's just not good.

KirstyWirsty Fri 20-Jul-12 07:34:24

Just marking my spot .. as you were smile

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 08:10:31

watch in fairness they did all ask to see me again after the date, not just during. and with 4 I made definite arrangements. If I went to a party, met 8 blokes I got on ok with and made arrangements to see 4 again and never saw any of them again I'd be pretty disappointed I think, not unreasonably so.

And yes I know its a numbers game. But thats just 8 this year, theres been a fair few more of course in previous years which never came to anything either. From what I hear from friends and colleagues in RL who internet date, they generally get second dates a lot more often - maybe 1 in 3 or 4 times (and thats the ones they want to see, not just the ones who offer that maybe they dont).

Perhaps they're just luckier than me. but then if it is just random luck I could carry on for another 4 years, or 10 years, or even longer exactly the same. Which is not an appealing prospect.

I have taken a break from it. I think I'm on about my 6th profile this year. I have deleted myself, given up with it, tried meeting people in RL etc, but with no more success than online. Hence I have to keep going with it.

feelinglonely Fri 20-Jul-12 08:56:47

Charlie:if you dont hear from him just move on he is just not interested.
watch:happy for you.
sponge:come on stop blaming yourself,keep going until the right man comes along,dont take it serious and be positive.
Cancelled my date with Mr 46 this morning,not in the mood for a date tday confused

watchoutforthatsnail Fri 20-Jul-12 09:10:32

sponge- you totally, and utterly believe its your fault, dont you. Then there is nothing any of us can say that will change that im afraid. Would you rather we all agreed with that random man that clearly you arent relationship material and should just resign yourself to a life with cats??

( i dont want to be mean, but i just cant see what else anyone can say to you, because you seem so sure its you when its not)

MyLittleMiracles Fri 20-Jul-12 09:42:39

sponge it is absolutely not you. I promise. It is never you. They are stupid not to see you again. I think these blokes that didn't see you again need a realise the opportunity they lost.

And you will not be growing old alone. We will find you a fella and even once you have someone we will continue to give you the occasional firm word. None of us want to be mean to you, honestly, we just want you to see how wonderful and amazing you are

hatesponge Fri 20-Jul-12 09:43:23

No, I don't necessarily think it is me. Not in the sense that there's something 'wrong' with me at least. But surely I would be an idiot to blithely assume that it's impossible that I'm doing anything wrong wouldn't I? I have to be more self aware than that. When most - admittedly not all, but most - people around me are regularly getting second, or third, or tenth dates, and I'm not, I have to consider all possibilities. And that isn't just that it's me, it's that it's luck, or karma, or something. I honestly don't know. And nor really does anyone else - short of contacting each of those 7 and asking them, it's impossible to say.

I want there to be a simple answer, for it to be something totally obvious and easily remedied - I don't know, like I'm dating blokes who are the wrong star sign (not that I believe all that, but you get the idea). Because if there isn't a simple answer, if theres nothing I can do, no way I can control it, or improve my chances, then that means I could do this for the rest of my life and still never get a second date.

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