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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I'm never going to meet anyone, am I?

73 replies

BEAUTlFUL · 02/07/2010 22:04

I need a bit of tough love and any spare hugs you have going.

H left a year ago. Since then I've met one twunt online-dating who just lied, and another one who seemed nice but I think is going the same way.

I've lost tons of weight, have regular beauty nights and look good... But I work from home and have two young kids (7 and 2). I'm 39.

I'm never going to meet anyone, am I?

OP posts:

Report

colditz · 02/07/2010 22:06

Yes of course you are.

I did online dating and met some RIGHT twats.

Eventually I met someone really awesome, and we've been together 15 months now.

Junglist · 02/07/2010 22:10

You will, and it'll be completely out of the blue. Don't wait for it, just go with the flow.

GypsyMoth · 02/07/2010 22:23

i had 2 women approach me on an online dating thing...and i had put interested in men!!

GypsyMoth · 02/07/2010 22:42

which online dating sites do you use tho?

piratecat · 02/07/2010 22:44

you will, if you will that means i might stand a chance, you sound lovely.

wait till it's 5 yrs lol cos i am now single 5 fookin yrs!!!!

BEAUTlFUL · 02/07/2010 22:45

Match.com. Does it make a difference?

OP posts:

toccatanfudge · 02/07/2010 22:49

oh wow colditz - I didn't realised you'd got a new man - how fabulous.

I'm on Match.com

Been on 2 dates with one bloke - we were wanting different things but he was a nice bloke (And a GREAT shag )

Got another date tomorrow with another one.

I'm a bit younger than you, but I have 3 children and don't even work AND to add to that I'm a Chrisitan who "practices regularly".

There are nice men out there (I'm yet to meet one that's a "sticker" mind) - you just need to go into this dating malarky to have fun.........and then if something more develops - woohoo, and if not so long as you've cut ties with dates before they've revealed their full twatishness then all's good

GypsyMoth · 02/07/2010 22:52

no,i doubt it makes a difference,but was thinking at those aimed at single parents...no idea if any good tho??

Trucker · 02/07/2010 22:53

Does it really matter if you don't? I think people waste so much time waiting to meet somebody, when like you say, there's no guarantee that this will happen, or that if when it does it will make you happier.

BEAUTlFUL · 02/07/2010 23:00

You found out he was a great shag after just 2 dates?? Shit, I can't do modern dating! I don't shag for ages.

OP posts:

verytellytubby · 02/07/2010 23:00

Of course you will. You sound great!

BEAUTlFUL · 02/07/2010 23:02

"Does it really matter if you don't?"

I can't bear the thought of never meeting anyone ever again. Een if I were to be able to look in a magic mirror and find out that I do meet someone but not for 3 years, that would be better than this. The future is just a big blank.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 02/07/2010 23:03

beautiful....i dont know,maybe 4 dates before i would,i think??,unless hes a beckham lookalike....

overmydeadbody · 02/07/2010 23:04

A year is not long really, to get over a marriage break up.

As long as you want to meet someone, and even need to meet someone, chances are you won't.

Learn to love yourself first, and be happy in your singledom, and then you will find you attract more attention.

toccatanfudge · 02/07/2010 23:05

ermmm yes - I did - I'm not one for rushing into shagging someone (including those in my teenage years before I met exH I have now shagged 6 men in my entire life) , but it just kind of happened

I know what you mean about the big blank. But since I've adopted this "I'm just going to enjoy this dating malarky" and if something happens great, if not, move onto the next one (and no I'm not talking about "something" as in a shag ) I've been a lot less stressed about it.

I kind of figure if I keep on meeting people, and going out for dates with people somewhere along the line I may well meet MrRight (so long as his first name isn't always LOL)

teaandcakeplease · 02/07/2010 23:06

Well I can send you a ((hug)) BEAUTIFUL. But I've only been single since November and the divorce is still going through. I know what you mean though

I believe you will meet someone though x

BEAUTlFUL · 02/07/2010 23:07

I like the sound of adopting a more relaxed attitude. I do seem to rush ahead, in my brain...

OP posts:

gettingeasier · 02/07/2010 23:12

Beautiful did you post on dumpling site and make me howl with laughter at some of your posts ?

Btw even as a teenager I never shagged someone until I had known them ages. Now as middle aged dumpee think it would take AGES to let anyone near me

However same aged friend deafened by text messages from male species so yes beautiful it is entirely possible

toccatanfudge · 02/07/2010 23:16

you should try it - it's fun .

Tomorrow I'm looking forward to coffee and then hopefully a pub lunch after.

One rule I've set for myself is "if I don't think is going anywhere - say so and move onto the next".

I want them to like me for ME,and I want to like them for who they are........I don't want for someone to have to "grow" on me. If there's no "spark" there to start with it seems a bit of a waste of time to try and start a fire iykwim. OTherwise one or both of you are going to end up "being" someone you're not just to make the relationship work.

I view the first date as possibly the last date.......then I can't get disappointed - and I can enjoy (hopefully) at least having a nice drink/meal and conversation with another adult and see where it leads (or doesnt) from there.

piratecat · 02/07/2010 23:16

i think it goes in phases.
at the moment i am in my I really don't mind being single phase, or my what will be will be phase.
Then there's my 'omg i am still single phase, 'this is rubbish' then sometimes i really don't even think about it.

Then sometimes i have my, omfg i really do not want or need a man fucking up my days/life/heart phases

Katiekitty · 02/07/2010 23:24

spot on piratecat, wise words

It just hits so damn hard when you're in the 'I want a good man' phase

OP - I remember you from the dumped threads, you're brilliant and funny and witty and insightful, be kind to yourself

toccatanfudge · 02/07/2010 23:26

oh I've just decided I'm in the permanent "Que sera sera" phase

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BEAUTlFUL · 02/07/2010 23:33

Do we know anyone (except the lovely colditz) who is a single mum nearing 40 and has gone on to find someone lovely? Or is that just the stuff of legend?

OP posts:

toccatanfudge · 02/07/2010 23:38

oh yes - the lovely OnlyJoking from here has met a fabulous man - her DH died 2(?) (my memory is terrible ) years ago

Katiekitty · 02/07/2010 23:41

A RL friend has a friend who met someone in the frozen food aisle of Sainsburys. Late 30s the pair of them. Bam. Married and happy.

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