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How did you feel......?

(11 Posts)
ChaCha Mon 15-Aug-05 11:11:12

My mum and I have had a strange relationship over the past 10-12 years. I felt more distant towards her when i fell pregnant especially as i had convinced myself it was a girl and kept going over all the bad that had happened in our relationship over the years. We stopped speaking for a few months and then I found out i'm PG with a boy. My feelings changed again (can't quite explain this) and started to miss both my parents a lot. We have since started speaking again and she hopes to visit me soon. She's been buying things for the baby and is v.excited.
Did anyone else find that a not so great relationship changed when the GP's were expecting their grandchildren? How did you cope? How did you feel?
I felt lonely without her and bad for DS who still has 14 weeks to go!!! Wanted him to have all GP's waffling now x

juice Mon 15-Aug-05 17:43:35

i had a not so good relationship with my father for 5-6 years. he didnt approve of my relationship with my tutor in college, then i was in a relationship for 4 years with a guy who he didnt like and had heard untrue stories about. i tried to keep a sort of relationship with my dad for the 5-6 years but i would be better trying to get blood out of a stone.
but when i announced i was pregnant to my now hubby ( different guy than the above )he was delighted. we were on speaking terms but still not good. dd is now 11.5 months and he is never off the phone and he visits a lot. we do have a good relationship now, but i wont forget the years where he basically disowned me. he has never apologised.

chacha, hope you get to have a good relationship with your mum soon and very good luck with the baby

ChaCha Mon 15-Aug-05 18:25:21

Thanks Juice, i appreciate your reply.
I'm just wondering if now is the time to let bygones be bygones rather than going over 'why now?' iyswim.

juice Mon 15-Aug-05 19:58:33

i have let it lie the now for the sake of my dd. she loves her granddad and i wouldnt want him not to be in her life. but it still hurts that he didnt want to know me before dd and i do wonder if i didnt have dd would it still be the same. but life is too short, but also every situation is different. but it has made me learn that whatever my dd did i would never disown her, like i was with my dad.

i have always said families are very difficult sometimes.

Pagan Tue 16-Aug-05 18:38:59

My mum is a really lovely person but since I got married and had kids we seem to be more distant instead of closer and most thing she says and does drives me mad. It's as if she's forgotten that I am a person and am now just a wife and mother. I think she is relieved that "I've done allright in meeting a nice bloke, living in a nice house etc. etc." coz it's all she's known for herself but every time in her company I'm always left feeling that I should be more grateful for my lot or that my house isn't clean enough or that I'm inadequate as a mother. Then I feel guilty for feeling annoyed - sigh

dropinthe Tue 16-Aug-05 18:40:11

God-I could write a book about my relationship with my mother! They are hard work,that is all I can say!

nooka Tue 16-Aug-05 20:37:17

My relationship with my mother has improved since I had children. I don't think she's the best mother, but she's a great granny! Of course twelve sessions of councelling may have helped

peaceandlight Tue 16-Aug-05 20:49:52

I had a terrible argument with my mother today. She even called me a bitch in front of my son who was sobbing.

ChaCha Tue 16-Aug-05 21:06:45

peaceandlight - how awful!!!!!
Have you spoken since?

dropinthe - perhaps i can write one too. Geesh, I wouldn't know where to start!

Donbean Tue 16-Aug-05 21:14:23

I didnt speak to my mum for about 5 years as it was the easiest thing for me to do.
My siblings all have a child and i have one, my mother is a far better granny than she ever was a mother and yes the relationship is far less strained than it was.
I dont see her from one month to the next and i can always tell that she treads carefully around me, more so than with my siblings.
I think that this is because she knows that i have no problem cutting ties with her, i woulnt really bother if i never saw her again, but feel obliged to have contact with her because she is my mother, for no other reason.

peaceandlight Tue 16-Aug-05 21:14:49

NO. I don't want to, she was completely out of order imo

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