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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Fuming at my ... husband! ARGGGHHHHH

19 replies

Chandra · 09/08/2005 21:28

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! why, why, why does .H keep missing opportunities to be more discrete????
I feel like banging my head against the wall or llike disapearing for several days!!!

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moondog · 09/08/2005 21:30

Whaddya mean chandra???

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sobernow · 09/08/2005 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chandra · 09/08/2005 21:52

We have had lots of problems with the inlaws but I swear that even though I have been in the receiving end of a lot of abuse for many years, I have not being rude to them even when receiving such abuse (yep, unfortunately, my cultural heritage dictates that you can be lashed out by the inlaws but you are never to answer or counterattack yourself). That being said, my SIL has been incredibly rude and has made such horrible things to me that I can not speak normally to her, she just scares me, because I can say the nicest thing and still she reply with horrible things, but she is lovely to the rest of the people which leaves me fuming because while the woman can take my clothes to the garage and throw the dinner leftovers over them in a tantrum, people find difficult to believe that a person who is so lovely can get to be such a b.

What has me fuming today, is that some friends that we have not seen in 5 years are visiting and I mentioned about organising a picnic over the weekend, moment that DH used to inform us that his sister is coming this weekend and, when they said asked about her "lovely" self, DH informed them that I had problems with her and went into telling some aspects of the relationship that I would have keep to myself specially as we don't know these people that well and, considering how she acts in front of other people it makes it look as it's all my fault (I can not speak easily to her, I'm literally freightened to open my mouth when she is around so I come accross as being the hostile one

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Chandra · 09/08/2005 22:12

........sigh*

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moondog · 09/08/2005 22:16

I'd be cross too. Some things are best kept in the family.

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Chandra · 09/08/2005 22:22

I really feel embarrased, how am I supposed to act normal in front of the friends when SIL is around? I feel like I need to disapear big time while she is here on the weekend.

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moondog · 09/08/2005 22:25

Don't worry about it. They won't be thinking that. The amount of times my friends have ranted about members of their family and then the next time i see them,all is well.

That's life,we all do it.

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BadHair · 09/08/2005 22:31

You might find your friends will be more supportive of you if they know there is a problem with your SIL. If they know you well they'll know you're not the sort of person to behave irrationally, and will probably soon work out for themselves that your SIL is a cow.

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BadHair · 09/08/2005 22:32

Whoops posted too soon.
Meant to add that it might be a good thing that people outside the family know about this, as they'll be more likely to be on your side.

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Chandra · 09/08/2005 22:32

The problem is that I can not pretend that all is fine with SIL, as I said when she is around I can not even have a normal conversation. Tump! 9bangs head against keyboard), I'm wishing I had something important to do this weekend.... mmmh.. now thinking about it... I "might" have to do some work... yeah... that may help.

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Chandra · 09/08/2005 22:33

ooops, crossposted Badhair

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sobernow · 09/08/2005 22:37

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Chandra · 09/08/2005 22:49

I'm afraid of them not enjoying the meeting because I will get so tense. I have not seen SIL since December, the last time I spoke with her she yelled at me on the phone (I was unfortunate enough to pick up the phone and all the yelling was her response to my habitual and fairly standard "hello"), and then pretended she hadn't when I passed the phone to DH who fortunately was near enough to hear everything the woman was screaming, and a day afterwards MIL rang DH to complain that I have been rude to SIL when I only said "hello" .

Thanks for your comments, I will update on how it went. good night

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sobernow · 09/08/2005 22:50

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Tortington · 09/08/2005 23:11

are you actually scared of her - or are you being culturally respectful?

if its the latter - i would get her in a room alone and tell her to back the fuck off - then pretend nothing ever happened - obviously with everyone seeing how respectful you are no-one is going to believe her.

why doesn't your husband stick up for you?

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Chandra · 09/08/2005 23:21

He is a chicken, up until the beggining of the year when I announced I was considering divorce he just didn't act on it, he said that it was "normal", that everybody has MIL/DIL problems, even when a Relate counselour (and most of our friends) had told him that MIL/SIL behaviour was way out of normal.

And yes, I'm afraid of her, for the simple reason of how her behaviour impact our already weak marriage.

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Tortington · 09/08/2005 23:56

am afraid i think you need you husnad to have a word - or frighten him with the neverending shame of divorce. your husband needs to get his sister in a room and tell her to lay off his wife. that should shut her up i hope.

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ChicPea · 10/08/2005 00:03

Forget the excuse of having to work at the weekend, can you book yourself into a spa? For the whole weekend?!!!

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Chandra · 14/08/2005 17:34

Well, updatre is here... I spoke to DH about how little by little we are improving our marriage and said that I was afraid that having her around would undo the work of months, to which he agreed, he said he was going to rang her to tell her not to come (and I was anticipating a huge problem for that) but DS caught a virus before the call so with the excuse of DS extrange virus she decided it was not such a good idea to be around.

sigh* relief, though I have spent the weekend working and no sign of the spa...