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why are men so horrible?

(10 Posts)
nannyjo Tue 09-Aug-05 20:36:27

DH and i have just had another row over such silly things.

I have been really busy today, washing, hoovering, tidying the nursery top to bottom, walking the dog, cooking three fresh meals, and then started to hang curtains that need shortening but DS got in the way so when DH came home i said would you take over with DS so i can get these curtains done please.
After much moaning he agreed.

10 mins later i shout down 'sorry babe but would you chuck up the pins please?'

In between doing this i am heating his tea, i run down to serve it, he opens the dishwasher and says 'oh great this hasn't even been emptied'
I say sorry i've been busy but you could do it if it's a real problem, he says 'oh great i come in and all i want to do is sit down not get up to throw pins to you then empty the dishwasher.

I remind him that i'm hardly sitting on my arse.

All hell brakes loose then cos i am really hurt that he never comments on the things i do do just moans about the slightist things i don't do.

I am now sat here in tears working out why i am with him. we only argue over silly things but the rows get huge and happen all the time. I'm not happy and i don't want DS to grow up in a house like this, how long do we carry on like this weve been like it for years and never change even though we say we will.

I'm with him for the wrong reasons, i'm not in love with him, i actually hate him most of the times but he provides security, company and is my sons daddy. i don't want to be a single mum.

I know i blow thimgs out of proportion when we argue but i can't help feeling so hurt by his comments (believe me they happen all the time)

What do i do, i wouldn't even know where to begin if i did decide to seperate from him.

Sorry about long rant.

swiperfox Tue 09-Aug-05 20:40:05

Hiya NJ. Sorry to see things are not going so well. I have to say that your post could have easily been written by me. Your dh sounds exactly the way mine is being at the moment - in fact has always been!
We had a real bad patch for about 2 years and i thought we'd got through it but the last few weeks things are kicking off again. Apparently i sit and do nothing all day whle he is at work (like he's the only man in the whole world who works!) he can't be bothered with the house or the kids and at the moment i can't be bothered with him.

Sorry - I know thats not much help but wanted to let you know you aren't alone and i'm here for a chat anytime

Dior Tue 09-Aug-05 20:43:15

Message withdrawn

Redhotmamma Tue 09-Aug-05 20:43:24

You poor thing. Whenever I argue with DH is always feels like the end of the world. At least if you only argue over silly things that is a good thing. At least you are not arguing over important things. All I can say is I think that all of us should not expect things to be perfect all the time. Everyone I know who is happily married has to work at their realtionship from time to time and if people tell you they don't have to they are either lying or haven't been married for long. Sounds like you need to spend some time together without DS. Men are generally a bit stressed out when they come in from work.

morningpaper Tue 09-Aug-05 20:44:48

Nothing hurts me more than lack of gratitude and appreciation for all the shitty work I do, so I really sympathise.

nannyjo Tue 09-Aug-05 20:53:53

i don't think i want time alone with him. i don't enjoy his company at the moment.

If i take one night off he just calls all the time. I went to see Elton john, he called 6 times before the concert started 'he's been sickand is wet on his P'J's, what do i do??' arrgh!!

basketcase Tue 09-Aug-05 21:02:02

If the argument was really about those silly pins then you wouldn’t be upset would you? You aren’t blowing it out of proportion over a dishwasher or about looking after your son for five minutes, you are reacting to his lack of support and acknowledgement for all that you do.
I don’t know how serious this is for you both but all I can suggest is that you talk to him. By that I mean properly with no children around, when you are both calm and have no distractions around, tv off etc. You need to let him know how hurtful his attitude is and how you need to be supported by a loving partner who recognises how hard you work in the home. Without respect, love and support, what kind of relationship is left? and what kind of home does it provide for children?
I wish you lots of courage and strength to deal with this and move on. Hope you manage to work it out for the best. xx

sobernow Tue 09-Aug-05 21:13:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littlestarsweeper Tue 09-Aug-05 21:19:16

oh Nannyjo, it sounds all perfectly normal. Lay on the couch, I will put my specs on and tell you what I think. He wants attention but you are busy running the homestead to get any attention he has a dig at you about the silliest thing. You are doing a great job getting house lovely for him to come home from a hard days work and you feel bitterly disappointed at him not noticing. In your mind you have done all this for him and all he can do is criticise! Makes yer blood boil dont it

stitch Tue 09-Aug-05 21:19:35

because they are men....
genetically incapable of being reasonable human beings.

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