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me and alcohol have ruined my family

(1000 Posts)
jesuswhatnext Mon 31-May-10 12:32:34

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him sad

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

expatinscotland Mon 31-May-10 17:52:56

if you're in the London area, there's a really helpful poster here who offers to accompany folks to their first meeting.

you're doing the right thing.

you don't need this stuff, jesus.

jesuswhatnext Mon 31-May-10 18:24:46

thanks so much all of you

expat - the lady i spoke to today is meeting me 10 mins before the meeting, she sounded so nice and unlike my dm did not seem to feel the need tell me what a bitch i have been hmm

hissy, that was a lovely post smile and actually bought a smile to my face, i may well pop over to chat tomorrow after ihave

done my hair
put make-up on
sorted out a resonable outfit

i cant tell you all what a relief it is to talk about all this, the fact my dh still wants me is incredible, he has just opened some ginger beer as the beginning of a new era.

i just dont want to let him and dd down again


Message withdrawn

cryhavoc Mon 31-May-10 19:13:02

Jesuswhatnext-my mother might sound like yours, but you sound completely different (it's lambriniknikers, namechanged from my Ashes to Ashes name from last week).
You have realised that you are at risk of going the same way, and taken steps to stop yourself. That is a million miles away from anything the alcoholic in my life has done, so already you are different,
Can I echo other posters and say please use us if you need to talk?

I wish you and your family all the luck in the world.

jesuswhatnext Mon 31-May-10 19:37:55

well, have just eaten my first wine free evening meal since i cant remember, cant say i enjoyed it much sad i think that the day has been too 'full-on' iyswim to enjoy anything much - am going to have an early night with a cup of tea and a book and then start tomorrow as i mean to go on smile

i feel resonably positive, now i just need to convince dd to come home

am also going to sign up for a yoga class, something i have always wanted to do.

anyhow, have not had a drink today, that must be a start?

verycherry Mon 31-May-10 19:39:13

Wishing you all the luck in the world, my db is an alcoholic he started going to AA about 8 months ago he has received fantastic support and made new, genuine friends.

Whilst I am supportive of him I remain neutral and a bit detached, however he doesn't need to prove his will to change to me he needs to prove it to himself.

I hope the meeting tomorrow is good for you, my db found it v positive but was slightly put off by the 'god bits' but he now sees that in context for what it is.

Keeping everything crossed for you xxx

LittleMissHissyFit Mon 31-May-10 22:05:38

proud of you jesuswhatnext!
good for you! [beam]

Good luck tomorrow, see you later we hope, on chat!!

jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 09:39:45

well, i got through the night without a drink, slept fairly well but still feel sick, sort of quesy hungover feeling - had another chat with dh this morning, he wants us to do more together, stuff that dosent involve drinking.

so, tomorrow we are going to a health club, see what we think and maybe sign up, he is also trying to get dd to join us, just hope she will come.

i have my AA meeting at 12.30, so am going to get my act together and try and look half decent.

i have also had a good look around this house this morning and i can see that i have been neglecting things blush, so, this afternoon heralds a new beginnging of cleanliness, it will help give me a focus and keep my hands busy! (i hope)

llareggub Tue 01-Jun-10 10:17:45

Just some practical advice: get some orange juice and some sweets in to keep your blood sugar levels up. Your body will be used to having the sugar from the alcohol so keep drinking the juice and eating the sweets. You will feel rubbish for a week or so, but it will get better.

Good luck with your meeting. My DH gets enormous strength from his meetings. Ask for some AA books while you are there, they are definitely worth a read, particularly in the early days of your sobriety.

jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 10:28:17

thanks, i will get some sweets - maybe have a few for 'pudding' but only if i dont drink!

just sorted out my bedroom and underwear drawer blush, chucked out all the horrid old stuff and made a promise to myself that from now on, only matching nice stuff will do, time to rebuild my self respect i think! will surely help?

Acinonyx Tue 01-Jun-10 10:35:34

Well done!

I have to watch how much I drink. It's an act of will and it will be like this indefinitley - it's tough - but you have to keep the alternative in mind.

Two small things. If you start having trouble sleeping, I find herbal sleeping tablets very helpful (I use the Night Kalms for example).

Also, keep something reasonably tasty and harmless to keep sipping on. I buy a bunch of fresh limes and have one in fizzy water. I can't do just plain water and this is my favourite low-cal healthy tipple. Sometimes I have diet bitter lemon - just something tasty that's not water that I don't have to ration and can just sip at - you are used to putting glass to mouth now - it's a bit like the smoker's reflex. Find one that suits you.

Acinonyx Tue 01-Jun-10 10:37:04

Good point though, that you do need to keep your blood sugar level OK. When it dips, you will really crave a drink.... then have juice and/or snack.

jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 10:44:41

last night a made a list of all the positive things about my giving up the booze, reading it this morning has fired me up a bit more, am now washed dressed and make-up on, have put some washing on and am now about to tackle the hell hole that is my airing cupboard before i go out.

trying so hard not to wallow in self pity sad

i will get some limes as well, sounds lovely and refreshing.

owlets Tue 01-Jun-10 10:55:48

Hi there,
I just want to wish you good luck. You have done so well in admitting your problem, and some excelent addvise has been given to you aswell.
I haven't had a drink in 2 weeks now. It was a combination of things that made me want to stop, but I really don't think I'd have been able to follow it through without the support I found on mumsnet, with the AA, and from my (also saintly!) husband.
I hope the meeting goes well today. I have to admit that I didn't 'get it' on the first meeting (7 meeting on, I'm still unsure exactly what I make of it) BUT, I have found it so useful in making me see the seriousness of my drinking problem. THe people i've met have been so kind to me and generous in their time and advise. PLEASE perservere with it even if you find it odd to start with.
Things will get better for you. I promise.
I will keep checking on here to see if you are ok.
All the best

jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 11:01:31

just had a genius thought grin i need to get a bit of food shopping later, was a bit worried as the booze is right by the till - solution - go across the road to the halal shop, lovely food, no temptation - win-win

owlets Tue 01-Jun-10 11:22:46

Good plan!
I've been eating 3 very healthy meals a day in the last fortnight, but having treats during the day and in the evenings when i'd normally be at the wine. I've also been taking vit C and vit B supliments. In the first week I felt quite grotty (sort of fluey and achey), but now I am feeling so energised its unbelievable... like a different me! I'd reccommend it.
Also, I think making yourself feel good on the outside is very important too. Take long baths, wear nice clothes and undies, get a haircut, embrace the new life style!
Good luck x

jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 11:35:21

thanks owlets, am going to my first meeting now [glup] wish me luck, i feel terrified sad

cryhavoc Tue 01-Jun-10 13:46:27

Hi jwn, how did it go?
Your posts sound really positive today, well done.

owlets Tue 01-Jun-10 15:31:38

How did you find it?
Been thinking positive thoughts for you!
Take care x

jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 15:46:59

hi - back home now, well, it went really well, i'm so pleased i went, i will be going tomorow as well. i did kind of 'get it', i've always had a kind of faith, just a quiet one that dosent need a denomination iyswim, i think that will help alot.
i was really surprised though that the room was mainly women of my age sad, i'm not sure what i expected but it wasnt that confused

i'm bloody exausted now and getting a headache., stress i suppose. one good thing though, i think i will take it as a kind of sign - the other night i lost a ring, had no idea what the hell i had done with it, couldn't remember sad i thought is was gone for good - i found it in the bottom of the kitchen bin just now smile

thanks for all the support, it REALLY does help. smile

maryz Tue 01-Jun-10 16:03:04

Well done. Now just stay steady - don't be too happy with how it's going or you may set yourself up for a fall if you know what I mean (a high followed by a low is no use to you at the moment, you just want to go along smoothly).

Slow and steady does it. Don't try to do too much, just think ahead one day at a time (or even one hour). Don't think past tomorrow's meeting. And don't try to do too much else. Look after yourself.

A daytime meeting is likely to be full of middle aged women - all of us SAHMs who waited until after bedtime to have a glass of wine, and then as the children got older it became a couple of glasses, then we started earlier.

I have almost given up drinking now because I saw so many friends on the slippery slope and was afraid I would get there myself one day sad.

Best of luck - you're doing great smile

owlets Tue 01-Jun-10 16:21:44

Well done, thats fantastic!
Keep in there, one day at a time... Its the only way.
Its going to get better, its going to get easier, but there will be downs as well as ups. If you do slip up, don't be scared to go back to AA. They have seen it all before!

Keep the list of positive things about not drinking with you and read it and add to it as much as you can. Thats what I do. Its been keeping me focused.

Keep up the good work! you should be proud of yourself. And so should your DH and DD!

MIFLAW Tue 01-Jun-10 18:09:56

Too late seems to imply that it cannot get any worse than it is now.

Believe me, it really can.

Most people are pleasantly surprised by how much they are able to get back, one way or another, sooner or later, when they stop drinking (not cutting down - stopping) and putting their life in order.

But it is nothing compared to the surprise of those who thought they had lost everything and then find out that, actually, there was so much more that they went on to lose.

Go to AA, take the help and advice that is offered to you, keep it simple, keep coming back even if you fuck up.

It can get better, or it can get worse.

Perhaps for the first time in years, today you have a choice.

Please take it.


MIFLAW Tue 01-Jun-10 18:17:37

Bloody hell, just seen how well you're doing (hadn't read the rest of the thread) and realise I sound like voice of doom!

Just keep at it, one day at a time. Expect to feel shit for a few days - perhaps for the first time in years, you are seeing a hangover through to the bitter end and it probably won't be fun. Still, unlike alcohol, a hangover never killed anyone, and nor did a sleepless night, a simple headache, too much chocolate, or too many thoughts, so just try to take them on the chin and take my word for it that they will soon be over and will not come back.

Marvellous news that you have a faith, btw, but if you don't, don't worry about it. Ditto the Steps. If and when you're ready, these things will sort themselves out. For now, get to meetings and stay away from the first drink, one day at a time. (Incidentally, when the pot comes round after the meeting, I used to put in a pound like most other people. Nowadays I put in what I would guess to be the price of a pint of bitter - in other words, the first drink. Helps me stay focussed on why I'm there. Just an idea.)

jesuswhatnext Tue 01-Jun-10 18:21:38

had a couple of hours sleep and feel much better - the evening is always a hard one for me, but, my intention is not to drink tonight.

i will finish my airing cupboard [its contents are currently in the hallway) cook me and dh some dinner then another early night for me.

that is my choice for this evening.

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