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My head is in pieces!!!

(16 Posts)
badgirl Mon 08-Aug-05 14:02:50

Am in a relationship, what I thought was a happy one. I have recently started seeing my childhood sweetheart (we got talking as our kids attend the same school) it just started off as talking but now we are arranging to see each other and have even kissed!!! This guy is not happy in his marriage and I think I am his way out tbh but I do really like the guy but at the same time I don't want to leave my dp because he's good to me and the kids and doesn't deserve it, but I just can't help wondering if the other guy is "the one" as we were very close when we were young.

Another thing, the other guy is married too which makes it even worse!!!

Any advice???

dejags Mon 08-Aug-05 14:04:33

dont do it would be my only advice.

it breaks hearts and ruins lives.

best of luck.

Mum2girls Mon 08-Aug-05 14:05:12

"but at the same time I don't want to leave my dp because he's good to me and the kids and doesn't deserve it"

But he deserves to be married to a woman who's seeing someone else??

Sorry, but wtf?

badgirl Mon 08-Aug-05 14:06:10

Thanks, you just confirmed what my conscience is telling me!!!

I really do love my DP too which is why my head is so messed up!!!

NomDePlume Mon 08-Aug-05 14:06:46

Just because you were 'close' when you were young does not mean that he is the one.

I know this is the advice that you will have heard and read a thousand times over, but if you are unhappy in your own marriage/relationship then you need to take steps to remedy that before getting involved with anyone else. By 'remedy' I mean either getting counselling and pulling your relationship through the bad patch or by ending it completely.

The fact that the guy is also married just double the potential fall-out from your fledgeling clandestine relationship.

LilacLotus Mon 08-Aug-05 14:09:43

my advice: don't do it!

MissBegotten Mon 08-Aug-05 14:11:55

Grass is greener syndrome. Don't do it!

badgirl Mon 08-Aug-05 14:12:09

We are not married but have been together six years!!!

I know its wrong and I will end it now before it gets out of hand.

Thanks again everyone!!!!

madmarchhare Mon 08-Aug-05 14:12:33

It usually ends in tears....in this case your kids, your partners, the rest of your family, his wife, and so on... Is that worth satisfying a bit of curiosity?

If your own relationship truly has problems, then sort those out first.

Mum2girls Mon 08-Aug-05 14:12:54

See, you're a good girl really.

madmarchhare Mon 08-Aug-05 14:13:02

Ooops X posts

NomDePlume Mon 08-Aug-05 14:15:26

you are doing the right thing

strugstu Mon 08-Aug-05 14:24:21

Been there and got the t- shirt - grass is definately not greener on the other side- proceeding with the relationship will only cause heartache and sorrow and huge regrets. My advice is dont do it - look to ur own relationship with ur dp and try to rediscover what it was that u loved about him. Also - look at urself and what makes u feel dissatisfied with ur relationship and talk to ur dp about it.
For me - i was fed up of being just a wife and mother, it didnt feel enough. i wanted to be desired and wanted, sexy and excited- instead of telling my dh i found someone else to make me feel that way. needless to say it was short lived and i lost the best thing that ever happened to me.

i was stupid and selfish.

our lives have moved on now and we are both happy with are respective partners - but to this day it is my biggest regret.

Please think about what u r doing - thinking of u- and i hope u have the strength to make the right decision xx

badgirl Mon 08-Aug-05 14:34:34

Oh my god, strugstu I have just started crying at your post - that is exactly the reason why I have wanted to do it. My dp is not good at showing affection and hardly ever tells me he loves me only when he wants sex, I know that he does cos he shows it in other ways but is not comfortable with the emotion side, he never holds my hand but if I hold his he doesnt move away.

I've told him before I like to be cuddled and appreciated and not just treated like the kids mum and nothing else but he changes for a few days and then goes back to normal.

Since this other guy has shown an interest I have felt so much happier in myself but yes you are all right what you say it would be wrong to think that this guy would make my life better.

I do love my life with dp I just wish he was warmer!!!

I am so glad there was someone there to talk to thanks a lot!!! things are much clearer in my head now!!

I am so sorry for you strugstu what you have gone through......thank you so much for sharing your story with me, I really appreciate it.

strugstu Mon 08-Aug-05 15:14:21

aw sweetie- i cried when i wrote it it still hurts to this day- i rarely admit to anyone the truth. I have learnt to live with the guilt - but for a long time i wished i could of turned the clock back.

that said - my life is good now - i have 2 grown up wonderful children,(who rarely see their dad despite only living 20 miles away- but thats there dads choice) a nice home of my own and a lovely dp(altho we dont live together) i have nearly finished my degree and just got a new job.

i know how your feeling- having an affair is exciting and will make you feel great- it may even spark your relationship up- but its all short lived - and there is always a price to pay...

the one thing i learnt from my experience is - that i will never ever cheat again in any relationship it caused too much pain- loving someone means you owe them honesty and respect-
it was a hard lesson to learn.

thinking of you xx

badgirl Mon 08-Aug-05 17:15:00

How wise you are!!! A lot wiser than me thats for sure!!!

Its right what you say, so many people would be hurt not just dp but the kids and his parents adore me too and then there is his wife who I know to say hello to and their kids too, both of us haven't thought this through but I will speak to him and explain that this can't happen and as we have known each other a long time hopefully he will agree with me.

Things are so much clearer for me now thanks to you for your advice

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