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Not good

(11 Posts)
IfOnly Sun 07-Aug-05 20:42:20

Wasn't sure where to put this but here seems as good a place as any.

A few months ago I emailed an old male friend through FR. I had tried to contact him a few times before but had been unable to find him.

Thing is the whole thing is now just driving me mad.

The history is that when at school we were always nearly an item but never quite made it. That was my fault as I twice backed out because I was frightened I would mess it up.

I can quite honestly say that I have never regretted anything more in my life since.

Anyway, to my complete surprise I got a reply from him but have to say honestly that I was relly really gutted to find out that he was married and had a child. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for him, just sad for me.

Since then we have emailed back and forth a few times mainly chatting about when we were at school etc and what we are doing now.
The problem is though that having contact but it not being the contact I want is driving me up the wall. I can't sleep properly thinking about him and I check several times a day to see if he has replied. I haven't had an email for over a week now and I am so upset.

I know I am being really stupid and I was so daft to think that he would still be there waiting for me to contact him instead of getting on with his life.

I never thought i'd be the type of person to want to ruin someone elses relationship, never mind my own, but if i'm honest with myself if he contacted me tommorow to say he wanted us to take things further I would jump at it.

What on earth is wrong with me. I know he isn't going to take things any further, I can tell that from the emails he has sent already, but still each time I reply I sit and try and think of any subtle comments I can make to entice him, which really is just evil.

I don't know what to do about it anymore.

gigglinggoblin Sun 07-Aug-05 20:44:58

i would stop emailing him. tell him your dp doesnt like it if you need an excuse. you dont know this man - he will be totally different to the person he was at school and the likelihood is that you will cause a huge amount of heartache for nothing

hercules Sun 07-Aug-05 20:46:52

No good can ever come of it. You and him will only end up possibly hurting several people and for what?
I would ask him to stop contacting you. HArd I know but he's not the answer to any problems you may or may not have.

IfOnly Sun 07-Aug-05 20:47:40

But it's taken me so long to find him I don't want to never speak to him again.

hercules Sun 07-Aug-05 20:50:02

You are both in relationships. getting involved with someone from the past is only going to end up causing a lot of heartache.

If he is willing to cheat on his wife what hope do you have with him? You'd never be able to trust him....

I would focus on dealing with your own relationship to see what has made you think to stray.
Going with someone else is not an answer.

Tipex Sun 07-Aug-05 20:50:14

are you in a relationship too ifonly?

gigglinggoblin Sun 07-Aug-05 20:50:39

if he cheats on his wife with you he is a sh*t. if he doesnt you will be miserable. cant see any way of winning this situation. get out now

IfOnly Sun 07-Aug-05 20:51:06

Yes I am in a relationship and have 2 Ds's.

hercules Sun 07-Aug-05 20:51:17

If he is that important then you need to make a decision about your own relationship. If it's not good then you need to either try to fix it or leave.

Once you have sorted your life out if you still want to contact him then that's different.

toothyboy Sun 07-Aug-05 21:56:15

Get a grip woman ! Was there any reason why you contacted him initially? Are you having problems in your relationship?
It's quite normal to hanker after someone from your past when you feel there's 'unfinished business', but life moves on, you've gone on your separate paths now. Keep your good memories of him and don't spoil them with new sordid ones! And don't ruin your family for some schoolgirl dream - you know it makes sense!!

Anniek Sun 07-Aug-05 22:27:41

The trouble with the whole FR thing was, as much fun as it was at first to talk to people you went to school with that you hadn't spoken too in years, you eventually realised, there was a reason you'd lost touch with these people...

Not saying they were horrible, just that there was a reason otherwise you would have made the effort previously, so if you and this guy lost touch, there was a reason, and if you give up your marriage ruin the lives of your DS's and his child, that reason is still there in the background and by the time you notice it again think of the damage you've done...

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