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Quick, do I do it or not?

(17 Posts)
MrsBubsDeVere Thu 04-Aug-05 13:09:15

DH has been working extra nights, he has just done is third night shift and has another 1 to do, so I am not denying that he is exhausted, but here is my dilemma.

dd2 has a thing about cleaning her teeth at the minute (a good thing to say that a month ago she screamed whilst they were been done), she went to the toilet and decided to clean her teeth, unfortunately this woke dh up, he went to use the loo and she did, what I think alot of kids do, she ran and jumped on the loo. He stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door so hard he has knocked it off the hinges (these are thick hardwood doors).

He came storming downstairs and when dd2 came down and tried to talk to him he started f***g and blinding.

She asked him to move from HER chair (one she has been sat in and reading in all morning) and instead of saying no and asking her to sit in the other chair or with me he has got his money, and stormed out of the house, I have NO IDEA where he has gone, I assume its to spend money we haven't got at the bookies.

My dilemma now is whether to ask him to stay at his mothers tomorrow, they have a spare bed which he could use. I want him to stop there for two reasons, 1 being he can get some sleep without the kids having to walk on eggshells and also I am not prepared to have him upset the kids like this all the time.

I can't take the kids out as I'm not well and at the doctors first thing in the morning.

Sorry its long.

colditz Thu 04-Aug-05 13:11:01

Night shifts are no excuse to treat your family like sh!t.

I'd make him go to his mother's, and what's more, I'd make him stay there.

novadandypowder Thu 04-Aug-05 13:13:23

It sounds to me like staying at his mothers might be a good idea for all of you. I'm sure after a decent rest he'll be like a new man.

Mum2girls Thu 04-Aug-05 13:13:25

He sounds a bit on the edge to me. Is this regular behaviour?

But to answer your question - get him the hell out of there, yes.

tarantula Thu 04-Aug-05 13:14:15

In a word YES definitely. and tell him to come back when and only when hes got out of the right side of the bed

stacijc Thu 04-Aug-05 13:20:14

can he not change to days? its fair enough to be annoyed at being woken but to behave like that is unfair and childish...i would pack him a bag and tell him he could come back when he can behave properly towards his children!!

sorry, thats just my opinion

MrsBubsDeVere Thu 04-Aug-05 13:23:08

He is ALWAYS like this when he is working shifts, the day before he starts he is like a bear with a sore head and continues to be so throughout his shifts.

No need to be sorry stacijc, I agree with what you have said.

TBH I'm frightened of what he will say, I know what his temper is like (he isn't violent), he will then go into one saying how much he needs his sleep as he has been working, how no-one gives a sh!t etc. I feel I have to do it, but know that we will have a row in the process.

throckenholt Thu 04-Aug-05 13:24:29

I would.

I grew up with my dad working night shifts on Friday nights - every Saturday was hell because we inadvertantly woke him up (we lived in a caravan for some of the time - it was impossible not to wake him up !). It is not a memory I relish .

throckenholt Thu 04-Aug-05 13:25:55

sure - he needs his sleep - but kids need to be kids without being frightened to move - and presumably he wants his kids to be happy and not scared of him ?

NomDePlume Thu 04-Aug-05 13:31:41

FWIW, his behaviour towards the kids is pretty grim and totally unfair, but sleep deprivation does horrible things to people who are, for the most part, lovely human beings.

I would suggest that he does go and stay at his parents house for a couple of nights, try and get it across to him without focusing too much on his attitude problem, that will just wind him up (as I'm sure you know). Sell it to him as a chance to catch up on his sleep.

Catsmother Thu 04-Aug-05 14:59:40

Could you not be a bit devious about it ?

I'd call his mum, tell her exactly how he's behaved & ask her if she'd invite him over to keep the peace. That way, a row might be avoided.

However, I agree with everyone else that his behaviour - tired or not - is completely out of order, especially with very small children. Maybe, if it is deprivation - and not an underlying temper - that's making him do this, he could stay at his mum's whenever he does shifts.

MrsBubsDeVere Thu 04-Aug-05 15:17:19

His mother would never do that, she is a cantankerous (sp) old hag at the best of times.

He came back in, had some dinner and has gone back to bed, when he is on his shifts i could quite easily get by without seeing or speaking to him at all, when he is on days off he does nothing at all, so him not being here is no different.

Just feeling really down about our relationship at the minute, i think it is a mixture of feeling ill, him doing nothing in the house on his days off, him making things revolve round him going to the bookies, him constantly watching television and us generally not doing anything much as a family, I cannot remember the last time he took me out, bought me flowers or anything like that.

Grumble over

tallulah Thu 04-Aug-05 17:55:43

Bubs, I had to check I hadn't written your post! My DH works permanent nights. When he is on a run of nights, he acts like you've described. It is sleep deprivation, so your DH would be better off sleeping elsewhere so he isn't disturbed. (Mine has also been doing nothing on his days off just lately- I was going to start a thread on it). No practical suggestions I'm afraid- just to let you know you aren't alone.

rickman Fri 05-Aug-05 21:58:13

Message withdrawn

MrsBubsDeVere Sat 06-Aug-05 14:36:10

Rickman, no he didn't his mum had a heart attack and is now v ill in hospital, seems to put my complaining and bitching into persective really now doesn't it?

rickman Sat 06-Aug-05 16:16:38

Message withdrawn

MrsBubsDeVere Sat 06-Aug-05 17:19:10

Just posted on other thread, she had another massive MI at 1.50pm and the nurses say its a miracle she is alive, she is refusing medication now and has signed a do not rescusitate form, they don't expect her to last till midnight, dh is still with her.

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