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Dilemma... sister, kids + present.

(26 Posts)
unicorn Tue 02-Aug-05 12:39:58

Ok - basically my sister I have had a major fall out - an not seen each other since.

She has just sent my kids a pressie through post -no letter or note though.

Do I a) give it to them and say it is from xxx.. and have them ask why we don't see her anymore?

b) give it them and not say it is from anyone (ie pretend I got it)

c) not give it them at all and send it back?

this is what happened

unicorn Tue 02-Aug-05 13:04:52


Toothache Tue 02-Aug-05 13:06:07

My initial reaction was to do a). But then I read the other thread. She sounds like my sister.

I'd still say its from Auntie xxxx, and just explain that she's working away just now.

nailpolish Tue 02-Aug-05 13:06:30

i would be tempted to say it was from me but i think i would send it back, with a note demanding an explanation

Ladymuck Tue 02-Aug-05 13:09:30

Frankly, I see it as a peace gesture from your sis. I'd arrange to say get together at the park for coffee or something. Life's too short to turn down these gestures.

Flossam Tue 02-Aug-05 13:11:07

I think you should give them to them and say who it is from. If they ask why they haven't seen them, tell them that mummy and aunty have had an argument and aren't getting on very well at the moment. They would want to know they are still remembered by aunty even if they are not seeing here still.

nailpolish Tue 02-Aug-05 13:13:24

well i think life is too short to play games. unicorn, do you want to make peace with your sis? this could be starting point, but only if you have the energy and motivation

Toothache Tue 02-Aug-05 13:13:58

Do you want her in your life?

Blu Tue 02-Aug-05 13:14:11

I agree with Flossam and/or LadyMuck. (a bit of each)

Twiglett Tue 02-Aug-05 13:17:11

I think you should give the presents to them, tell them who they are from, make them write thank you notes and send them

then the ball is back in her court to get in touch if she wishes to mend bridges

CarolinaMoon Tue 02-Aug-05 13:19:12

Having read your other thread, I'd say c). She needs to apologise to you (in words, not in presents to your kids). You can't all carry on as if nothing's happened.

compo Tue 02-Aug-05 13:19:29

agree with ladymuck too

unicorn Tue 02-Aug-05 13:22:42

tbqh toothache - I don't think I do at the moment.

Unfortunately she is the only member of my family that the kids have seen regularly(ish)...

I have written a few threads on here about her (eg - her total lack of respect for me when babysitting- eg going thro my things etc)... so I do have problems...

as to life being too short, well I agree...
but surely life is also too short to spend with people who f*ck you up?

anchovies Tue 02-Aug-05 13:24:23

I agree with twiglett, put the ball back in her court

unicorn Tue 02-Aug-05 13:26:10

does it make any difference if I tell you the pressie was a pirate dvd?

<p*ssed off emoticon>

bundle Tue 02-Aug-05 13:28:56

unicorn, I think the fact she sent something is positive, and for a lot of people pirates are v desirable, ie the lastest thing.

unicorn Tue 02-Aug-05 13:30:03

what, dodgy dvd's are desirable?

bundle Tue 02-Aug-05 13:34:41

well, to some people (not me, though), yes, simply because they're the latest thing.

Toothache Tue 02-Aug-05 13:36:28

Unicorn - I totally agree!!! Some relationships are NOT worth salvaging. Why try hard to have a relationship with someone that goes out of their way to make you feel like shit. Thats how I feel about my Dad.

unicorn Tue 02-Aug-05 13:38:08

but they're usually such cr*p quality tho aren't they?

Anyway..I reckon if she wants to make ammends - it is me,not the kids she should do it with...
she is using the kids as she has often done (ie asking dd indirect questions about me+dh etc)

Could you feel forgiving to someone who thinks threatening the NSPCC is a legitimate sisterly arguement?

Toothache Tue 02-Aug-05 13:39:58

Unicorn - No. My Dad told me he hoped I rotted in hell and wished me and my family no happiness in the future..... as a legitimate argument to the fact my typing was annoying him.

bundle Tue 02-Aug-05 13:43:18

unicorn, I'm not suggesting you use this as a basis for forgiveness, nor that she's worthy of it, but she quite clearly could have just not sent anything so I suppose I was pondering over why she did it. She's obviously well used to manipulating situations and knows how to hurt you, so you are right, IMO, to tread carefully. Maybe she thinks she has done wrong (NSPCC etc) and doesn't know how to voice that directly to you...or maybe she is just being minxy..sorry can't offer a magic wand, wish I could! x

unicorn Tue 02-Aug-05 13:44:17


Don't you query why we get the families we've got?

(+Isn't there a saying (along the lines of) 'if it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger' - I seriously wonder..?)

oops Tue 02-Aug-05 14:06:28

Message withdrawn

Jimjams Tue 02-Aug-05 14:17:50

bundle she means a dvd dodgy illegal copy, not swashbuckling pirates

I would do as someone suggested. Sya these are from Aunti X if they ask why they don't see her just say you're all "busy" then get the kids to send a thank you for the illegal dvd

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