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sister gone on holiday with my ex and my kids

(11 Posts)
allgrownup Sat 30-Jul-05 18:54:11

just found out that my sister has arranged a holiday with my ex and his girlfriend with her son and my 2 kids. As she did all this behind my back, as I had horrible, acrimonious divorce, am still being dragged to court by ex (issues re the children), as he left me twice when children very small - I am very upset.
What is worse is that I have beautiful daughtre with fab new husband and am expecting new baby next weds......we hate handing the oldest over but always do and the idea that she is off with them is horrible.
To cap it all - my father told me I should be 'grateful' she helping useless ex with my kids and she just being nice. So why does'nt she come and see us all as family then but only wants to see oldest 2?
oh, my mother has also arranged to meet with ex and my kids .........has'nt ever met youngest who is now 18months old.
for the record, I won a divorce on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour to me and the children.
Am feekling pretty numb about it all really and wouldlike to issue general family divorce if that were possible.
Anyone else have sister/family from hell?

Maddison Sun 31-Jul-05 08:19:06

This sounds awful. Luckily we get on with both our families and I'd be really upset if one of our siblings went behind our backs and did something like this.

Could you get in touch with your sister and ask why she has done this? Does she know how you feel about your kids being with your ex? It may be that in a round about way she feels she is helping, but the only way you will find out is to ask.

Sorry I'm not much help, hopefully someone else may be able to offer more advice.

M x

prettyfly1 Sun 31-Jul-05 21:53:44

i too have a hellish family and feel total suympathy for your situation. i dont know what to suggets but just wanted to bump this up and hope it gets bettr

prettyfly1 Sun 31-Jul-05 21:54:48

and i apologise for my dreadful spelling. i am not illiterate just a poor typist.(blush)

allgrownup Mon 01-Aug-05 15:01:33

Hi prettyfly and madison and thanks so much foryour messages.
I am fairly sure that sister knew this would upset me and that is why she has done it - she rejected all overtures from us (myself and new dh) for shared holidays in past (we asked her and nephew to join us at our expense in scotland so kids could spend time). Seems a bit pointed she would go offwith my ex and my 2 oldest now.
I think it all feels worse as I am due to have another baby next week and feel very bad that oldest 2 not around to see new sibling when born - am also worried ex will take opp to stir and tell them yet again that their half-sister's not 'real' sisters. Very upsetting for me as we treat all kids same as do my lovely in-laws.

Anyway - many thanks for kind words.

luckylady Mon 01-Aug-05 19:20:17

just wanted to send you some cyber hugs/ {{{{{{}}}}}

I can only imagine how you feel re everything.
My ex had my DD when my DS was due to be born and I was upset about that with out everything else you have going on. Luckily DD was back when ds was born.

Good luck with th baby... How old are the eldest 2'

allgrownup Mon 01-Aug-05 20:29:07

thanks for hug - I need it!
oldest are 8 1/2 and 6 1/2 with current 'baby'18months. I got togther with my dh when the oldest children were 4 and 6. He's been a really lovely father to them and we really do see ourselves as a family (without denying oldest 2 right to see bd which they do often).
We tried to phone them tonight to reassure all well as ds was a bit anxious about baby arriving before he went away - ex has switched off his mobile and not returning any calls.
So, we'll be unable to tell the children when their new baby arrives.
Am feeling awful about this.

hermykne Mon 01-Aug-05 20:38:59

this sounds terrible, and your older children are still young enough to be very senstitive and impressionable,, and i am sure they would love to know about the new baby, what planet is oyur sister on? does she not see your side at all?
or how it'll affect the older children

was there any legal thing regarding access/holidays with oyur ex that maybe you could use in this instance - clutching at straws??

your sister must be very jealous of you.

i hope your 4th birth goes well btw.

milward Mon 01-Aug-05 20:48:13

Sounds complicated - hope you're ok. Best wishes for the birth of your baby. Stay strong xxx

allgrownup Mon 01-Aug-05 21:05:31

Hi hermykne and milward-
I hesitated before posting any of this but am so pleased I did as all your support has made me feelso much better.
Ex is entitled to half all holidays (he has the kids for 3 weeks at the mo)...I can't force any phone contact or anything while they're with him.
I'm going to send a letter for the kids so they'll get it when they return from holiday to his place and will know we have'nt forgotten them.
ex knows baby due and knows that ds esp anxious about outcome (think he's afraid something might go wrong as he was very demonstrative before he left and unusually keen to tell me he loves me).
Hope that he will allow kids to phone me if they ask.............
Have to say, think jealousy remark re my sister may explain it all but is prety sick to think it and I can't begin to understand her.

luckylady Tue 02-Aug-05 11:30:41

allgrownup- I am really feeling for you. Luckily my ex keeps his phone etc on and I have the numbers for his parents house and his ands his girlfriend. I have to speak to DD everyday whilst she is away.

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