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something quite not right......

(31 Posts)
KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 17:03:23

I have been with my dp for a few weeks now after being reunited after 4 years. We were love birds at college, totally in love and quite happy. We just had one big argument, I finished my college year, and we never saw each other again til about a month ago in town and since then we got back together. I still love him and he says same about me too.

Before, in the college days, he was all over me, I just had to click my fingers and run, and the first time we met up this time, it was just like old times again, he was very much all over me and telling me how much he missed me and still loves me, but since then if I try to call him, he's always sounding like someone might be there IYSWIM or says he is at work. He did say when we met up again this time that he was having a casual fling with someone, but when I asked him more details about it, he said she was just sex, nothing more, and that now he has me, she is history. Thing is, I can't help feeling something is maybe going on, like this woman maybe is a girlfriend and not just sex as he says. Another thing is, that when we meet up he has taken me to his friend, khalid's (who I have met) house and Khalid is at work or at the gym.

In the college days he lived with 2 other males. I went to his house often. He has since moved he says to another part of town, but says he lives with 4 other guys and the flat is always a tip and the lads always have mates around, but he hasn't really said why we always go to Khalid's and not to his own flat.

MascaraOHara Fri 29-Jul-05 17:07:23

Sorry to be blunt but sounds like he's living with a woman to me. I would INSIST on going back if he refused I'd leg it.

MascaraOHara Fri 29-Jul-05 17:07:56

If he won't tell somebody he 'loves' where he lives there's a problem imho

WigWamBam Fri 29-Jul-05 17:08:43

Sounds to me like he already has a partner, too.

Blu Fri 29-Jul-05 17:16:53

He's not telling all there is to tell, here, is he?
I think you need to have a serious talk, and if he really wants to get back together properly, he has to be serious and sort out the rest of his life accordingly.

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 17:18:16

he's on phone right now....i asked if he works weekend coz I wasnt sure if he did or not, he said no but he's got plans, he said he's going to some party organised by church (dp that I once knew would have invited me immediately) and was seeing friends on sunday (again old college dp would have invited me to meet his friends - I met loads of his mates last time) so I just left it at that and said I hope he has a nice weekend. He sounded really quiet too and said he was tired. Hmmm, I dunno why I bother with men sometimes, but read on telly addicts in a few mins how i'm going to cheer myself up tonight!

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 17:19:33

he's told me the district he lives in - newton heath, but back at college, whether his home was a tip or not, he wouldnt have thought twice about inviting me round to his place to meet all his housemates.

Blu Fri 29-Jul-05 17:21:29


tbh KS, it sounds as if he really has an attraction for you, and he was very drawn to you when you met up again recently, dived in without considering the consequences, and is now either backing out a bit, or is, as you suspect, involved elsewhere.

Alternative cheering up strategies required!

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 17:21:39

To be honest, I didnt quite think he was the type to lie, he's an outgoing, polite, well-mannered african guy. I just think that when he told me about the girl he was seeing casually, that she may be more of a girlfriend than a shag buddy.

trefusis Fri 29-Jul-05 17:22:43

Message withdrawn

Blu Fri 29-Jul-05 17:23:41

Maybe you could call and say(calmly, in a friendly understanding voice, of course!) 'look, would you prefer it if we re-wound a bit, and just stayed friends instead of starting where we left off before?' - all unthreatening, so that he might at least be truthful with you, and not leave you squirming around?

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 17:25:12

He used to be so into me back at college, called me everynight and when I dumped him because I had moved on from college and was busy meeting new ppl, he cried. I've told him since we met up again that I am truly sorry for being such a bitch back then, and he has told me how very happy he is to have found me again, but there are no texts now (college - used to be every single day, as did phone calls, and at weekend he made every single second spare to be with me, and if he had made arrangements to meet friends, he took me along too, so I cannot understand why hasnt included me or he doesnt text or phone me or even sounds distant and very quiet when on phone).

Blu Fri 29-Jul-05 17:27:02

I got back with an ex after a break in which we both had relationships with other people. When he realised he really would like to be with me, he told me that there was something he would like to talk to me about, but not yet, THEN finished his marriage, then asked me if we could consider getting back together.
Which I did!
I think the important bit is finishing any existing relationships first - otherwise he's just treating you like a shag-buddy too.

trefusis Fri 29-Jul-05 17:28:59

Message withdrawn

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 17:41:42

but it was him who asked me back out, telling me how much he missed me etc...i even asked him on the phone the night he asked me back out if he had a girlfriend and he said yes....you, if you will be it. Of course I said yes, and so here we are.

To be honest, I've been single for about 6 months before I met him again and it is so nice not having to worry about or 'look after' another adult, so I wouldn't be too bothered if I had to brake it off now or if he did, I don't think...just upset if he did have a girlfriend or upset too if he asked me back out but his heart wasn't really in it, because that would just be wasting my time and I would be having sex and giving my love to someone who doesnt really deserve me.

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 17:48:38

should i text him and ask if he has a girlfriend or could that upset him?

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 17:56:59

I just texted him. It said.........."hi isaac, was just wondering if u have a girlfriend? I wont be mad if u do. plz txt back...."

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 17:57:48

but of course i'll be mad...i'll be livid!!!

if he dont text back I know hes hiding something coz he has credit.

giraffeski Fri 29-Jul-05 18:06:08

Message withdrawn

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 18:08:12

nope...not yet

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 18:36:27

still no reply....think I may have pissed him off, or maybe he's its true and he is too ashamed to answer.

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 18:54:23

well, he texted me back and asked me if I would stay with him if he had one.

I said yes of course, obviously telling porkies - theres no way I would

But he text back saying he hasnt got 1

lunavix Fri 29-Jul-05 18:55:41

sounds like he does I'm afraid.

Ultimatum - tell him you want to go and see him now.

giraffeski Fri 29-Jul-05 18:58:07

Message withdrawn

KemalsStilletto Fri 29-Jul-05 19:15:58

yea, this is exactly how the texts went after the 1st one I sent;

From him : hi, what makes u fink dat i have a gf?

me: just the way you are this time around

from him: i dont get u, how am i different and y wouldnt u be angry? it wouldnt bother u?

me: no, it wouldnt bother me because i like you so very much (obv. it would bother me)

him: u mean u still would go out wid me?

me: yes i would

him: well that is nice to hear if it's true but no i havent got a gf

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