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Anyone ever had an affair and managed to keep it secret?

(382 Posts)
parkranger Tue 20-Apr-10 12:43:54

well have you and do you regret it now?

hadenoughofwork Tue 20-Apr-10 12:54:07

should do, but don't. was an ex, found me on fb. started off ok but i should never have accepted him as a friend. never stopped loving him and he said he felt the same. had the best summer together and then it just fizzled out, i am married, he is not. if i had been brave enough i would have left dh like a shot but my children come first and that was that. we kept in touch but have not seen each other since the autumn, i miss him like mad but all contact stopped a month ago (my choice) and it is over.
my confidence has gone through the roof and i am the happiest i have been in years. i am working hard on my marriage and i will do what i have to do to make it work. but i will never regret what i did.

hadenoughofwork Tue 20-Apr-10 12:55:14

p.s, yes, kept it a secret

parkranger Tue 20-Apr-10 12:58:28

thats so good to hear had enough.

I know that people are really going to lay into us for saying this but my affair has really brought me alive and if anything, it has made my marriage better. I don't regret it.

hadenoughofwork Tue 20-Apr-10 13:05:45

cant say it made my marriage better, but i am trying really hard. but i do think if my marriage had been ok it would never have happened! who knows. it is so easy to lay into someone if you have never been their yourself. before it happened i would have done just that. i know i should feel guilty, and sometimes i do get a twang of guilt but if i could, i would do it again. if my children had been younger (not teens) i would have gone.
just be careful, dont get in to deep, and tell nobody x

whomovedmychocolate Tue 20-Apr-10 13:12:32

Yes, in previous marriage. It is still a secret. It probably contributed to the break down of my first marriage. But I didn't realise that till after it was over (and I ended it)

QuinnFabray Tue 20-Apr-10 13:46:17

I had an affair a couple of years ago. It only lasted a couple of months and I got my heart broken. I'm over it now though.

My marriage is pretty much over now - not yet, but it will be. I do believe the marriage would have ended anyway, although the affair did make me realise that my relationship with my husband wasn't what I wanted. The other man showed me what it could be like. Maybe not with him, but I wouldn't mind a chance with somebody else.

It's a secret. I'm still in touch with the other man, as a friend, and because we have this secret together, we have a good level of trust. And a friend you can trust that deeply is not something that you come across too often, so I have no regrets because I've learned a lot about myself, about love, and I've made a very good friend out of it.

Sometimes life's not black and white, and sometimes amazing and shocking things happen. Never would have dreamed I'd do anything like that until it happened. I also learned that I will never ever be unfaithful again.

hadenoughofwork Tue 20-Apr-10 13:50:30

i honestly dont think i would have been unfaithful with anybody else. he knew and still does know me better than anybody. my moods everything. dh just puts me down all the time. om is my best friend, i could tell him anything, but i cant have him just as a friend. so contact stopped. i check text and email constantly, hoping he will try to speak to me, but he is strong and i know he wont.
life is a bitch lol

parkranger Tue 20-Apr-10 14:02:13

I met mine through work. We have a shared joke that i am his work DW and he is my work DH. I suppose that i need to seperate it from my home life to deal with the guilt.

RubyPink Tue 20-Apr-10 14:03:52

parkranger... how long has your affair been going on?

parkranger Tue 20-Apr-10 14:05:20

about 6 months now and still all very exciting.

RubyPink Tue 20-Apr-10 14:07:02

How often do you manage to get together? guess you see him every day at work?

mayorquimby Tue 20-Apr-10 14:12:55

jesus christ congratulating people for having affiars.

parkranger Tue 20-Apr-10 14:13:06

we see each other every day, but 'see each other' a couple of times a week.

Are you seeing someone Ruby?

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives Tue 20-Apr-10 14:19:05

Why don't you seperate from your OH's? Seriously?

AmazingBouncingFerret Tue 20-Apr-10 14:24:17

Theres something a bit murky about this thread. All's well if you really like this other man but you really need to tell your OH. Tis only fair.

SheWillBeLoved Tue 20-Apr-10 14:27:22

Agree with above. Give them the opportunity to cash in on this open relationship that they aren't yet aware of. Jesus, the mess that this thread would be if it were a load of men discussing their bits on the side.

parkranger Tue 20-Apr-10 14:28:03

I am not looking for anyone's approval. Sorry, but i was looking to get some support from people in a similar position to myself.

KERALA1 Tue 20-Apr-10 14:30:56

You havent kept it secret. I would bet my bottom dollar that everyone at your work knows. Married people often had affairs in the offices I worked in and without fail it always always got out. Used to make me snort the elaborate lengths the "lovers" would go to keep their secret when in fact everyone was discussing how utterly pathetic they were.

Sassybeast Tue 20-Apr-10 14:33:07

Am sure there are forums out there for people like you.

hadenoughofwork Tue 20-Apr-10 14:35:34

i would say that unless you want it to get out or unless you really want to spend your life with him and are prepared to leave dh etc get out now. the pain it causes is like nothing else and the longer it goes on the harder it will be to stop it.

i hated dh coming anywhere near me and hardly spoke to him, didnt want to be here!!!

as i said, its so easy for people to say we are wrong wehn they have never been there before and believe me.............NEVER SAY NEVER.

all the best

hadenoughofwork Tue 20-Apr-10 14:36:47

people like us????????????????????

Sassybeast Tue 20-Apr-10 14:39:51

People like you who have no regard for the feelings of other people and the impact that their actions have on their own spouses, partners and children and those of their bit on the side. People who laugh in the face of the vows that they and other people have taken and who want 'support' for their actions.

kamsmum Tue 20-Apr-10 14:40:16

I agree that there is no such thing as a "secret" affair - especially at work.

I have cheated and been cheated on, have won and lost. I speak from experience when I say that this is a lose/lose situation. Someone WILL get hurt. Is the excitement you are feeling now really worth that?

ShadeofViolet Tue 20-Apr-10 14:40:59

Yes, people like you!

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