Dad told me he hoped a "Rotted in hell".

[Toothache]

I'm won't go into the loooonng background here. But my Dad has effectively been my boss for the past 4 mths. We don't really get along at the best of times, but it's been awful. He makes a fool of my in front of the guys on site, he drags my personal life into every work issue, he's so racist and bigotted that I cringe.... he's just a complete dick.

Anyway, on Tuesday afternoon he had been put under pressure by his boss... and there had also been a problem with the project. He was in a bad mood and everyone else had buggered off early without telling him.

He decided that my typing was annoying him. He started asking confrontational and aggressive questions like "Who are you emailing now?" and "You're not doing work you're just taking the piss out of me"!!!

I was actually MN'ing but I wasn't going to explain THAT to him.

Anyway, I told him he was being ridiculous (only the other day he went off his head coz my sniffing was annoying him). I told him that I was sick of him taking things out on me when he was put under pressure.

I walked out the portacabin and phoned DH for a rant and to tell to come collect me (Dad normally runs me home). I was due to finish 45 mins later anyway.

When I got back in my Dad went off his head "WHO WERE YOU PHONING TELLING LIES ABOUT ME???" I said it was DH and it wasn't lies it was true that he was going mental at me coz my typing was irritating him.

He walked out and walked straight back in and said this:

"I hope you rot in hell, I really do"
"You deserve NO happiness for your future"
"I hope you have all the bad luck going coz that all you deserve"

Whilst he was shouting this I was packing up my laptop, smiling and nodding at him. I said "I don't have to take that from anyone, never mind my own Father. I am leaving now and I'll tell HO on Thurday why I won't be back on site" I said he was bully and a pig and really I was overdue for doing this. I also told him that if I had been a male employee I'd have punched him in the mouth by now and then I walked out. He came out after me shouting "Why can't you be nice to me, you have been horrible to me since you started at this office. Why are you trying to jeapardise my job???"
WTF?????????????????

I said I wasn't jeapardising his job, but he had now ruined any kind of Father Daughter relationship we had and thathe couldn't even treat me like a human being.

He then asked me not to leave until my shift finished coz....... wait for it....... HE WAS WORRIED WHAT MY BOSS WOULD THINK?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Anyway, I stayed for another 30 mins, but thankfully didn't speak to him again as someone came to see him.

I haven't spoken to him since, but I'm due back on site tomorrow.

I really don't know what to do. He has said too many horrible things to me and it's becoming daily. I do NOT want a relationship with him, but I guarantee that he will carry on as nothing has happened.
I know this is really long, but I'd appreciate any advice/opinions from you all

[NotQuiteCockney]

Do you need this job? Can you find another one? Will someone other than your dad give you a good recommendation?

If possible, I'd quit, work out notice, and work somewhere else. Your relationship with your dad may or may not recover, but working there certainly isn't helping it!

[expatinscotland]

Didn't you just get another job to go to?

Sorry, but ANYONE who talks to their own kid like this isn't worth having a relationship with.

If he's that immature that he can't control his anger, he's not worth having a relationship with.

I would have nothing further to do with him till he gets some anger management counseling, he sounds volatile and potentially violent.

[Blackduck]

Toothache anyone who speaks to you like that (father or not) does not deserve the time of day. I would (if you can) go in and act like nothing happened too in that you treat him as you would treat anyone you work with - professionally - he is being neither professional (and quite frankly his treatment of you just on a work front is grounds for complaint)nor a supportive parent. You are getting out of there soon - so just think YOU have got out - he has to stay...

[expatinscotland]

I'm gobsmacked ANY parent would say this to their own child and I wouldn't hesitate to report him for verbal abuse.

HE is the one who deserves what he has coming.

[bootsmonkey]

Go sick - get a note citing stress from the docs, or do you have any holiday left. He is an appalling manager, and no one should have to take the c**p he is dealing out - related or not. Dosn't your new job start on 8 Aug?? I wouldn't go back personally. And if anyone asks why, tell them eactly the reasons, blow by blow. I believe there are laws in place for workplace bullying. He shouldn't expect to get away with what he likes, just because you are blood. He needs a right royal kick up the arse. He can't shout his mouth off and then beg you to say nothing in case he gets in trouble for it. I pity the rest of the poor bunch he works with, although they probably don't get the full brunt of what he is capable of if he is sticking to typical bully form.

Get the hell out, hold your head high and relax for a week. You have enough on your plate without adding a bullying bigot that you can't change....

Good luck

[Toothache]

He has always been verbally abusive to my Mum (and when we were younger it was physical too). My Mum (for those that don't know) has declared herself homeless and living with me and is currently on a waiting list for a house. She is still living at home and my Dad knows nothing about this.

He always puts what others think in front of how his family feels. I have told recently that he will end up a very lonely man. I'm actually wishing that on him now.

Thanks for your replies.

I should add that when he got scared about what I'd say to head office he panicked and said "IF I have said anything to upset you then I'm sorry" EH????

I just laughed and told him to "get to fu**". Not the best response but I was so shocked and disgusted that I couldn't think of anything more literate.

[Toothache]

....I finish this job a week tomorrow.... so not long to go.

[Toothache]

Oh GOD I've just remembered... he is giving my a lift to site tomorrow!!! How can I get out of that???? He'll just turn up like nothings happened!

[serenity]

He doesn't sound well at all tbh, I'd get out of there asap and speak to your HR department. Read back what you've written about his behaviour and pretend it was a complete stranger....he sounds like he's on the verge of some kind of breakdown - paranoia, irrational rage etc.

Get yourself out of there, you don't deserve him taking his cr*p out on you.

[Blackduck]

TA if you are going to go in and not throw a sikie (have to admit I like that idea, but suspect they may not pay you...) I'd take the lift and pretend nothing happened too. As long as he doesn't mention it - you don't mention it - finish the job, get out, and THEN bring it up if you feel the need to

[alux]

hugs toothy. after having my mum rant at me for the third time in 6 months when she called, reversing the charges, i told her that the next time she called to pay for it herself as i am not accepting charges anymore.

the moral of the story: others can only treat you as badly as you let them.

ps: she shld be pleased i warned her, saving her the embarrassment of me refusing charges. [cynical emoticon]

[expatinscotland]

You can get out of it by taking a taxi to the site and back. Well worth the money. Can you imagine if he kicks off in the car? WTF?!

He's got anger management issues.

He needs a professional to deal w/those, it's not something anyone can sort and it CERTAINLY doesn't mean anyone has to put up w/it.

And yeah, I'd get on HR about it.

Honestly, as long as he's allowed to get away w/such behaviour, he will.

I would have not only told him to get to f*, I'd have done my best to send him there as well.

He's lucky he never had any sons who grew up and kicked the shit out of him. I knew A LOT of blokes who did.

[alux]

pps related my story to say you aren't alone.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Given the extra background you've given ... I'd just not bother about it, avoid him as much as possible. If he start acting this way again, ignore him, avoid him, as much as you can.

And when the job finishes ... I'd keep ignoring him and avoiding him.

[Toothache]

Expat - He has 2 sons who hate him. One is 16 and the other is 13. The 13 yr old has squared up to him before. The 16 yr old is so laid back that when my Dad starts he just walks away.... he could easily knock my Dad out as he's 4 inches taller than him. But I really hope none of them ever stoop to his level.

In my ears as a teenager all I can hear are things like "You're a waste of space, this University is just going to cost me money"... Incidentally it didn't, I moved out, but 8 yrs on I'm STILL Paying off my debts.

If I put on weight I'd get told I had an arse on me like a portabello donkey and that I was starting to look like my Mum. My big sister got the same treatment and i blame that on how fucked up she is.

[expatinscotland]

What he has coming, Toothache, is kids who have nothing to do w/him.

HE is the waste of space, not you, your sister or his sons.

Stay the hell away from him as much as possible and if you find that hard to do then enlist the support of your spouse and other family members to help you w/it. I wouldn't have anything to do w/my ILs if they abused my husband like that - he's a lovely man.

I like Blackduck's suggestion of going to see the GP about the stress this has caused you - spare the GP nothing. Tell them the truth.

And as of 8 August, I'd tell HR the entire story. He shouldn't be allowed in a management position w/issues like that.

[Toothache]

Expat and everyone else here.... you are right. I read that initial post through and think it sounds so shocking..... and I haven't even posted that whole story (far too long!).



I feel sorry for my Brothers coz my Mum tries to stand up for them when he is in full "Character Assassination" mode, but more often than not loses it and makes things worse. She won't phone and chase up the council coz I firmly believe she won't leave him (too weak.... she disgusts me sometimes ).

[Blackduck]

So TA what will you do? Can you afford to take the risk they may not pay you if you go sick?

[Toothache]

Blackduck - I can work from HO, thats where I am today. I really only HAVE to go through there 2 days next week (Monday and Friday).

They can potentially not pay me for the 1st week in August and 1 week holiday pay I'm due..... but we REALLY need that money as I don't get my 1st pay in my new job until the 19th August.

Its dd's 1st birthday next week and I was going to have a wee party on Saturday.

[anorak]

Toothache I'm really glad after reading all this that you do have another job to go to.

If that's how he's treated you all your life then you've done an amazing job evolving into the you you are now. Just thinking what an acheivement that is should be a huge shot in the arm for you. xxx

[expatinscotland]

Use a credit card. No amount of money is worth the soul-destroying abuse he doles out to his own daughter! I've seen the look on childrens' faces when their parents say awful, hurtful things to them. There's just no excuse for it! The parent is supposed to be the adult.

Can you at least talk to the HR? They might be sympathetic and stump up. You won't know till you try. Ditto talking to the GP. I know I'd be willing to cut someone a break after hearing a story like that. That's just awful.

[Blackduck]

TA repeat following mantra - 'finished on 8th Aug, finished on 8th of Aug'......
Go to HR - explain situation - ask if you HAVE to go across to the site next week...

[Toothache]

Forgot about this bit. My Dads Dad died when he was 17. We always thought it was leukimia, but he told me (and EVERYONE in the office) a few weeks ago that his Dad committed suicide by taking an overdose.

After that incident on Tuesday I was sitting waiting for DH to pick me up when I heard Dad on the phone in the office next door. He said really loudly "I'm doing shite, in fact, at the moment I feel like driving off the Forth Rd Bridge, I just can't take anymore". I've no idea who he was speaking to, but he was clearly wanted me to hear. I just thought.. go ahead then.

[expatinscotland]

'I feel shite, so instead of getting help, I'll beat up my wife, tell my kids I hope they rot in hell, and try to make everyone else feel as shite about themselves as I do.'

Yeah, that's a really positive way to get folks to want to help you out.

Toothache, he needs a professional. And you will to if he's allowed to continue to verbally abuse you like that.