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Went mad at dp last night - no question about me being unreasonable!

(81 Posts)
MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 08:40:41

We have been trying to book a holiday for weeks and weeks, we can't agree on where to go and I have just ran out of time due to work commitments and ran out of patience with him because he just is so indifferent that it makes me think he doesn't want to go. We are supposed to be flying Fri night/sat morning!

Anyway I finally found some that looked appealing yesterday and sat him in front of the computer last night.

He started looking and demonstrated that he obviously hadn't been listening to a word I said over the last few months (changing the outbound dates to dates that weren't suitable amongst other things)

He sat in front of the bloody computer all night and at about 10:45 he announced that he'd found somewhere that he liked (please bear in mind that I have suggested nearly every holiday destination around the world) and it was the last place him and his ex went on holiday.

Something in me snapped and I went mad, I threw what I had in my hand at him (have never thrown anythign before - ever) and just hurled abuse at him. Found a box of cigrettes in the back of a kitchen cupboard, stood outside smoked a fag whilst he was asking questions about where else I'd like to go (he compeltely ignored the abuse). I just ignored him, went to bed without speaking another word. He sat down stairs for about 15 mins then came up, asked in a real soft voice if I was awake and I pretended I was asleep. Got up this morning and he was asleep, didn't wake him to say bye or anything.

Feel rotten about being a bitch but feel so cross with him still that I don't even want to talk to him let alone grovel.

This probably doesn't make sense without our history so hears a brief catch up..

We split up 4 or 5 years ago after a 2 year relationship because he would never do anything with me. He had another girlfriend who he dated last year for about a year who he went loads of places with including 4 holidays, amongst other weekends away, days out etc. Now we're back together he doesn't want to do anything with me again. Yes I know it's jealousy but I don't understand what's wrong with me, if he doesn't like spending time with me then why isn't he with her or someone else. I just could scream!

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 08:41:13

bum, sorry about the length! I could've gone on longer as well

spagblog Wed 27-Jul-05 08:51:32

That must be very frustrating, but his response is interesting...Is he normally this calm when faced with anger?
He has either realised that he has mucked up, or knew what he would be provoking.
Would it help if you spelt all this out to him?

Sorry that my advice is pants...Hopefully someone will post something of use!

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 08:59:25

he's always very placid, I think though that I probably shocked him, I've never thrown anything at him or anyone before and I've never ever given him the cold shoulder (I'm big on talking things through) but I just feel like I've talked and talked and told him how I feel until I'm blue in the face. He so very obviously either doesn't listen or doesn't care.

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 08:59:51

also he doesn't have an ounce of common sense!

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 09:10:47

god am just furious. the longer I sit at my desk, the more I stew in my own juices.

WideWebWitch Wed 27-Jul-05 09:12:46

He needs to buck his ideas up pronto. I'd be annoyed too.

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 09:23:35

The first question he asked after I threw the box of crackers at him was "What have I done wrong?" my response was if you don't know by now I can't be bothered to tell you again.

Can someone honestly be so f*cking stupid??

Does he reaslly think that I want our first ever holiday to be spent by him dragging me round 'this excellent bar' that he'd been to with her. I know exactly what it would be like. FGS.

I don't know what I'm more cross about, his stupidity, his tactlessnesss of his complete lack of interest in spending any quality time alone with me. Away from his friends and my dd.

Twiglett Wed 27-Jul-05 09:29:32

he's an arse .. book your own holiday and have a week's peace without him

flamesparrow Wed 27-Jul-05 09:32:03

Oooh, he does my DH's reactions - and DH has admitted that he stays calm like that just to wind me up more!!

With the other girlfriend... was he the one organising all the stuff, or was she the type to just drag him by the ear whether he wanted to go or not.

We've had screaming, throwing rows about DH not wanting to do much with me, and the final outcome always seems to be that he is perfectly happy just staying home, and just doesn't get that I get bored and want to do stuff occasionally.

The "what have I done wrong?"... men are stupid. plain and simple. He genuinely won't have any clue what's wrong. To him, its a holiday somewhere that he knows is nice... to you, its reliving his past.

HappyDaddy Wed 27-Jul-05 09:38:03

Probably not what you want to hear but may I ask why you are back with him? He sounds like a complete fool.

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 09:50:17

HD I'll have to answer that question when I'm feeling a little more balanced!

I still don't want to speak to him. This is so out of character for me. I'm just so cross, right now I wouldn't care if I never saw or heard from him again.

NotQuiteCockney Wed 27-Jul-05 09:51:43

It does seem really insensitive of him. Is he like this generally, or just about holidays?

And as others have said, I'd just go on holiday on my own, or with girlfriends. Sod him. If he wants to go on holiday with you, he should sort it out.

(I have sorted out every holiday DH and I have had. But that's fine, he does provide input, and I'm more interested in the details or something, I guess.)

spagblog Wed 27-Jul-05 09:53:00

Good question flamesparrow...It would make a HUGE difference to me if with his last girlfriend he had organised the holidays, or he had just gone along with her plans.
Maybe he only suggested the previous place because he fears change and is okay to revisit somewhere he has been before.
Maybe he is too scared to be adventurous!

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 09:59:27

Well I asked him 2 weeks ago if he was picking specific places because he'd been there before and did he feel uncomfortable about going somewhere else. I used the analogy that when we get a takeaway he always orders something he's had before because he knows he likes it but I order different things that I've never tried before and he always likes them. He said no he didn't mind going somewhere he'd never been before.

Yes his ex did organise them but he had agreed where to go. I am doing all the organising all I want him to do is say yes x destination is fine but whenever I find something that sound slike it would suit us bnoth he rubbishes it...

it's too hot or too far or the resort sounds too quiet always something. Honestly, you would not believe the sort of things he's come out with!

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 10:00:16

I know it sounds like I talk to him like he's thick!

flamesparrow Wed 27-Jul-05 10:12:37



I've been a bit like that the past few weeks... every time Boy has tried to suggest places for honeymoon I've been not keen on anywhere much. No idea why, I just couldn't settle.

We ended up in a travel agents, and she kept showing us different deals, and the perfect one jumped out.

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 10:20:54

How many different ways can you say

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SAN ANTONIO before a man understand? I would hate it and Malia.

I am not 18, I neither have the figure nor the energy of an 18 year old. I don't wear burberry, I don't drink until I vomit and I won't snog the nearest girl just to get some attention. I don't want to be thrown in a pool fully clothed, I don't want to participate in a wet t-shirt comp and I don't want to be forced into a game or volleyball by some inane anthony-looking idiot who thinks he's god gift just because he's a holiday rep.

I want to lay by a fairly quit pool that isn't covered in lilos, I want to drink in bars until the early hours and I want to be able to sleep at night not be kept awake by people shagging in corridors.

Easy Wed 27-Jul-05 10:23:46

Do what I do. You book the holiday, then tell him where you are all going, and when.

If I waited for dh to make up his mind, then make the arrangements, we'd never get anywhere.

Easy Wed 27-Jul-05 10:24:33

Or just ditch him !!

Freckle Wed 27-Jul-05 10:25:56

I'm with the suggestion that you should just book a holiday and go by yourself. It might just be the wake-up call he needs and, if it isn't, it would be a clear indication that this relationship isn't going anywhere. Who knows, you might meet someone worth the effort .

NotQuiteCockney Wed 27-Jul-05 10:26:57

I don't know what's up with your relationship as a whole, but it really sounds like a) you have a communication problem on this subject and b) you want very different things from holidays.

Go on holiday on your own, you'll enjoy it more.

NotQuiteCockney Wed 27-Jul-05 10:27:59

Oh, and I know you didn't ask, but I think you were generally not that unreasonable. Throwing things isn't great, and smoking isn't wise, but hey, you didn't try to throttle him, as many people would have ...

It's certainly entirely reasonable to be furious with him.

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 10:39:33

Generally we get on really well. We rarely disagree or argue, we only split up before because I felt the relationship was going nowhere - he never wanted to do anything (like go on holiday) with me.

When we split, I made it clear this was why. He promised he'd change but I felt it was too late. When he did all the things I wanted with his next girlfriend I felt like he must have taken on board what I said and changed his ways. Now that we are together again it seems it is exactly the same as before. I just don't get it, I feel like it's a reflection on me. I have tried talking to him about it and how it makes me feel but he says I'm being silly and that he loves me soo much, doen't want to be with anyone else, loves to be with me etc

I don't know, I'm feeling v negative at the moment. I feel like there's something wrong with me, that he doesn't like me/like my company. His actions contradict his words. He should be jumping at the chance to spend a week alone with me, no dd, sun, sex, drink, late nights, late mornings.

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Jul-05 10:40:06

to be honest I do think I was out of order last night an dout of character but I'm too p'd off to care at the minute.

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