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would u tell your ex...............

(10 Posts)
AfricoAngel Tue 26-Jul-05 18:37:24

that you have a new partner? My ex, Paul, who I broke up with 3 yrs back after a 6 month relationship recently got back in touch about a month ago asking to see me. I said maybe, but nothing solid. I fell pregnant to this when I was 18, but miscarried mid-pregnancy.

Paul calls me every once in a while but me never him, just because I dont have credit or think to do it.

The past week another ex, Isaac, who is a lovely guy, treats me like a princess, good sex etc and I decided to make another go of things, even tho its been about 3 or 4 yrs since we broke up. We both feel we have matured and get on brilliantly now. It wasnt him that was the problem before, it was me. I was a total bitch.
Paul just called me before and asked to see me but I told him I was busy for a bit but then he asked if I was seeing someone new and I held back at first, but then he told me he sensed that I was, so I told him I was, and he basically went off on one that I was seeing someone!

It has been 3 years since we broke up, and although I know he may still have feelings etc, I do too, afterall he was my babies father, I think he should accept that I have a new partner and he has no right to go off on one. I wonder if I did the right thing telling him now.

Paul and I also chat regularly on msn messenger and he's always asking if we can ever have another baby and asking when I will be ready. I tell him our miscarried ds is in heaven now and knows we love him very much but we will never have another baby because we aren't together and probably won't ever get together again because we're better suited friends. He says some very nasty things to me when I say this.

Nightynight Tue 26-Jul-05 18:59:52

Hi AA
It sounds as though you have been perfectly straight with your ex, and he has nothing to complain about. You are right, he should accept that you have someone else now, and you shouldnt have to feel that it is something to hide.
hope your new relationship works out!

HappyDaddy Wed 27-Jul-05 09:40:01

You don't have to tell him if you don't want to. It's your life and you can do what you want with it. He's your EX, if he can't handle that then that's his problem. If he's being nasty then it sounds like he may only be keeping contact in the hope that you'll get back together. Have you thought about cutting contact with him?

AfricoAngel Wed 27-Jul-05 09:50:48

I do try to cut contact with him really just because I feel we don't have anything in common anymore, but he's always on at me that he really wants us to meet up, and he even moved to a different branch of his work to my town in the hope of seeing me. I never ever call him and often tell him I am busy when he calls, but he just don't get the message and goes barmy when I tell him I have no intentions of us meeting up.

munz Wed 27-Jul-05 10:14:55

oh tough one althou i've been there in this situation with an ex I m/c at 7.5 weeks to him at 16, we didn't talk for about 2 years then it calmed down and we met up but something wasn't there, anyhow we didn't talk for another 4 years and i met my DH and married him, now we can talk about things, it's a shame we didn't 6 years ago when it was needed but it's been good for the closure now. we do talk occassionally, but not much as DH is v sensitive about it (as I am with one of his ex'es who it happened with), I do love him still and always will in a way but the thing is I'm with DH he's got a g/f and we both know no matter what things wouldn't have worked out and i'd never have met DH, I think things happen for a reason.

HappyDaddy Wed 27-Jul-05 11:10:25

He sounds sad and needs to grow up. Sorry.

Caligula Wed 27-Jul-05 11:19:34

OMG he sounds like a stalker. I'd cut ties with him AA. And tbh, I can't see any new partner putting up with him hanging around, for any length of time. How would you feel if Isaac had this ex texting and messaging him and asking him if he wanted another baby? If it were me, I would be asking myself if this bloke had moved on and was ready to have another relationship - and I'd probably conclude that he wasn't. The continued unwelcome presence of Paul in your life is endangering your chances of moving on.

AfricoAngel Wed 27-Jul-05 11:25:03

Thanks very much for your advice. How do I get rid of Paul then? I definately do not want him in my life as I wouldn't like it one bit if one of Isaac's exes was in the picture asking him to get back together. In fact, I'd prob call her some nasty names!

HappyDaddy Wed 27-Jul-05 11:29:07

You will have to tell him that there is absolutely no chance of you ever getting back together. Tell him you don't want him to contact you again. If he gets nasty, tell him that if you have to you'll get the police involved. Unfortunately the only way is the hard way. If you're too nice about it he'll tell himself you don't really mean it.

munz Wed 27-Jul-05 11:45:11

get rid of him - cut all ties from the internet to phone numbers etc aand don't contact him at all then see how things go, hopefully he'll get the message

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