Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I go?

(22 Posts)
MrsVictoriaBeckham Sat 23-Jul-05 17:19:16

I have a friend, a best friend infact, and I am supposed to be staying over tonight at hers. We aren't going out, just watching tv and what have you. I am not really looking forward to going really and find myself making excuses not to see her most times. I know this is nasty but we have so little in common. I like going out when possible, big brother, meeting new friends, but she likes staying in, watching the lion king and ice age (no kidding!) and playing games on her computer. I am 21 and she is 24. Is this unusually immature for her to enjoy doing these things? She still lives with her parents and siblings.

mememum Sat 23-Jul-05 17:49:36

Have to say I wouldn't want to go. I'm 24 and like similar thing as you have mentioned. No one I know who is same age as me watches these things unless they have kids. Does she watch them all the time?
I don't think you're being nasty but perhaps your friendship has come to a natural end?

MrsVictoriaBeckham Sat 23-Jul-05 18:06:18

hi mememum, yes, everytime I go to her house, she asks if I want a video on or to play a computer game. I say a video as the types of games she has does not interest me and I dont like playing games anyway, apart from the Sims, making them have affairs and I dont even play that from one month to the next

So the video I ask for is Clueless. Its the only girly adult one she's got but she makes some excuse about her sister having it, so we end up watching Ice Age, Lion King, Fox and the Hound or the one last week was Harry Potter. If I suggest we go shopping she wants to go in the game shops and doesnt have a good rummage and just looks bored in new look and etam etc...

She doesnt take an interest in fashion neither, which its up to her whether she does or not, but all she wears is baggy tshirts and jogging bottoms. She is a size 24, like me, but like I said, wears things that makes her look even bigger and refuses to take her coat (which is a thick fleece) off in the summer.

I suppose I will feel totally mean if I just drop her because she is always there but if I have problems with men, she doesnt understand because she has never had one! Her parents dont even let her out after 6 o clock in the evening, which explains why she doesnt have much of a life!!! I do find it really boring being with her and she is a stuggle sometimes but I really feel I cannot drop her, but its also a chore seeing her, and I cant let her down everytime she wants to see me.

MrsVictoriaBeckham Sat 23-Jul-05 18:09:54

Oh, and something really shocked me last week...she said she fancied a cartoon character! I was totally taken aback by this. Thought it was completely weird, but just asked a few questions, then she started getting defensive saying she thought he was just cute! It was a completely weird thing to say and really freaked me out!

WigWamBam Sat 23-Jul-05 18:14:27

Her parents don't allow her out after 6pm? It's no wonder that she finds it difficult to relate to people - because that's what this sounds like to me. She doesn't know how to behave around or relate to her peers so she puts on a video or a computer game instead.

If you value the friendship and want to help her then you will need to stick with it - make other suggestions for things to do and places to go, and encourage her to find some independence away from her parents. If that's something you don't value the friendship enough to do, then you need to cut the ties now.

mememum Sat 23-Jul-05 18:16:15

She isn't allowed out past 6? Glad you mentioned that because I was going to suggest taking her to pub and getting drunk
I see what you mean by not being able to drop her.
Is she happy about not being allowed out past 6? It sounds a really strict environment?
I know I would really struggle with a pal like this. Saw your other thread and I think Tyra is not attractive and a complete cow sometimes!

mememum Sat 23-Jul-05 18:21:36

Like WigWamBam said she doesn't seem to know how to relate to people. And as for fancying a cartoon character I'm not sure what to say.
Could you persuade her and her parents to let her come to yours or perhaps go to the cinema?

Lonelymum Sat 23-Jul-05 18:22:06

Not allowed out past 6? That is a joke surely. I thought I had a pretty strict upbringing when my mother banned me from going our for a week when I was 19 and had come home one time too many at about 1 o'clock! (I was always had a friend's house, I hasten to add, and he would see me home so I thought my mother was completely OTT at the time.)

I do agree with WWB though in that she sounds like she needs all the friends she can get, but I can also remember being friends with people when I was late teens/early 20s and I can remember the burden of being friends with them just became too much and I let the contact dwindle away. It doesn't sound nice, but then your friends should be someone you enjoy being with, not a charity case you feel sorry for.

MrsVictoriaBeckham Sat 23-Jul-05 18:56:59

I wish it was a joke! I dont know if this is naughty but I have encouraged her a few times to go against her parents and first I took her for a week in Blackpool (phoned parents to say she was with me in Blackpool once we were there) and the other time we went clubbing and she came back to mine and dp's house for the night. The next morning I got a phone call from her mum asking if I had seen her. I told her she left at 9am for home and it was now 11am, but should have taken her an hour max to get home on local public transport. I tried her mobile but it was off. I eventually got hold of her about 6pm, she said she was home now but had fallen asleep on the bus. I thought 'what, till that time?' It was obvious she didnt go home because she was dreading her parents reactions. Both times apparently her parents bollocked her upon returning home.

MrsVictoriaBeckham Sat 23-Jul-05 19:02:08

mememum....glad u agree about tyra!

I've tried her parents before about having her at mine, but they refuse. Also asked if she can come out to cinema, clubs, dinner etc but they refuse.

HappyHuggy Sat 23-Jul-05 19:06:25

and shes 24?

why are her parents so strict do you know?

and does she work? maybe a job would help her then she can move out of her parents house?

Dior Sat 23-Jul-05 19:11:16

Message withdrawn

MrsVictoriaBeckham Sat 23-Jul-05 19:17:28

well i'm off there tonight. She has epilepsy but I dont see why that should affect her going out. Obviously she cant drink as will interfere with medication but I dont drink anyways and we never go anywhere clubbing with bright lights to afect her. I dunno but they're like that with their ds aged 10 and their other dd's, one aged 18 and the other has managed to escape and got married.

Windermere Sat 23-Jul-05 19:48:10

Oh dear.....

Dior Sat 23-Jul-05 19:58:42

Message withdrawn

mememum Sat 23-Jul-05 20:46:45

I suppose you have gone by now. I just wondered how the other sibling managed to meet someone if in the same boat as her?

munz Sat 23-Jul-05 21:29:32

<my sil has epilepsy as well, she manages to drink and go clubbing etc suppose it depends on the meds thou>

mememum Sun 24-Jul-05 15:49:59

How did it go? Was it as bad you thought it might be?

MrsVictoriaBeckham Sun 24-Jul-05 19:31:38

Well I went and I just got back now! I just re-read what I said yesterday and it makes me sound like a cow but I'm just worried for her.

We watched vids last night in bed and had a chinese and then this morning we went to church til 2 o clock then back to house for chicken and rice. It was ok all in all, quite good fun actually and I managed to have a chat to her about what exactly she would do if she had the freedom I have and it turns out she'd love to come clubbing and do everything I do, so underneath she's just like other 20-odd year olds, just probably watches vids and plays computer games all the time because thats all she can do, I guess. We also had a big chat about personal hygiene and taking care of your self and in so many words I think she said that she wants to look good, doing her hair nice etc but whats the point when she cant go out for ppl to see and I understand completely now.

I do love my friend and will give her all the support she needs to gain her independance and i'm glad I went because it gave us such a good chance to open up to each other.

MrsVictoriaBeckham Sun 24-Jul-05 19:32:40

and I think it will be a weekly occurence now too!

WigWamBam Sun 24-Jul-05 19:35:23

You sound like a good friend, MVB.

Is it your friend's religion that has made them so strict with her? Do you feel that you would be able to help her cut the apron strings a bit, or maybe even have a polite chat with her parents about giving her some more freedom?

MrsVictoriaBeckham Sun 24-Jul-05 19:56:11

It is the religion I think. They think she might go out get pissed, get high and get pregnant but she wouldnt do any of them. Even if I swear or curse someone she looks at me in total disgust! She is sooo sensible but I will def help her find place of her own.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: