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What was the defining moment that made you realise it was over?...

(113 Posts)
skinnyhinny Sun 21-Mar-10 14:44:58

I love my H very much but not in the way I think I should and although we are actually living in a happy house at the moment I'm sure it can't go on and that something is missing. Am waiting for what that actually is to hit me in the face/creep up on me etc etc

So I was just wondering as a bit of a poll what or when that might be! There's been talk on another thread that there will definitely be 'the moment' that it hits you or dawns on you that it is definitely finally over. I don't mean finding out about an affair or anything as concrete as that but more the 'final straw' Only wondering because I'm waiting for mine....!

kyotokate Sun 21-Mar-10 15:48:38

I had been dreaming for a number of years about my then DH not being around and it always involved him dying and a great sense of relief for me.

What finally made me leave was him throwing his steel toe capped boot through the kitchen window during an argument and our then 4yr old DD witnessed it. I left the next day with DD and never went back.

This was many years ago and in retrospect it was one of the best things I ever did.

Fizzfiend Sun 21-Mar-10 16:48:32

When I lost respect for him. We were in a meeting and he was letting me do all the talking. I looked at him and he just looked pathetic and didn't say I thing. I'd always thought he was a man in control...that was a defining moment and it went downhill from now where we're splitting up.

BelleDameSansMerci Sun 21-Mar-10 16:56:27

My typical moment is much more trivial... It's when how they hold their cutlery (if it's incorrect) ceases to be a little foible and becomes teeth grindingly annoying. Or something else that I've disregarded that would normally aggravate me. I'm a bit of a cow though grin

ItsGraceAgain Sun 21-Mar-10 17:09:30

I think Belle's got a point. When the little foibles become persistently irritating.

I did know we were over about 3 months before it happened. We were at a party, I realised he had no interest in whether I was having a good time (I wasn't) - and that I could no longer be arsed to fret about it. It was more like a dull thud than a Moment, iykwim.

shoptilidrop Sun 21-Mar-10 17:10:18

when, after giving up everything for him for like the 20th time ( im talking house, job, friends and area). i found a secret email account.
His reaction was to deny then act like nothing had happend and to buy me a takeaway.
Then be horrible as hell and ignore me for two weeks.

I then finally realised ( and it did take me rather a long time) that that was it. I didnt love him and clearly he didnt love me and that no amount of working on it was ever going to change that.

When he was out i packed his bags, left them on the doorstep and locked him out.

Few months later i found out he had actually been having yet another affair.

posieparker Sun 21-Mar-10 17:11:21

I've had soooo many but I'm still here....sad

wastwinsetandpearls Sun 21-Mar-10 17:12:08

New years eve party, I looked around and realised there was not a single person there that I wanted near me and that included my husband. I walked out on the stroke of midnight. It was just like a duff duff moment on Eastenders

FabIsGettingThere Sun 21-Mar-10 17:14:24

If you are waiting for your marriage to be over I would say it already is and you should do the decent thing and tell your husband you don't want to be with him. Free him up to let someone else love him and enjoy being with him.

shoptilidrop Sun 21-Mar-10 17:14:29

i agree - dull thud type momment more than angry world crashing down around my head type momment. The world crashing down had happened contless times before. Maybe the panic of that all stopped me seeing the reality

I dont know, just a thought

Rubyrubyruby Sun 21-Mar-10 17:18:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dawntigga Sun 21-Mar-10 17:26:33

Catching him in bed with an 18 year old.


juliaruralwife Sun 21-Mar-10 18:04:46

Wow Tigga - just what did happen to that sense of humour of yours??! I hope you then assumed that he'd have a good old chuckle if he found you in bed with his best mate!

Anyway re; the moment - trust your instincts as they are always right. You will just KNOW. But I think you already know really. You're just waiting for an excuse to blame it on...

TheSteelFairy2 Sun 21-Mar-10 18:57:44

Tigga I really love your sign offs they always make me grin.

When I came home from a weekend away with dc and he had pawned our tv, Wii (ds's birthday present) and my DS to go out on the piss. Loads and loads of other stuff but that is one that pushed me over the edge.

dolphin13 Sun 21-Mar-10 20:11:59

When he beat me in front of 7 month old dd. It wasn't first time he beat me but first with her in the room.
I walked and never looked back.

VKschmeekay Sun 21-Mar-10 20:19:17

DSs dad - When I got him to admit he was back on drugs and he said to me "Cocaine is my mistress and will always come before you and ds."

XP - When I finally found the (very explicit) proof that he was cheating on his phone of him and another girl.

when i came straight home from having colposcopy treatment and he said "wtf took you soon long, hurry up and make dinner and watch these kids while i get a bath in peace before i go to casino"...

then followed by

"oh and while i'm up there can you come and shave my head and lay my clothes out, and find me some of my favourite type of boxers from the drawer and re-iron them is they have got all wrinkly because you folded them wrong when you put them in"

i was under strict instruction to go straight home for 24-48 hr bed rest which he knew about.

moondog Sun 21-Mar-10 21:27:12

'shave my head'


he had bald shaved head as bald in middle grin... but i had to do it. couldn't do it himself. or go to barbers aparently. was my idea in first place he just shave of the sporadic whisps that he was cultivating up there for a smoother sleeker do... so my responsibility aparently hmm

moondog Sun 21-Mar-10 21:34:07

OOh, bet your couldn't keep your hands off it. Not.
I know where the razor would have ended up if it was me.

moondog - tell you one better. he calls me occasionally and asks me to phone the local indian to him to order his "usual"... i phone from my phone and order it for his house. as i've realised it's actually quicker than trying to explain why i wont do it grin.. i like to often order the wrong thing by mistake [evil grin emoticon]

moondog Sun 21-Mar-10 21:38:44

How mad!
Why can he not do it himself?

no idea. asking him takes far longer than simply doing it for him. his answer to that question is usually a lie anywaygrin

Spero Sun 21-Mar-10 21:41:04

When during a Valentines' date, he moved his knee away smartly when it accidentally brushed mine and told me not to chew my food so loudly, I reminded him of my dad.

It was like a little 'click', I went home that night with him and knew it was over. It was quite trivial compared with other incidents, but I guess there is truth in the cliche about the straw breaking the camel's back.

beanlet Sun 21-Mar-10 21:42:00

After I went off the pill so we could start trying to have babies, I poured out my marital troubles to a friend, and he said "Well, you simply can't have a child with him until you've sorted all this out" -- and I suddenly realised why I had been putting off having children with him for years and years. . . because subconciously I knew I would be trapped.

Now married again, very happily, with a longed for and much loved little one on the way.

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