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How do i approach this one then?

(2 Posts)
walkingoneggshells Tue 19-Jul-05 14:51:12

I have a friend. We have been friends since we were small and we have been through such a lot together. Last year she got together with her youngest child's father who had not bothered to contact her all through the pregnancy. He moved in with her shortly afterwards.

Before they were even together, an incident regarding the child had led to a violent outburst from him where he threatened her other children. I thought she was silly to get involved with him but for her sake i really tried to get on with him. I watched her this last year or so become practically a recluse. She was not allowed out with her friends anymore. He took all the money she had and got her into lots of debt. She became very unhappy but she was frightened to call it all of. He is mentally and physically abusive to her, mentally abusive and threatening to her children. She finally threw him out a couple of months ago after smashing her house up (again), he threatened to kill her.

I have been through all this with her, time and time again, listening to her cry and supporting her. All her friends (including me) rallied round and helped to pay off her debts. Now i found out that they have gotten back together, i was the only friend she had not told. I dont want to visit her anymore. Ive tried, but i feel i just CANNOT be two faced and pretend i like him. I dont want my children near him. I dont want to see him. I dont want to fall out with her over this but i cant support her anymore and i cant make an effort with him. I know when i tell her i dont want to be near him, she will fall out with me. I dont want to lose one of my oldest friends but why should i take my children near someone i consider to be dangerous? (He also takes drugs). What on earth do i say to her?

starlover Tue 19-Jul-05 14:54:17

why don't you tell her exactly what you have just written?

be honest with her. she knows what he is like, even if she denies it

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