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had enough of DH's moods

(36 Posts)
sparklymieow Wed 13-Jul-05 23:46:32

I know he is feeling all the crap with our neighbours more, as they keep threatening him, but I have had enough of his moods, he doesn't help me with the kids in the mornings, I run around doing everything, I am doing all the school runs, all the washing, when I ask him to cook he says 'i cooked yesterday' but I am doing all the running about, I do the dishwasher about 2-3 times a day, he is in a contant mood, and when I ask whats up he says nothing, he also asked me all the time about 'us' but I am trying to keep things normal, its him that isn't.
He shouts at the kids all the time, and gets stroppy with them if they wake up in the night, and if they try to sleep during the day.
He snatches things away from my desk in a strop and drops them, where he doesn't have proper hold of them because he has snatched. He wants my attention all the time, I get up every morning at 6-7am and have a nap in the morning, housework after that its school runs, dinner, showers, bedtime for the kids, then we slob out on the sofa, then on here for a while, but he wants more. I can't give much more. I have just had enough of his moods
I try to have convertions with him and he ignores me, then says I am pushing him away.........

sparklymieow Wed 13-Jul-05 23:54:57

help!

Gomez Wed 13-Jul-05 23:55:47

I would if I could but not sure how to, Sorry.

Have you had an argument this evening?

sparklymieow Wed 13-Jul-05 23:56:34

no, he is just sulking.

Gomez Wed 13-Jul-05 23:57:11

Why is he sulking?

Dior Wed 13-Jul-05 23:57:13

Message withdrawn

hunkermunker Wed 13-Jul-05 23:57:40

Sounds like he's really depressed - not that it helps you, mind you.

I confess to checking back to the title of your post halfway through reading it to make sure it was your DH you were talking about and not your DS>..

Can you bargain with him? Say "If I do the dishwasher, will you do the dinner, or would you prefer to do the dishwasher?" rather than just asking him to do one thing. After all, if he's going to behave like a child, treat him like ne (but don't let him see you're treating him like one!).

sparklymieow Wed 13-Jul-05 23:58:26

because I am on here and not giving attention. Just don't know what he wants from me, I need 'me' time and this is it.

Gomez Wed 13-Jul-05 23:58:30

Have you asked him why he is not helping now? I presume he used to to better..

Gomez Wed 13-Jul-05 23:59:37

Not much help but Hunker he is a growm man treating him like a child isn't going to help surely? Whether he is behaving like one or not.

sparklymieow Thu 14-Jul-05 00:00:11

he is feeling down because of the neighbour thing, but I am trying to keep things normal, he is just sitting playing on his online game all day then expects me to give him undivided attention in the evenings.

hunkermunker Thu 14-Jul-05 00:00:23

No, not sending him to bed, etc - but SM is having trouble with doing all the chores, so not giving him the choice to slob out and ignore the fact they need doing might help?

sparklymieow Thu 14-Jul-05 00:01:15

he is a great dad and hubby normally, but he just doesn't see taht I am trying to keep things normal

hunkermunker Thu 14-Jul-05 00:01:47

Can you say "Sweetheart, I am really tired. You have seen how busy I've been today and I really would love it if you rubbed my feet/gave me a neck massage, etc"?

Don't do a long list of the jobs you've done - that will overwhelm him (as it does you).

Gomez Thu 14-Jul-05 00:04:07

SM do you really thing it is the neighbour thing. I remember thinking at the time that his reaction didn't seem what you would expect so could what ever the problem is pre-date that??

Hunker - I know what you mean but I am firmly in the b*tch wife category and take no prisoners. So sure don't let him ignore what is needing done I just wouldn't sweeten the pill at all .

sparklymieow Thu 14-Jul-05 00:06:24

he doesn't see what I do though, he thinks its just a few school runs, I put washing on as soon as I get up, try and do the dishwasher in the morning too. school run and shops, I then come home and have a nap, and then its lunchtime and then to dd2's preschool to drop her off, back again, tidy up, but he generally doesn't want to do anything so we sit down, and then I get annoyed with the mess, so start tidying up. If I go upstairs to tidy up, he comes and asks what I am doing, and says 'come and sit down' I am getting fed up with sitting about and then doing so much housework all at the same time IYKWIM.

hunkermunker Thu 14-Jul-05 00:08:06

Ask him for a backrub. Go on!

sparklymieow Thu 14-Jul-05 00:08:42

DH had depression last year, he had a bad upbringing and selfharms. He has bad reactions to things, and doesn't come out of the black hole easily. He was doing very well and doing school runs, and cleaning all the time, then this has knocked him down big time. I just don't know what to do.

Blossomhill Thu 14-Jul-05 00:09:54

I hope you don't mind me asking sm but does dh work?

hunkermunker Thu 14-Jul-05 00:10:04

Go and give him a big cuddle, SM. And talk to him about how good it will be when you are in the new house (Nov?). Plans and hope will get him out of this rut.

sparklymieow Thu 14-Jul-05 00:10:09

no, we are both carers.

sparklymieow Thu 14-Jul-05 00:10:47

he won't talk about the new house, as he refuses to get excited about it.

Blossomhill Thu 14-Jul-05 00:12:39

I just know that when I am around dh for a week when he is off drives me crazy!!!!

sparklymieow Thu 14-Jul-05 00:14:55

I said that to him the other day, he can't expect us to talk 24/7 as we have nothing to talk about, we dissuss the kids, the new house (well thats me) and school, we like to watch DVDs together, which we have done tonight, but because neither of us work we have no outside info.

Gomez Thu 14-Jul-05 00:24:41

Sorry SM - dd1 aged 5 just announced that she had wet the bed so unlike her.

What treatment does your DH have for his depression? Does he have a practioner he could call for help? Could you draw up a rota for house-stuff - so he will know what exactly needs done but you won't need to 'nag' about it?

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