Long story here, but things have been rough between H and I for a while. I thought it was normal post-kids stuff and that we'd work it out. We both had bad and good days but I thought we were still having good days.
Things got worse, on and off, in the last 6 months, but despite that, I got pregnant (I really thought things would get better, and that they were on the mend at the time). I feel like a right fool for thinking that.
H and I are both in therapy at the moment (although mine is online for the moment, I know I have to find a face to face one because its not going so well for me) and since then he has completely closed off. I have been trying to spend quality time together, arranging childcare, trying to snuggle up on the sofa and generally doing the things you do to try to fix a marriage. He reacted by sometimes cuddling back up and pretending everything was right (he has admitted that sometimes he felt like it and thought we'd work things out) and at others, completely blocking me out.
Its been driving me mad and I've pushed him and he finally admitted at the weekend that he just doesn't feel any love for me any more. I know that lots of my feelings for him have gone, but deep down I felt like there was still enough there to sort it out. I'm glad it has finally come out, but it is hard to deal with.
We've agreed on separate bedrooms, but him staying in the house - for lots of reasons. Neither of us want to upset DS at the moment (DH spent some time working away before Xmas and DS reacted really badly to this), and we know I will need help with the new baby come june. Aside from all this, we both feel that there is a chance that things will change. We're both certainly hoping for it. He's been ignoring issues with his family his whole life, and I think having his own kids has changed him and forced him to face up to things. He says he feels empty at the moment, but very guilty about what he has done and is doing but he can't help how he feels.
I know I've never been the easiest wife, and things have changed since we had DS, but I think I'm still basically the same person I have always been, so it is hard to see where everything went quite so wrong (maybe I'm kidding myself)
Everyone thinks we will make it but I don't know any more.
What I need though, is to get through the next year. The baby and the counselling are both going to change things and I figure we'll know one way or the other about things then, and I'll find it easier with the children.
We've made an agreement about what is going to happen in the meantime (which means no other people for a start) and my plan is to try to sort my life and my routine out so I feel more able to cope on my own if he finally goes. I'm just so used to us being a team - we've been together since I was 18 and our whole lives have developed with us relying on each other for what we're not so good at.
So can you help me get started? Today I have got up and dressed and put some makeup on (which I never do) and feel a bit better.
I still feel sick inside and am not eating well, which I think is what is making me feel weak and shivery. I need to make myself eat - for myself, and the baby, and to keep up with my toddler. So far today I have had a home made smoothie.
So any practical things (if you've managed to get through this essay)? Anything I can do to make myself feel that I can do this on my own in the long run? I need to bolster my confidence somehow!
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Relationships
Please help me through this - living apart in the same house as H
ChairmumMiaow · 22/02/2010 08:48
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