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How has your relationship with your mum and/or dad changed?

(2 Posts)
Lizita Tue 12-Jul-05 22:24:25

Following the development of another thread I decided to throw this one into the mix. I had read several times that we grow closer to our mums after having a kid, but in my case it feels ... well I'm a bit confused about how it feels! In one sense I am closer to my mum, I see her more often, we have more in common to talk about (i.e. dd & motherhood), but in another sense it has brought up so many issues from my childhood that there are all sorts of resentments and anxieties that have come to the surface for me, just from learning what sort of mum my mother was, and what I want to take from her and what I don't, etc. I was really surprised at how scared I was of following in her footsteps (which on all major baby rearing issues I have done) in case my dd turns out like I have!! At least, with the same issues...and I previously thought I had quite a happy childhood. I think it was through "feeling" what dd was feeling as a baby, separation anxiety etc, like it brought up buried memories or something. Funnily enough I've stopped thinking about it so much since dd was 18/19 months old, which is how old I was when my sister was born, dd has no siblings so we're already taking a different route to the one my mum took....

What's everyone else's experiences been ?

NomDePlume Tue 12-Jul-05 22:30:37

When I was a teenager I had the 'cool mum', she was never maternal with me (although i never doubted for one minute that she loved me with all her soul). This was brilliant when I was growing up, she gave me space and pretty much trusted my judgement and that I'd behave responsibly and make the 'right' decision when faced with teenage temptations (most of the time, I did).

When I had DD, I resented her for being distant and treating me more as a friend than a daughter with her grand-daughter. I changed, she didn't. DD is now almost 3, and my Mum is still adjusting. The number of times I've cried to DH over feeling like we're 'out of sight, out of mind' to my Mum (who lives 2 hours away), are too numerous to count. I've told her how I feel, but I always get the same answers, either a) I'm not distant etc etc or b) I didn't want to smother you both.

I know she loves us all dearly, she'd go to the ends of the earth for DD, but sometimes I wish we felt more like a daily part of her life, or at least a weekly phonecall.

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