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Another sex thread

(6 Posts)
DrivingDPmad Tue 12-Jul-05 07:25:33

Hi i have changed my name for this as several of my family now use mumsnet and this is personal. I saw a thread that was a bit like this one and decided it was time i got some advice from yuo lovley ladies!

DP had a very high sex drive, so he always wants sex. I seem to go through phases of wanting sex aswel but then can go for months without wanting it, i personally dont know why but i am not prepared to have sex if i dont want to just to please him.

I love DP to bits and i still find him attractive and i wouldnt do anything to hurt him. But after about 2-3 months of loads of sex i dont seem to want it anymore and this can last for a month or two, its not because im bored of our relationship or anything, but when i dont want to DP gets really moody, and keeps on and on at me which make me not want it more, then he gets depressed saying he must be crap in bed for me not to want him........ we also have the problem of he is always tired so he wants me to go to bed wth him early to have sex so he can sleep,i personaly dont go to bed untill late. If we do go to bed at the same time, he will try and hint he wants sex so i make it blatant i dont want to so he doesnt keep bugging me, i suggest we just have a cuddle instead so he rolls over and ignores me untill he falls asleep. i know in a month or so time i will want to again but this isnt good enough for DP.

HappyDaddy Tue 12-Jul-05 10:32:54

He should realise that sex is better when tied up with love. If he shows more loving, with cuddles and such. he'll be less likely to be so peeved if you don't fancy it.

Jesus, I went the whole pregnancy without any sex and i didn't huff once. Maybe I'm an exception but if my dw doesn't fancy it, I don't get the hump. I just enjoy it more when we do have sex.

The rest of the time I have arms like popeye!

lynnej Tue 12-Jul-05 13:09:39

I must admit I am like you in that I don't need sex more than once a week. My dp seems to be like me although I am sure he would like it more but he never pushes me!!!

I once had a partner who wanted it a lot and it put me off as I felt obliged, I didn't like the pressure - I hate pressure of any kind!!!

Me and dp have our rows and stuff but when it comes to sex we seem to be in tune with each other and thats what you need to be successful.

If you love the guy though I am sure you will come to some arrangement, have you been together a long time???

ninah Tue 12-Jul-05 13:11:22

tied up, hd? hmm

drivingDPmad Tue 12-Jul-05 13:27:39

We have been together nearly 4 years and we were mates though a good aprt of our childhood, i do love him very much and although this sounds cheesy i think of him as my best frind aswell and my partner, i went through my whole pregancy without having sex, i have never had a high sex drive and i dont see it as a problem, he had a huge one, but i refuse to have sex if i dont want to its completley against my morals, i think of sex as a thing between two people who want it and are in love, so although i love him im not going to do it just to please him. i dont think theres an answer to my problem as we have talked about it loads and loads and it just ends up in him huffing and going all childish and saying - i cant help wanting to have sex with you! which is true but i cant help not wanting it!

Listmaker Tue 12-Jul-05 13:42:51

I think I have quite a high sex drive and I can sympathise with your dp because I get huffy if I can't have it!!! It is very hard not to take it personally.

My Mum's You magazine had something last week about how a man's body is designed so it wants sex every 5 days but a woman's is every 10 days and if she has sex after 5 days it sets her back to 0 so if she never gets to wait 10 days she never gets to really wanting it. Not sure if that is true but could be interesting theory!

Sometimes I don't feel like doing it but once we get going I enjoy it. Could you not try it and see if that works? I read once about a couple that did it every week whether they felt like it or not and it kept them closer because they were physically intimate etc.

It is a really tricky one and it's been debated here many times I know - not that that helps you of course!!! Do you do it because you love him so want to make him happy or should he be prepared to not do it because you don't really want to? Think a compromise has to be the solution but what??!!

I also am trying in my new relationship to always (well as often as practical!) go to bed at the same time as my dp because my exp and I never went to bed at the same time and when he came up and I was fast asleep the last thing I wanted (having a small baby at the time) was someone waking me out of wonderful sleep to put another demand on my body! I thought I'd gone off sex altogether but since splitting up with him, discovering how to have an orgasm and new relationships I've found I'm more sexual than ever before. These things come and go and for women it's emotionally linked too.

Hope you find a way to sort this out DrivingDPmad.

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