My head's really messed up about sex, I can't enjoy it and feel guilty as I have a fantastic husband but can't bring myself to do the things I know he would love me to do for him. It feels dirty. I was brought up in a very inhibited non-touchy environment then later on joined a church that was very down on sex and stayed in it 12 years, we left the church a few years ago and I no longer believe in christianity but I still see sex as "impure" and "sinful" even within marriage and it feels wrong to enjoy it, it feels dirty to touch my husband and I find it difficult to relax. Can anyone recommend any good books that might help? I have already tried Relate and looking on Amazon but can't find anything.
Sorry Kiera but I don't really have any recommendations but didn't want you to think no one had replied. The only books I really know are more on techniques and things to do etc which won't really help with your inhibitions and image of sex.
Maybe you should get some counselling on it? I really would try and get it sorted as sex is wonderful and something you should be enjoying and feeling joy and pleasure from. It would be a shame to go your whole life without that and for your husband too. It's good you are trying to get help.
Hope someone else has more/better advice for you!!
I can understand it must be difficult to find something suited to your needs, especially searching on the internet as you will no doubt come across stuff which is really inappropriate.
It is common to have inhibitions about what you feel comfortable doing even in a happy relationship, most books tend to be too raunchy and not deal with your discomfort, but there may be some ideas which you could take from them..
I just googled christian sex guid and found this which may have something in the list, I can't vouch for any of it though and hope it doesn't throw up anything offensive. Book List
I had a book years ago called 'The Mirror Within' - can't remember the author. I too am not 100% about the content but I know it focuses on the woman and trying to understand how we work, what makes us tick and it gives ideas about what you can do to 'discover' yourself if you like.
It went round our 6th form but it was a grown up book - I'm going to see if I can find it now and check it's not inappropriate.
I don't know if this is the kind of thing you are looking for or whether you are looking to understand more about your feelings regarding sex in order to be able to move on rather than how to enjoy it more in a physical way?
Kiera I just went back and had a browse on that website that I linked to and although it is a site about marriage and the Christian perspective I think it has some useful stuff for you in that it clearly embraces the importance of a healthy and fulfilled sex life, which i think is what you are looking for...there are also forums on it...
Gobbledigook it's the first - I want help in changing how I feel about it emotionally rather than physical help. I even feel bad and dirty if I touch myself. I wd like to be free from this! Also I know my dh wd love oral sex but can't bring myself to do it. Even kissing him repulses me even though I love him and find him attractive. the whole sex thing is just dirty in my eyes! sigh
lemonice I feel a bit apprehensive about any christian literature as my dh and i were v hurt by the church we were in and now i want nothing to do with it - sorry! - can't even read anything from the perspective of there being a god...
I appreciate that but some of the links to books and articles on that site are just that links to books, the actual books are not Christian literature or even addressed to Christians (I'm not a Christian in any sense either..)so i thought if you searched through there might be something suitable for you..Good Luck though
kiera, just to say that I'm currently working through Becoming Orgasmic - a [something] and personal growth programme for women. I was recommended this book by a sex therapist and it's certainly not all focused on orgasm. One of the exercises I did from it was a long questionnaire about past emotional and sexual history which brought up a lot of things for me quite unexpectedly. It might well be worth a try.
The Mirror Within is by Anne Dickson. I haven't read it all and don't remember much about what I did read but she is excellent and I think it might be what you need, she also did an assertiveness book called A Woman In Your Own Right.