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What would you do?

(10 Posts)
tammybear Tue 05-Jul-05 13:35:19

My mate is in the process of breaking up with his dp. It’s a bit of a messy breakup. As hes like one of my best mates Ive been there for him, and hes stayed at my house one night. But now Im sort of being brought up into the arguments, she thinks hes spending too much time with me. We’re going into London together with dd on Friday as I wanna take her to London aquarium but need someone to go with me as I don’t think I can cope with the pram, dd and escalators and stairs! He emailed me a conversation between them (via Email) and I can totally understand her POV. She is a nice person and did help me when I broke up with xdp. Theyre as bad as one another. He wants to be with her but cant be with her iykwim. Hes still at their flat, he cant afford to move out at the moment and he doesn’t have family round here. I feel guilty that she might think I’m trying to get my claws into him sort of speak. I have her number, and I have thought of ringing her, but I think I’ll just make matters worst. Plus what can I do for my mate? Or should I just do nothing at all? I’ve spoken to him probably every day this week, and he just rings to have a moan about her. Is it really bad of me that its getting on my nerves slightly? I do feel bad for saying that cos he was there for me when I broke up with xdp and so I wanna do the same for him, but I don’t wanna have him think he has to turn to me all the time. His other best mates that he would talk to are on holiday.

gothicmama Tue 05-Jul-05 13:40:03

be there as his friend when his other mates are back then he willhave other sources of support. iam sure if she thinks about she will know he is just a mate but it amy be easier for her to use you in arguments particular if tehy are breaking up and still living together. Carry on as normal with your friendship but if you feel he is putting you under too much pressure then suggest he 'phones later on in the week cos youneed to concentrate on soemthing else iykwim

ninah Tue 05-Jul-05 13:42:06

I'd take a step back for the time being tbh

Janh Tue 05-Jul-05 13:44:34

Could you just head him off when he starts talking about her? Tell him she is your mate too and you don't want to be in the middle? That way you don't get the boring conversations and she doesn't get the aggravation of knowing he is talking to you about her.

tammybear Tue 05-Jul-05 13:48:20

i dont really know her, just through him really, and she just sent me an email saying she wants to talk to me, oh dear, im gonna be dragged into the middle of it arent i?

Janh Tue 05-Jul-05 13:50:57

Oh, sorry, was going by "She is a nice person and did help me when I broke up with xdp."

I think it might be good if you talked to her a bit - not to repeat anything he's said (even though that may be what she's after) but just to make sure she knows you don't want to be in the middle and that you aren't trying to get your claws in.

What happened with your NG btw? Is he still around?

ninah Tue 05-Jul-05 13:53:05

i agree, talk and reassure her
It occured to me from the other thread that even tho he's just a mate to you, he may be starting to see you as a bit more than a shoulder to cry on?

tammybear Tue 05-Jul-05 13:59:17

i saw NG sunday but nothing happening there. not really looking for anyone at the moment tbh.

ill admit i am a little worried that he is looking for a bit more. i mean we've always been pretty close and its never bothered me before but with all this happening now, its starting to worry me a little. well maybe not worry but it has crossed my mind. ive just emailed her and said that i can understand it from her pov, and that im sorry if me spending time with him is causing arguements as i dont wanna get in the middle of it as he is just a mate.

ninah Tue 05-Jul-05 14:02:52

sounds like you're handling it fine
I've had male friends who've turned a bit over friendly, it's usually been OK in the end (after a bit of cooling off on my part)

tammybear Tue 05-Jul-05 14:39:29

i do try to avoid it without making it a big thing. now i just have to sort these emails out and hope i dont end up getting too involved

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