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Why is my DH being such an ar*e

(26 Posts)
QueenOfQuotes Mon 04-Jul-05 20:46:05

Yes I know - you don't often (actually have you ever) see posts from me complaining about my DH but the last few days he's been such a complete and utter ar*e.

Saturday dinner time - DS2 messing around with his dinner, DH (I thought, and still think) being a little harsh on him about it. Tried to remind him that he is still only 19 months - and pratically got told that it wasn't any suprise I often complained that they'd been playing up if I don't discipline them (Well actually I do - but most of their playing up during the day is sibling fighting - I probably stick them both on the naughty step - not together LOL - more than he tells them off - he's usually a complete softie IMO).

Saturday night - I forgot to get DS1 up to do a wee at 10.30 (remembered at 11.50 and figured that I'd be too late so just left him). Went downstairs and told DH I'd forgotten and he started ranting on about "wasn't I using the Outlook reminders", "Why didn't I have outlook open", "I'll have to get used to having Outlook open all the time when I'm running the business as emails can come in at any time of the day" (tried to tell him I have it open all day, just close it at night and only check occasionaly but that wasn't good enough).

Then it was "well didn't you use the alarm on your mobile (I'm a bit scatty so need to use both outlook to remind me). "No - I'd left it in my coat pocket and didn't hear it" () - well that wasn't any good either.

Sunday afternoon - he was putting up shelves in my airing cupboard, I decided to do some tidying up outside - lots of bits and pieces (old scaffolding planks, bricks, slabs of stone, branchesm wood pile etc etc) still lying around various parts of our (little) garden.

Swept the path/patio bit, put the rest of the log pile in the brown bin, and moved the scaffolding planks to the back of the garden (where he put all the chopped up pear tree before Christmas - but which has since gone in the last few weeks because I broke it up small enough to go in the brown bin).

After he'd finished what he was doing I showed him what I'd been up to. Cue another 'that's no good' type blurb from him. It "looked messy" with them over in that bit of the garden "why did I have to move them to 'remember' to sort them out", "how long were they going to be there" etc etc. No-one had asked me to tidy up so why did I do it (well ermm sometimes I actually get off my fat ar*e and do things without being asked)

I went in to cook dinner, and rather angrily told him I'd put the planks back after dinner, and I was going to chop them up either Monday (today) or Tuesday. He started spouting about "it was funny I'd only mentioned that now" (well he never gave me a sodding chance befoe!). Cue me get even more angry, through the spaghetti on the work top, grabbed jacket and told him he could finish dinner himself. Went to the door open it, shouted "p*ss of you w*nker" () and slammed it behind me............that bit was embarassing as our street is usually quiet with no-one about at that time of the evening, but of course sods law the two neighbours opposite us were all out in the front chatting

went for a quick walk to the park round the corner, sat down and calmed down for 20 minute then went home - and came straight up here to the office - never said a word to him all night, and he made no attempt to 'patch things up'

This morning he left for work before I woke up (as per normal). About 10am got a phone call from him - first thing he does is say "Sorry if I upset you"

YIPEE thought I - he's apologised we can forget it all now. Told him it was ok and he then asked me "well aren't you going to apologise" - so I (grudgingly) told him I was sorry for shouting in front of the boys and leaving him to cook their dinner etc etc. He then turned round and said

"well at least now you're getting yourself a reputation on the street" (cue silence from me - it's the only time I've stomped out for a cool down walk since we moved in end of August last year! he then got round to the real reason for his phonecall - he wanted me to borrow the next door neighbours gas meter box key and check the figures and call him back with them - as we got a ludicrously high Gas Bill in the post this morning (turns out they overestimated by quite a lot).

Afternoon comes round and I decide to call him and apologise properly - once again he was really short with me - and although nothing nasty was said by either of us - it wasn't exactly a 'nice' phonecall.

He popped home just after lunch as he had a meeting in town, not much was said - apart from him telling me I'd used the wrong saw to cut up some of the scaffolding boards (apparently the one I used is designed for use on timber) and "why were his hammers out in the garden" "was I going to use them again today" - well yes I was going to use them again - but I have to go pick DS1 up now - so shall leave them in the garden until I get home (it's a secure garden - we use the - unlocked - greenhouse to store lots of stuff in!).

That wasn't good enough - I had to bring them in (by this time I was already leaving the house late - and had already got the pushchair outside the front door - so had to bring the pushchair back in, walk through the house, unlock the back door, pick up the hammers, lock the back door, walk back through the house and get the pushchair out of the house - again).

He got home from work slightly early today, made NO effort to speak to me. We ate dinner in virtual silence and I came up here for a while.

Went back downstairs and decided to try and make up again - which he 'seemingly' accepted.

But no - 1/2hr later DS2 was wanting a hug - and being close to bedtime was whinging for it - again I feel he went way OTT and told him (DS2) off. - and had a go at me for saying "he only wants a hug".

I then got 'blanked' again - so left the room saying "well what would I know - they play up for me during the day as I don't discipline them properly"............

That was 1hr ago - and although he's been up here twice - the only thing he's said is "sign there" (for the Tax Credit form).

WHY is he being such an ar*e???? I can't seem to do or say anything right for him at the moment and it's doing my head in!!!

(if you've got to the end of this and haven't fallen asleep LOL) no need to comment just needed a rant

Fran1 Mon 04-Jul-05 20:58:10

pmsl you are me!

Last weekend, dp was having an agreed lie in as he'd been very ill lately and was up late the night before (with dd ).

SO me and dd set to rebuilding the wall that he said last summer he was going to build and never got round to it. Dp got up just as we were making as start, slammed the back door on us cos it was cold in the house. Then looked out the window and shouted at me for using his wood chisel on the bricks and then ranted for most of the morning about how i should ask any man how they would feel if they discovered someone using a wood chisel on brickwork. I pointed out that he has never used this chisel on wood despite owning it for many years, and i'd buy him a new one as i'd "ruined" it. Then he went on to say why was i building the wall anyway because he had wanted to build that wall and its so annoying when other people come along and take over.

Needless to say dd was bored by this time so tools got packed away and wall still not built.

And there was me thinking he'd be so proud of his modern day dg building a brick wall.

Sigh! no advice but thought you'd like to know you're not the only one!

blondehelen Mon 04-Jul-05 20:58:43

Oh QoQ. I don't post often, but really felt for you reading your rant. It sounds almost identical to the row my dh and I had last Sunday. My dh was being a complete ar*e continually moaning at me peaking last Sunday when he stormed out for 5 hours! All I said to him when he came back was 'we can't go on like this but I don't know whats going on in your head' Dh not the best with emotions but since I told him how I feel, he is a changed man and long may in continue. Tell him how you feel, but if don't want to just yet, carry on ranting on here!!

fireflyfairy2 Mon 04-Jul-05 21:17:26

hes a man get used to it theyre all wankers#

fireflyfairy2 Mon 04-Jul-05 21:18:21

ok delete that one.... i was angry lol

QueenOfQuotes Mon 04-Jul-05 22:06:33

lol - I'll let you off

He's not usually like this - just been this weekend - if he got ar*ey more often I could cope - but it's so damned rare it does my head in and gets me really stressed out [annoyed]

QueenOfQuotes Mon 04-Jul-05 22:30:32

oh it gets better

I just got DS1 up to do a wee (we're still trying to train him at night). He walked up to the toilet and I told him to pull his trousers and pants down so he could do a wee.........he promptly pointed his "pee-pee" (as we call it) down and did it through his trousers before I had a chance to stop him LOL - at least I'd lifted the seat so a few trickles went into the toilet.

Help a very confused and bewlidered DS1 to change his trousers and took the others downstairs - told DH what had happened, laughing and smiling about it he just about managed to "grunt" a reply at me and just said "oh well at least the bed's still dry"...........and then went straight back to the looking to see what was on telly GRRRRRRRRR

lockets Mon 04-Jul-05 22:35:34

Message withdrawn

Tortington Mon 04-Jul-05 23:12:52

or KOQ
as he will now be known

moondog Mon 04-Jul-05 23:15:07

Oh excellent custardo!!

expatinscotland Mon 04-Jul-05 23:15:12

Maybe he's having his period .

fatmomma Mon 04-Jul-05 23:23:02

Poor you QoQ, I know what you mean about it being worse if it doesn't happen often. My dh is so rarely moody I go in to a complete panic if he is and convince myself he leaving or dying or something equally awful .

Is he under a lot of stress at the moment or do you think it's just his hormones ?

QueenOfQuotes Mon 04-Jul-05 23:23:12

I like that custardo

fireflyfairy2 Mon 04-Jul-05 23:27:10



Thanx 4 letting me off

I was angry because mine was standing behind me yelling "lemme on the pc...lemme on it...hurry up...you've been on it for agggges" like a 4 year old!!! lol

I know it's annoying when they are usually different... but i suppose like we get PMT they must get something?? lmao

sallystrawberry Mon 04-Jul-05 23:32:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenOfQuotes Mon 04-Jul-05 23:50:17

things have been stressful round here since last november LOL but we've hardly argued at all in that time - and certainly not for this long - nothing has changed (AFAIK) over the last few days - we're still skint,

and the prat has just poked his head round the door and said (nice as ninepence - with a little wave)

"night night" grrrr - as if nothing was wrong

QueenOfQuotes Wed 06-Jul-05 10:38:39

ARGHHH (Sorry misdee if you read this I know you've got much more important things to worry about and I do feel guiltly about venting on such a stressful day for you)

DH and I 'seemed' to have made up yesterday - but nope today it all 'blew up' again ended up with me sat on the sofa crying for 1hr (45 minutes of that was while we 'debated' - can't even remember what all of it was about).

Admittedly I did go a bit OTT when washing DS1 this morning - shouted at him - which wasn't on really (now in the 4th week of failing night time training and he's forgetting the 'basics' of telling us if he has an accident never mind not wee-ing in the bed - we've had 4 dry nights in a many weeks - all of those in the 2nd week).

Anyhow, DH was a complete git about it and even suggested (I know he wasn't going to but the suggestion was bad enough) that he should call Social Services as I couldn't be left alone with the boys in the house if I was going to 'abuse' them like that

Got accused of being selfish and of not supporting him with his work - and all because I told him I wanted emotional support while trying to get dry nights with DS1 rather than the pratical support.

Went on and on and on (felt like we'd be there for hours 'debating' haha) - then he left to go to a business meeting leaving me sat in tears on the sofa and DS2 screaming "NO NO NO" at the front door as he left - guess DS2 would certainly rather daddy was looking after him than mummy

Mamatoto Wed 06-Jul-05 11:30:29

I swear mine has come out in sympathetic pregnancy - I am nine weeks and i am sure not that nice to live with but i am trying. Yesterday he just refused to help me with childcare - he sits there ignoring it when i discipline kids and just lets them know exactly whose side he is on. Later when I said why dont you back me up he said ds (13 years old) ' did not actually TEACH ds (2) how to drown hislef by putting his whole head under the water in the bath and blowing bubbles when they were in together' WHAT????? I am on to a loser. Maybe we all are and should just resign ourselves to it!

Lizzylou Wed 06-Jul-05 11:39:57

It's such a stressful time for you both at the mo, with your new biz and toilet training DS1...sometijmes we take it all out on those we hold dearest........
I definitely do!

Hope things get better soon......

Listmaker Wed 06-Jul-05 11:45:06

Sorry but just wanted to ask how old ds1 is and why you are trying so hard to train him at night? Why no wait til he's ready. It's surely not something he can control while he's asleep?? Put him back in nappies at night until you have 2 weeks of dry ones and stop the stress!

As for your dh - who knows what's bugging him! I live alone - much better idea!!!

QueenOfQuotes Wed 06-Jul-05 14:33:34

Listmaker - DS1 is 4 3/4yrs

Trying hard to train him at night for several reasons

1. HE does't want to wear nappies at night - we tried last September (when he first objected to wearing them) and failed even more miserably than this time. A few weeks back he started to complain again that he didn't want to wear them anymore and wanted to be "a big boy" (his words)

2. He doens't really fit the nappies anymore - before we startd training him he was 'leaking' - so had the same effects as now - wet pj's, wet sheets.

3. "selfish" reasons - nappies at night equates to a whole pack of nappies a month - and with no income at the moment just can't afford that 'extra' pack of nappies.

4. As much as he's a wonderful little boy he's also expcetionally lazy when he wants to be - he wouldn't have toilet trained if we hadn't 'forced' the issue with him when he was 3 - even now if he has an accident he doesn't care and would quite happily spend the day in wet clothes! So the chances of him deciding off his own back to be dry at night (despite that fact he doesn't want to wear nappies anymore) were pretty slim.

Anyhow - this isn't really about the training - this was another 'nail in the coffin' of our arguing. Which, BTW, 'seems' to be over now - friend just took me out for chocolate cake, coffee and a good rant about our respective DH's - came out feeling much happier - and DH has just popped home and we've been talking nicely

SaintGeorge Wed 06-Jul-05 14:40:40

Have you tried him in pull-ups for night time?

Listmaker Wed 06-Jul-05 14:41:06

Glad things are better QoQ - oh the power of chocolate cake and a good moan!!

Good luck with the night time training! My friend's son is nearly 8 and still not dry at night - has to wear those special night time pant type things. It's quite common apparently and they won't do anything til they are 6 or 7.

QueenOfQuotes Wed 06-Jul-05 16:47:16

St.G - the Tesco's pullup's don't fit him (they only go up to Junior - not Extra Large grrr) and the others just leak - we did try those 'pyjama pants' for a while - but they wouldn't hold it all either.

Listmaker - yep Chocolate cake and a good moan with a friend does the world of good

I know it's common for them still to be wet at night until they're 6 or 7 - but DS1 and DH are determind it's going to be "now" - ho hum - life goes on

Ellbell Thu 07-Jul-05 10:57:21

QoQ... Glad things with your dh are better now. Have to say mine goes through phases when he can't open his mouth without saying something that p-s me off... And then we'll be OK again for months. Men, eh?

Just wanted to add my bit about the night-time training (which I know wasn't the main point of the thread, but anyway...). My dd1 sounds just like your ds. She was fine during the day, but happy to go on wearing nappies at night indefinitely. She's a very deep sleeper, and no way was she going to wake up for something as boring and insignificant as a wee! If we'd waited for a week of dry nappies, I swear she'd still be in nappies at 21! In the end, we forced the issue and just took the nappies off her (at least your ds wants to get rid of the nappies... she really didn't care, the lazy moo!). We put those Pampers Bed Mats on the bed for a while, but she really didn't have many accidents. We get her up and put her on the loo before we go to bed (between 11 and midnight) and she has been fine with that. (She doesn't wake up really when we put her on the loo, so no chance of her waking up by herself and realising that she needs a wee, so I can see we'll be dragging her out of bed for years to come.) Dd2 was completely different and refused to wear nappies at night as soon as she was dry during the day. She (dd2) will also wake up in the night if she needs a wee, unlike dd1. They are so different!

Good luck with it anyway.

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