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OH rubbish with money(15 Posts)
Looking for practical advice, please. OH is rubbish with money and basically spends whatever he brings in each month (having given me half of his pay towards housekeeping). I earn about twice what he does but most of that goes towards childcare and the bills/rent, etc
The latest problem is that he desperately wants to go to visit his grandmother in France but has no money to do so. I have savings but am reluctant to fund the trip (altho he does say he will get his own spending money together) as he has made no effort to save for the trip throughout the year. In fact he had a holiday in April with his friends that must have cost almost £700 with beer money (I had a girly holiday as well so not moaning about him going away).
I have suggested that I will pay for the flight if he can cover the rest but I know realistically he won't be able to save that amount in a couple of months so wan't be able to go. Part of me thinks well if he hadn't p*ssed away all that money with his mates he'd be able to fund this trip so its up to him to tell his family he can't make it this year because that's what he did.
Am I being to mean/tight with this? We always seem to fight over money and I sometimes feel he treats me like an open-ended bank account not realising the savings wont last forever.
PS the grandmother isn't ill or anything, he justs wants to see her and her family as she's getting on a bit
No, don't pay for him, he is treating you like a parent, expecting you to continually bail him out. If he had 700 quid to spend on a lads holiday he should have saved it.
Bail him out now, and you will be doing it forever. It took a lot of bullting to make my dp finally stand on his own 2 feet!
you are not an atm machine. You have to teach him tyhis or he will continue to treat you like one.
Thanks Colditz. I know you're right but part of me thinks is it really worth yet another fight - but then there's the rub! Why should there be another fight?? surely he should accept responsibility for spending all his money which results in him now not being able to afford to go.... Hmm, just thinking out loud but maybe it's time to get tough and if he doesn't like it then, well, tough!
Wish me luck.
I think I could have written that post HG. My dp is like that too and I have no idea what to do about it. He is a SAHD atm and we are broke so he has to put up with it but he darent moan cos I remind him of all the money he frittered away while I was pregnant. Not sure how to sort it but def wouldnt give him the money to go away. Dp promised to pay for a weekend away for us two years ago but didnt bother to save any money for it and I ended up lending him the money and needless to say Ive not had it back. god I sound like a right TAG dotn I but Im not really these are just two examples over a long time
Definitely stand your ground HG - otherwise he will NEVER have an incentive to improve his attitude to money because he will know that he can always persuade you to bail him out. Why should YOU lose out because you are careful with your money?
My dh like that too, difficult isn't it? For a while I worked and he didnt, and the amount of times I had to repeat 'you can only spend it once'- sometimes I wandered around chanting it!
I'd probably happily get him over there to visit his grandmother, having lost mine relatively suddenly after missing out on a possible last visit I'd hate anyone else to have that. I'd limit it though to one night, so it was family rather than jolly, or alternatively take the kids and myself with him and find a campsite.
Thanks for all the replies. Peachyclair you have highlighted the one doubt I had about witholding funds - what if something happened to his grandmother. I know it would be his own doing that meant he couldn't go but there would always be that part of me that would feel devastated (that's a catholic upbringing for you!)
Think I may just compromise on this one last occassion but point out about the cost of his lads holiday and how next time I won't bail him out.
Why didn't I just pick a rich one, eh??!
What if you made the money a loan and demand that he repay you some each month (say, an extra £35/month on top of his half for housekeeping, for next 20 months). Then you can live with your conscience and he still has to pay for his trip.
QZ, because he already owes me a lump of money that he pays off at £70 per month! (now thinking I'm WAY too soft on him....) I really don't want to increase the debt again otherwise it will be a year before he's paid me off and I so want I to be on level pegging with finances (I hate him being in debt to me).
He also has a loan with the bank that takes another chunk of his wages so that options out as well - really hoping he'll learn but think I might be kidding myself....
Have you thought about going to see a financial advior together? Sounds like he needs to do some learning!
I would give him the cash as an early Christmas present (and stick to that!), then tell him it is on the condition that he writes everything he spends down into a budget book. He can keep it and you won't question it, but when my dh started to do that he started to see how quickly it fritters away, so now he does whenever things are tight!
PeachyClair, that's a great idea but he's so against other people knowing his business (as he puts it) that he just wouldn't go for it (I've previously suggested counselling for other problems that we have and he told me he can sort out his own problems, not convinced on that one myself...)
Anyhow, I now have a screaming daughter on my hands as she's tired so will have to think again tomorrow. Bloody men! Thanks again for all the replies.
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