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Is loving someone enough to be with them?

(19 Posts)
juicychops Tue 28-Jun-05 19:38:34

I love dp and i know he loves me but i hate my life. We have such great times together some times but the bad times are just awful! He is the most selfish man i have ever met and i don't think i could ever be as selfish if i tried. He doesn't bother with ds which is my main concern as ds should come before anything else. but everything seems to come before me and ds. he doesn't drink that often but when he goes out he cant drink without getting absolutely wrecked. He is very childish and winds me up like mad.
but i cant imagine my life without him. am i just being stupid, or do you think loving someone is enough to stay with them?

kama Tue 28-Jun-05 19:44:54

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Dior Tue 28-Jun-05 19:50:45

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Tinker Tue 28-Jun-05 19:51:03

What do you love about him?

juicychops Tue 28-Jun-05 19:51:11

Forgot to mention, he also cheated on me about 6 months ago and i just cant put it past me so i still hate him for that no matter how hard i try to forget it

Tinker Tue 28-Jun-05 19:51:22

snap dior

juicychops Tue 28-Jun-05 19:52:08

I think ive forgoten what i love about him. i just know that i love him?

Dior Tue 28-Jun-05 19:53:48

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kama Tue 28-Jun-05 19:55:34

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juicychops Tue 28-Jun-05 19:58:54

i love him but i dont think im in love with him. I think i love him because i love the person he used to be. He has changed so much over the last year with various problems we have had. and im just hoping he will change back into the person i want him to

Chandra Tue 28-Jun-05 20:06:38

... I would say no, I have sent a person I loved to bits packing because I could foresee that my life would be a misery with him. Have met him after a long time and couldn't help but think that I have done the right thing.

On the other hand, I don't like the life I have at the moment and I'm only having it because DH doesn't want to move back to any of our countries, I supose I love him a lot otherwise I would have left long ago...

Didn't help, did I?

Tortington Tue 28-Jun-05 21:01:58

he sounds like an arse - i wouldnt stop with him for nostalgias sake unless he had copius amounts of money i simply couldn't live without

HappyDaddy Wed 29-Jun-05 08:17:51

It sounds like your hoping for something that will never happen.

Bugsy2 Wed 29-Jun-05 10:43:31

JC, loving someone blindly regardless of how they treat you isn't really love in my opinion it is infatuation. I think that love is something that requires work, time and patience and it has to be reciprocated to some degree.
Not being able to imagine your life without your dh, doesn't mean that you can't have one without him but on the other hand, having just been through a divorce, a marriage is not to be thrown away lightly.
Could you get some counselling for yourself to try and work out what you do want and ways you might be able to achieve it?
Big hugs anyway - tough time for you.

Listmaker Wed 29-Jun-05 10:51:26

It always amazes me that women say they love their husband/partner when he is a complete arse! WHY??!! You have to love someone for a reason. You can be 'in love' or lust after someone for no particular reason (been there done that) but to love someone they have to bring something to your life surely?! You have to like them, respect them, enjoy their company and all that has to be returned. I just don't get how you can love someone who's treated you like that and you don't even know why you love him!!!

My ex changed hugely too and became someone I didn't know and also cheated on me. I used to tell him I loved him every day and then one day realised I didn't really. There was nothing about him that I loved or even liked and I certainly despised him rather than respecting him. I didn't want to give up the idea of the perfect family, face the future as a single mum, was worried about how I'd manage financially etc. But my Mum asked me when the affair came out 'do you love him' and I had to think and said 'do you know what no I don't'. Made all the decisions after that a bit easier although it was still a hard road.

So what makes you so sure you love him and in what way is he showing he loves you?? Love is about actions and not words. It's a cliche but damned true all the same.

MINNIE1 Wed 29-Jun-05 11:06:43

You need to find the happiness in your life, I found that when i left DP for 6 month.. I found i had a life passed him. Now were very happy and we are closer and he change in a big way!! Now in saying that you cant change a man unless they want to change they do that them selves.
Your DP had an afair, could this be causing you not being happy with life? I know if my DP did i really would leave but like that were all different, You also have a child to consider.
Could you sit and talk to him?

Tortington Thu 30-Jun-05 10:15:36

how are you today juicychops...more importantly how is your dp treating you? does life seem any better?

Tortington Sun 03-Jul-05 00:29:13

hows stuff juicychops?

expatinscotland Sun 03-Jul-05 00:29:56

No. I loved my ex husband to bits. He didn't want to get help for his depression (he did after we split) or have kids. I had to love me more and move on b/c I was killing myself with drink.

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