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Seriously dont know how much longer this can go on for

(18 Posts)
charleepeters Tue 28-Jun-05 18:44:42

God i am so stressed i have had another argument with dp, were always arguing about money and i dont know how much longer i can keep doing it its driving me insane and its ot good for ds either!

We dont have alot of money dp works and we get some benifits but not alot, we also have a £300 overdraft which we had no chioce but to get becasue our dog locked us out and we had to pay a lock smith to get us in our house and then fit new locks, anyway now we got one and used it we have no choice but to continue using it so were basicly living off our overdraft.

i said i would like to get out of it as i dont really like living off the banks money which dp wants to do to.
FIL did offer dp a new job but has since just made up excuse after excuse why we cant go down and sort it out so that looks like its down the drain.

anyway everytime dp wants something and i say we cant afford it he has a tantrum like a child and stresses, this happened today as he wanted to go somewhere but weve only got enough petrol for him to get to work so isaid that we couldnt afford it so now hes saying that he may aswell just use the whole overdraft when ever he likes and get us into debt with credit cards ect as he's fed up of living like this - its really getting to me hes being pathetic.

It always happens at the end of every month when we run out of money and he cant have someting he wants. i dont know how lobg i can continue

dropinthe Tue 28-Jun-05 18:48:47

Can you not get a part time job?

misdee Tue 28-Jun-05 18:51:35

tell him to stop being a baby and live in his means. otherwise he'll up like dh and wind up bankrupt.

there is no point living on the never never, you'll end up mroe in debt. its better to learn to live in your means, clear that over draft (open new bank account if possible and pay amounts into overdraft to clear it, took me a year to clear £700 overdraft and i'm glad its gone). we are trying hard to clear my old debts, as i refused to go bankrupt. hopefully in 3 years i'll be debt free.

creditcards can work if you pay off the amount in full each month, but i steer clear. its too easy to live outside of your means and let it spiral out of control than it is to get a grip on things.

you need your dp to support you in this. if he wants to go out/get something extra, then in relaity it should be budgeted for.

sorry if isound preachy, but me and dh had serious money problems upto 2 years ago. it put a lot of strain on our marriage.

throckenholt Tue 28-Jun-05 18:51:59

cab money advisor - if you go together then maybe you can work out ways of reducing spending, and at least getting rid of your overdraft. They can help you work out monthly budgets etc.

It is great that you have so little debt (unlike a lot of others), it would be a shame to run up debts now.

Maybe you can cost in a few luxuries now and again.

charleepeters Tue 28-Jun-05 18:58:07

I would get a part time job but cant for a number of reasons - i cant drive and we live in the middle of nowhere so transport would be an issue. dp couldnt cope looking after ds, i could only work 16 hours a week any way or i would loose my benifits and sadly we cant live without them.

i dont mind not having any luxuarys one month to clear the overdraft but he refuses to work just to pay the bills - i have told him to grow up and stop being pathetic but he just strops and wont talk to me, somethimes i just feel as if i would be able to cope better if i just moved out but i love him and i dont want to hes a great dad to ds and most the time hes a lovley bloke - just stubborn as a mule and such a baby at times.

misdee Tue 28-Jun-05 18:58:51

how old is he?

tbh dont most people work just to pay bills?

starlover Tue 28-Jun-05 18:59:35

oh cp what happened to mitcham? did you see the responses to your housing association thread?

charleepeters Tue 28-Jun-05 19:00:45

hes only 19 - were only young and as i have grown up in a family with debt up to there eyeballs i will do anything not to get in debt.

i said that most people work to pay bills as we get a home over our heads and food for it but it seems he wants the finaces of a single man but the life of a family man.

charleepeters Tue 28-Jun-05 19:01:44

Starlover - the job dp was offered was by his dad, now his d is finding every excuse under the sun why we cant go up and arrange it so it looks like its not happening.

MrsGordonRamsay Tue 28-Jun-05 19:03:22

Just a thought, why don't you get the OD reduced to maybe £100, which would be just enough to factor in the odd treat.

Believe me a £300 OD is nothing, but I accept that you have to go with what makes you feel secure.

We used to have a 10,000 overdraft and used it up to the max several times a year.

Year in year out.

misdee Tue 28-Jun-05 19:03:34

tell him to take that job then.

me and dh were 18 when we got our mortgae. by the time we were 21 we had debts of over 20k, most of it redit cards and loans and the damn overdraft. we sold the house and cleared the debt. but then dh buolt up his credit cards and overdraft again, and when he couldnt work due to his heart problems, he had no chioce but to go bankrupt.

compo Tue 28-Jun-05 19:04:11

tbh being £300 in debt isn't really that much. It won't take much to pay off if you just leave a bit aside each month to do it.

charleepeters Tue 28-Jun-05 19:05:56

midsee - the job doesnt seem possible now as FIL hasnt got in touch and when we ring him he makes excuses as to why we cant come to him to sort it out.

misdee Tue 28-Jun-05 19:06:33

argyh at FIL. can dp look into another job? what is skilled area?

charleepeters Tue 28-Jun-05 19:09:30

dp's current job is a car valet - he has no qualifications as he dropped out of collage to get a job as i fell pg.
He is however a braniac when it comes to computers which was the job FIL wanted him to do but as hes got no qualifications dont think anyother company would want him. he gets apyed well for what he does now. if he got payed more our benifits would go down so we'd still be no better off - thats why this job would have bee perfect as it would have payed enough so we didnt have benifits or overdrafts or anything!

misdee Tue 28-Jun-05 19:12:02

can he do an OU course? increase his qualifications, or even go to evening college? then he can start spending when he has a better paid job.

nutcracker Tue 28-Jun-05 19:23:30

Your dp sounds alot like mine Charlee, except that mine is 47 and acting like a baby.

What about childminding ???? Could you perhaps do that ??

Try and pay of the OD and then ask for it to be taken away. I wish we hadn't got ours as we live in them.

charleepeters Tue 28-Jun-05 19:40:42

Thats what i plan to do Nutty pay it off then get rid of it. Its not even the money im worried about its his whole attitude to life - its stupid and babyish the way he acts - his attitude when hes having a tantrum is - screw the world im gonna do what i want whatever the cociquences. its sooooooooooooo annoying! He also has this thing that if we do have some spare money i suggest spending it on the family he suggests buying himself something i personally think its selfish he thinks im being a bitch for not letting him have something - in alot of ways hes grown up but some times hes such a child i feel like i a mom to 2 rather than 1

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