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First marriage failed, will I be fatally attracted to a similar man next time?

(12 Posts)
Nightynight Tue 28-Jun-05 07:08:21

thats it really!

Am interested to hear other peoples thoughts, especially from anyone else in the same situation. Did anyone break the cycle of being attracted to the "wrong" sort of person? or does anyone feel that they married the same type of person and got the same problems in their 2nd marriage as in their first?

ggglimpopo Tue 28-Jun-05 07:11:47

Message withdrawn

wobblyknicks Tue 28-Jun-05 07:13:45

Well I made a HUGE mistake in my first (and only so far) marriage and have found since that I've been attracted to men that are noticeably different from my ex. Hoping that I learnt my lesson and am steering well clear of his sort now. Doesn't mean I can't pick a bad bloke with different faults but don't expect to end up doing the same mistakes again.

wobblyknicks Tue 28-Jun-05 07:15:56

ggglimpopo - wow, thats a fantastic way to look at it! Very true, I've changed a lot since leaving my ex and what you say clicks - thats why I know totally different people now and 'move' in totally different circles. Thought it was me making better choices, never gave much thought to people seeing me differently.

Nightynight Tue 28-Jun-05 07:20:52

wobblyknicks thats v encouraging!

gggl, interesting!
I have many attractive qualities, but my whole family is emotionally cold, and although I now recognise it, it is terribly hard to break out of. It was probably that which broke us in the end. that and how I mishandled my parents troublemaking in our marriage (didnt tell them to f**k off when I should have).
I wont make the 2nd mistake again, but the first could still be a problem. So, yes, the same type of man might be attracted to me! Will try to ensure that he knows me better before marriage this time!

Listmaker Tue 28-Jun-05 15:20:11

Nightnight I also worried about the same thing. My exes were all different but my relationship with them, the way I went about it was the same and I ended up giving all I could and then thinking f*ck this I'm off! I thought long and hard about why I kept picking crappy men or they kept picking me. I really wanted to change the pattern and had really decided that as I couldn't seem to meet any nice ones I'd stay alone.

But then I met this most wonderful man (on the friends reunited dating site!!). It took me a few weeks to get my head round fancying him but now I am absolutely nuts about him. I am trying to be more assertive and take and not give all the time and he is totally different to all my other men.

It was on here that I read that you should think about the sort of relationship you want and go out to find that rather than thinking about the sort of man you want. My new dp is nothing like anyone I would have imagined me being with but he's fab and I adore him and am so happy with myself in this relationship. That's the difference I think.

Good luck!!

Chandra Tue 28-Jun-05 15:32:57

I wouldn't say so, I became better at reading "warning flags" once I have been in a bad relationship.

HappyDaddy Tue 28-Jun-05 16:57:22

I'd agree with ggglimpopo to an extent. My 1st wife was a control freak and a wannabee bully. My 2nd has brought my confidence out and i'm a totally different person.

Both wives are totally different to each other, too.

missycantstop Tue 28-Jun-05 17:12:13

my first husband is a lying cheating obsessed violent piece of s..t. my hopefully husband to be is totally different and is fantastic with the kids. the only thing they have in common is the family (they are brothers)

kalex Tue 28-Jun-05 18:31:04

OMIGOD, your BiL. and the family, how have they reacted to this.

Surfermum Tue 28-Jun-05 19:18:15

Interesting, you got me thinking with this question. Well first husband was a prat (polite), which I didn't really see until we were married, it didn't last long after that. Next dp was the total opposite to h1 and we were together 12 years, lovely man, but something wasn't quite right. After we split up met dh who I've realised is somewhere between the two, so I guess is the right one for me. Got there in the end much to my mum's relief.

missycantstop Tue 28-Jun-05 19:40:55

my family have been gr8 his family not so gr8 but they are coming round. at the end of the day the deed is done weather they like it or not they havent got a choice but to deal with it.

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