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am i being unreasonable (advice please)

(21 Posts)
starshaker Fri 24-Jun-05 17:58:34

basically a hile ago me and dp had some problems during this time he said i would get my engagement ring soon as we have been engaged for a year.

that was about 7 weeks ago and still nothing he says we dont have the money but he has money to buy cds and football tops and stuff. he said ages ago thet we couldnt aford it cos alana came along but we didnt need to buy anything we were given it bu my aunt. then the car needed sorted but we havent had the bill yet and wont get it for a while as its his mate that did it. he always comes up with excuses not to get married and he wants to wait 3-4 years and go away to do it but i dont i want my family and friends there. its like he really doesnt want to get married

stitch Fri 24-Jun-05 18:01:57

i dont think he does

starshaker Fri 24-Jun-05 18:03:09

neither do i and it feels like the only reason hes with me is cos of alana even though he says its not

lou33 Fri 24-Jun-05 18:04:47

he doesn't sound like he wants to get married, have you asked him if that si the case?

starshaker Fri 24-Jun-05 18:05:36

he says he does but i dont believe him whenever we talk about it we end up arguing

stitch Fri 24-Jun-05 18:06:06

sorry to be so negative, but yes that does sound right.
if you are happy to be with him despite this, then dont keep asking him about it. you may end up driving him away. and if he is a good dad and partner in other ways, then it would be better to be with him even without the marriage certificate, iyswim.

stitch Fri 24-Jun-05 18:06:49

he probly says it coz he knows it is what you want to hear. which in its own twisted way is actually quite sweet.

lou33 Fri 24-Jun-05 18:06:55

ask him to prove his commitment to you?

i know you shouldnt have to, but it might be worth a go?

starshaker Fri 24-Jun-05 18:06:55

he also says he likes things the way they are but i want to get married just feels like he has no faith in us staying together

stitch Fri 24-Jun-05 18:08:05

but if he doesnt want o be married, and you force the issue, then you are likely to push him out to someone else. are you willing to live with those consequences?

starshaker Fri 24-Jun-05 18:09:33

if he doesnt think we can stay together then hes gonna do that anyway

lou33 Fri 24-Jun-05 18:10:09

i think you need to find out one way or the other, but agree you have to be prepared for both a positive and negative outcome, and work out what you will do with his response

starlover Fri 24-Jun-05 18:10:32

not wanting to get married doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be with you

starshaker Fri 24-Jun-05 18:13:24

yeah but he says we dont know where we will be in a year

stitch Fri 24-Jun-05 18:13:27

not necessarily. i dont know what he is like, but sometimes a man might just stay because it is easier to stay with the nice, content calm life he has. some just dont want the upheaval.

but i do think that the engagement ring should be the least of your worries. does he pay the mortgage/rent? does he provide financially for you and the baby? those are more important atm. i am very pro marriage, but in your case it seems to me that if you insist on it, either he will leave, or resent you so much for making him do something that he doesnt want, that you will end up having a messy divorce.
just my thoughts. i dont know you or him, so entirely my opinion. might be complete bollocks

stitch Fri 24-Jun-05 18:13:49

oops, thats a swear word. sorry

lou33 Fri 24-Jun-05 18:15:48

tut tut stitch

Pinotmum Fri 24-Jun-05 18:19:31

Ask him if you should just get married and sod the engagement ring being that moeny is so tight. See what he says. As others have said doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you. I'm still waiting for my engagement ring and have been married 5 yrs I WAS A FOOL THOUGH!!

starshaker Fri 24-Jun-05 18:22:09

we both pay half the bills and i pay for all dds food clothes and our food. i just want us to be a family and it was him that insisted dd had his name as we were getting married soon and then we wouldnt need to change her name

starshaker Fri 24-Jun-05 18:58:19

ment to mention hes not skint he has a lot in the bank he just wont touch it even for things we really need

starlover Sat 25-Jun-05 10:10:46

fine well give him an ultimatum. he either gets his act together and decides what he wants to do.. or you leave.

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