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Sex after childbirth - where,when, how long and HOW?

(58 Posts)
northstar Wed 22-Jun-05 10:17:30

Would genuinely appreciate some advice on this, as it's time to get back in the saddle.
One minute I am afraid it will hurt or damage something, the next minute I'm afraid it won't and it'll be like waving a stick in a bucket iykwim?

nailpolish Wed 22-Jun-05 10:27:08

oh dont worry! wont hurt. wont be 'welly up a closey' syndrome or 'stick in a bucket'. my dh still says im 'lovely, neat and tidy' after 2 dd's

lots and luck and ENJOY!

HappyDaddy Wed 22-Jun-05 10:29:25

Just be gentle and you'll quickly realise that it's the same as before pg (obviously im assuming it was good before pg!!).

northstar Wed 22-Jun-05 10:32:16

It was HD, even during pg, just need to break the ice I think. Have the wine ready but lost my bottle so to speak

nailpolish Wed 22-Jun-05 10:35:21

make sure everything is perfecto, ie nice soft moisturised skin, freshly washed hair, fave perfume on, nice minty breath, newly trimmed bush etc etc etc, then you will only have to worry about the jelly belly and leaking boobs

only kidding, have a wonderful evening, just do the deed and get the first over, and you will wonder what you have been worrying about

Lizzylou Wed 22-Jun-05 10:36:53

Northstar, I was really worried about "taking the plunge" after childbirth and can honestly say that sex is actually better now ( when we are lively enough to do it!)! My DH says that I feel no different (in fact, he says it is snugger), I waited and waited for ages, worried that it would hurt or not satisfy DH anymore......not at all! At first it was a psychological problem for me, now it is an exhaustion problem!

Lizzylou Wed 22-Jun-05 10:37:32

@ Nailpolish!

northstar Wed 22-Jun-05 10:39:10

Funnily enough I can handle the jelly belly, and will just make sure dd feeds off both sides first. It's going to take about 3 days to organise the rest.... Hair, skin, bush etc by the time I get the last one done the first will need doing again. Only joking! I can do this.

northstar Wed 22-Jun-05 10:40:23

lol at nailpolish too
How long did you wait lizzylou?

compo Wed 22-Jun-05 10:40:51

i did it just before my 6 week check to make sure everything was normal. And it was fine. Used lubricant just in case but it would have been okay without. Feels exactly the same too which is a shame as i always find it slightly painful at first!!!

outofmydeppth Wed 22-Jun-05 10:46:46

After 1st, it took me 3 months to get back in action (had internal and external tears). After 2nd, took me 6 weeks, suppose coz everything's "looser" (sorry!!) after the 1st one!! Lots of lubrication helps (KY warming fluid is the biz!).

Lizzylou Wed 22-Jun-05 10:49:13

Northstar, we tried at first after 9weeks, but I wasn't comfy, I kept clamming up and stopping DH, purely because I had built it up to be such a big problem...after a few weeks of gentle seduction and easing myself in gradually IYKWIM it was fine and dandy!

HappyDaddy Wed 22-Jun-05 10:50:18

compo, to make sure everything was normal? Did dh issue an MOT certificate after?

HappyHuggy Wed 22-Jun-05 10:51:25

we waited about a week with both our kids and everything was fine. Mo pain and dh said it was just as good as before.


ivy3 Wed 22-Jun-05 10:51:46

Don't worry I am sure most people feel the similar, except those who are already at it in the hospital within a day or two or so my mw told me!

Why not do a few 'other' (foreplay) things first over a couple of occasions and build up to it. That way you can regain your confidence. You will soon see it is as good as or even better than before. Good luck

By the way I waited until after my 6 week check before we went all the way

northstar Wed 22-Jun-05 10:52:24

Oh god i hope i'm normal.

northstar Wed 22-Jun-05 10:53:22

Whatever normal is

Lizzylou Wed 22-Jun-05 10:55:42

Northstar, just try not to worry about it and "go with the flow"!!!
I promise you will soon be wondering why you were worried!

Catsmother Wed 22-Jun-05 14:49:23

I waited 3 weeks with 1st (having had stiches) but only 5 days with 2nd (having had none that time) ..... mind you, that was the 1st and last time for about 6 months as daughter was terrible sleeper, wouldn't go in cot, etc. and we ended up "taking turns" to settle her and were more exhausted several months along than immediately after.

Didn't hurt either time, just took it slowly - am told there was no "difference".

Main problem for me was and still is having confidence in myself as opposed to anything else. I also had this psychological barrier re: my boobs being touched for ages as I was feeding duaghter until 15 months and somehow, to use them otherwise felt like a betrayal to her - stupid I know ! Glad to say that's no longer a problem, but my god, if you have a mirror anywhere in your bedroom in which you might be able to see yourselves, cover it up ! .... I caught a glimpse of my jelly belly once and was absolutely devastated - particularly 'cos I'd previously thought it wasn't "that bad".

HellKat Wed 22-Jun-05 14:57:32

Waited a whole................4 days lol. Dp was scared to, I was'nt. Was as great as before. just take it slow, it is scary at first but once you have you'll wonder what you were worried about!
God I sound like a flouzy lol

Mind you that's assuming you've had a starightforward birth (no stitches etc)

highlander Wed 22-Jun-05 23:40:45

jeez, I'm sooooo impressed ladies! DS is 9 months and sex is the last thing I feel like! He doesn't sleep though, maybe when I get a full night's kip..

fatmomma Thu 23-Jun-05 00:35:29

Thank god Highlander, I was begining to think I am some sort of freak! My ds is a lot older than yours and still not action for dh and I. Even though I fancy my dh and love him very much there seems to be some psychological barrier. TBH I even find tampons uncomfortable - TMI I know .

footprint Thu 23-Jun-05 07:09:59

dd 13 months and no sex yet

footprint Thu 23-Jun-05 07:11:07

I know what you mean about a psychological barrier FM, it's the same with us, but I am keen (VERY keen!), it is dh who isn't

Chickyboo Thu 23-Jun-05 08:27:15

Had sex once about 9mths after DD and nothing while preggers. It last exactly 1min from beginning to end.

I think Dh is not that keen said he doesn't like me since baby extra weight and nagging.

I also thought I was abnormal when started reading this thread

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