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am i an old fashioned budiamma?

(163 Posts)
stitch Tue 21-Jun-05 21:27:36

but i always thought life was supposed to go , childhood, youth, marriage, kids and responsibilities.
why do people have kids when they are still kids themselves?
why do people have kids without getting some sort of legal connection, ie a marriage certificate?
what is this dillydallying around, 'oh, we are expecting our first child, but dont want to get married yet?'
why do people make life difficult for themselves by trying to do everything at the same time, kids, relationship, education and carreer?

or am i just not in tune with the youth of the 21st century?

motherinferior Tue 21-Jun-05 21:29:08

I don't want to get married.

And I like my job.

I'm 42 by the way, probably a lot older than you.

nutcracker Tue 21-Jun-05 21:30:39

I also don't want to get married, went through a big mess of a divorce as a child which put me off for life.

I had my first child at 19, because i wanted to, i was in a realtionship so didn't see the prob.

compo Tue 21-Jun-05 21:30:40

I am married but know lots of people who have kids who aren't married. I really don't see the problem so don't understand why you ask 'why do people have kids without getting some sort of legal connection, ie a marriage certificate?'?

starlover Tue 21-Jun-05 21:32:29

I am not married because i don't want to get married. I don't need a piece of paper to "prove" anything.

DS was unplanned, but very much wanted, and came at the expense of my University place (midwifery).. but I wouldn't change that for the world.

PiccadillyCircus Tue 21-Jun-05 21:33:06

DH and I have done the first part.
But sometimes still feel like kids (have no idea when we're going to grow up)
And we are doing everything at once I think except I'm not currently being educated.
I presume everyone has to work at their relationship all the time.

It annoyed me when I was talking to my mum about a friend of mine who has a baby and isn't married and my mum was all tut tutting about it. It isn't her business anyway.Grr.

stitch Tue 21-Jun-05 21:33:42

compo, because i see what problems the women have when things go wrong with the relationship when they have no legal backup. thats why.

if you dont want to, then obviously thats your choice. im not saying its wrong, i just dont understand it.

stitch Tue 21-Jun-05 21:35:07

but why dont you want to get married starlover, that s what i am asking?
nosy, i know, if you feel offended, then dont answer please. its not my intention to offend anyone.

NomDePlume Tue 21-Jun-05 21:35:23

stitch, I smell controversy here.....

People have kids when they are still young for a number of reasons - a) they actually want a child, b) the pregnancy was accidental but they don't believe in termination, or they found out too late to make that decision. c) they have a child because it's something to love unconditionally, that will do the same in return. The list goes on and on, and on.

Not everyone feels the urge to get married pre-children, or post-children. Their marital status is their business alone.

Some people don't have the choice to spread things evenly over their lives like a Disney film. Circumstance can often mean that adulthood means juggling a number of responsibilities and wearing a number of hats.

Frankly your post appalls me beyond belief, stitch.

starlover Tue 21-Jun-05 21:36:02

well... why would i?

sallystrawberry Tue 21-Jun-05 21:36:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stitch Tue 21-Jun-05 21:37:26

the legal connection is the only real reason i can think of for marriage. is that not something you would prefer then?

stitch Tue 21-Jun-05 21:39:56

sally, things havent been cut and dried for me. its just that i have seen so many women have problems because of the choices they have made, i was reading the thread about babies surnames, and i just thought id ask mumsnetters their opinions.
ndp there is nothing to be appalled about. i am just questioning, not judginng. obviously everyone does what they think is best for themselves.

Gomez Tue 21-Jun-05 21:40:01

Not even in tune with the nearly middle-aged of the 21st century stitch - what a pile of nonsense!

starlover Tue 21-Jun-05 21:41:26

0'm not bothered about a legal connection to be honest.

If myself and DP split amicably then he would support DS.

If it was an unamicable split then i'd rather not be married anyway i think! no divorce to go through!

NomDePlume Tue 21-Jun-05 21:41:44

I'm appalled that young-ish people still hold these views and, worse still, feel it is their business to question the choices of others

giraffeski Tue 21-Jun-05 21:41:54

Message withdrawn

sallystrawberry Tue 21-Jun-05 21:42:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NomDePlume Tue 21-Jun-05 21:42:22


Pruni Tue 21-Jun-05 21:42:52

Message withdrawn

motherinferior Tue 21-Jun-05 21:42:59

I'm with Starlover.

And even if I were married, I'd keep my name and expect the Inferiorettes to have it. I'm not handing my identity over to some man for a re-brand.

starlover Tue 21-Jun-05 21:43:01

if you don't think it's any of her business then why tell her????????

stitch Tue 21-Jun-05 21:43:48

ok, teen pregnancy, like the woman in the news recently.
dont girls know that sex equals babies? and if they are having sex, then there is a likelyhood of having a baby?
and if you get pregnant by a one night stand, then it is far more likely that the man might not make a good father.
etc etc
school might not tell you, but mom might. or some other family memeber, or friend or books, or the internet. etc

sallystrawberry Tue 21-Jun-05 21:44:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giraffeski Tue 21-Jun-05 21:44:59

Message withdrawn

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