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I am numb

(23 Posts)
Chickyboo Mon 20-Jun-05 23:54:26

Dh has just told me our relationship is over doesn't want to discuss counselling. Don't know what to do.. I don't want dd to be homeless she is 10 mths old. I can't think straight I want to leave but why should I? Shouldn't he find somewhere to go not me. I can't begin to think about staying together as he has become so aggressive and scary he says its my fault and I'm going to make him do something he'll regret. At the moment I am numb I just don't want scare dd

Skribble Mon 20-Jun-05 23:58:01

Sorry you are in this situation. At least he sees that it is over. It is time to get practical for the sake of you and DD. You have to look at what your options are and what you need to do.

You may have freinds that can help but people likw womans aid can offer impartial help when you need it.

Hope you work things out soon.

Chickyboo Mon 20-Jun-05 23:59:05

Thank you Skribbles

Skribble Tue 21-Jun-05 00:00:03

Has he left or is he expecting you to go? Whos name is the house in?

Chickyboo Tue 21-Jun-05 00:04:46

Don't know yet...house in both names but he's been living here for 12 years and me 5 yrs. What do you do with no money and a 10 mth old baby.. he has given me about £300 since she was born and thats because I asked for it. I work from home so if I leave I won't be able to work and I can't sign on as I'm self-employed and a full time student.

Skribble Tue 21-Jun-05 00:07:39

I would look at ways of doing business from somewhere else if this is how you support youself. Would renting a small cheap office be still to much or a back street unit depending on business. Maybe offering token rent to use a freinds spare room.

Chickyboo Tue 21-Jun-05 00:13:30

I'm a hairdresser so can do this with dd at home usually if she is asleep I don't have a car so can't go to clients houses or drop dd off anywhere as it is I only just survive on the £3-400 I earn a mth. He pays mortgage and major bills and I pay for all the food, baby stuff and household bits..he earns £1800 per mth.

Sorry to bend your ear but I am in shock

hester Tue 21-Jun-05 00:18:57

oh Chickyboo, you poor thing. What a terrible shock. This advice is coming from no expertise whatsoever, but my instinct is to suggest that you not do or promise anything (re. the house, money etc) until you have obtained legal advice. Get advice QUICKLY - he has wrongfooted you with this shock but you must gather your resources quickly.

Only exception to this is if you do feel threatened and unsafe, in which case get your daughter and yourself out. And then seek legal advice.

So wish you weren't going through this. Take great care of yourself.

Skribble Tue 21-Jun-05 00:20:31

Thats not so eay is it. I am trying to think of ways for you to continue with the hairdressing. You are going to have a drop in income whatever you do. Check that you are not entitalled to any thing as you can't be earning that much from your business yet. Not sure what single parents are entitaled to, but worth investigating.

Chickyboo Tue 21-Jun-05 00:23:37

Well I feel like he wants me to make decision sort of backing me into a corner so that it is me who leaves so I get the blame or I make the decision as usual..do you know what I mean?
I will contact CAB tomorrow for advice.

Skribble Tue 21-Jun-05 00:30:56

Find out as much as you can from as many places as possible. You will probably need a solicitor soon as well. My freind is is the process of trying to get her husband to leave, he just doesn't get it.

I will be back on MN on Wed night to see how you get on, I,m working late tomorrow.

HappyDaddy Tue 21-Jun-05 08:49:15

Legal advice will enable you to get your head a bit straighter. A solicitor will also write to your dh, pointing out that you and dd need your current home more than he does. As a working man, he can get new suitable accomodation much more easily than you can.

Sorry to hear about your situation but, once the shock's gone you'll start to feel much clearer.

BadgerBadger Tue 21-Jun-05 15:40:07

Chickyboo, AFAIK, if you are married then the house is yours (collectively, rather than just your partners) even if it was his to start with. I read another thread a few minutes ago and in it, several people stated that as a married partner of a home owner, the 'other half' has rights to the house, even if their name isn't on the mortgage.
Obviously, you need to verify this ASAP with an appropriate advisor.

If you have concerns over your safety or that of your DD you can call social services for advice, they have the resources to remove him from the family home.

Pruni Tue 21-Jun-05 15:45:10

Message withdrawn

Chickyboo Wed 22-Jun-05 09:31:53

havn't called CAB yet!
Anyway we are married and I own house with DH.

DH is acting normal now as if every thing is Ok....but I know it isn't finished yet.

I don't have the energy to confront him as I've got clients coming over next few days. Its really difficult keeping it together when you've got people turning up at your house.

Chickyboo Wed 22-Jun-05 09:33:23

BTW I'm not leaving house my sister and cousin ahve been really supportive and are also aware off how difficult DH is

Skribble Wed 22-Jun-05 23:28:05

Hi chicky, My freind has the same problem her husband acts as if nothing is wrong. Do try and get advice even if you don't plan to act on it at the moment.

If things get worse or the situation changes it will help you if you have had some advice already and aren't waiting for an appointment if the s**t hits the fan. In my experience men are totally unpredictable and very scheming.

I'm glad to hear you have support and understanding family and that you feel able to stay put.

ggglimpopo Thu 23-Jun-05 00:37:18

Message withdrawn

Chickyboo Thu 23-Jun-05 08:17:58

He hasn't been messing around...all he does is go to work and come home and drink wine and laze around.

We have been talking about moving for 3yrs and before dd was born he promised that we would move before she was born but none of the work on the house has been done so can't sell without losing loads of money. I have complained about the fact that I am not included in the decision to move house change mortgage.

When I was working it was different. I do work from home but he constantly says things like "because you are not working you should ...etc". I have to keep reminding him that he doesn't give me any money, even when I ask it turns into a drama so I just leave it..,but last night he said its just nagging and he also said he gives me money when I need it. This month I've only earnt £250 and have to buy all grocerie and baby stuff pay my bills I told him this and he just ignores it.

Have spoken to CAB so I know my rights.

Chickyboo Fri 24-Jun-05 21:51:12

I'm so stupid...

Dh has been acting as if everything is okay so I wrote him a letter yesterday so he could read it when he came home for lunch (dd and I went to our first music for babies thing)Anyway he hasn't mentioned letter.. but he has just blown up over nothing and gone to bed and won't talk.
We were having such a lovely evening and then I said somwthing to upset it all

Caligula Fri 24-Jun-05 22:01:56

Chickyboo don't blame yourself. He chose to get upset, you didn't cause it.

Can only second what the others have said - get yourself a rottweiler solicitor asap.

Is there any chance of your sister/ cousin coming over and staying with you?

Chickyboo Fri 24-Jun-05 22:16:59

These probs have been going on for so long don't feel I need someone with me, other than dd of course.
Think I might go and stay with a friend for a few days..I was going to go and see her overnight next week but might just stay a couple of days and also go see his auntie who looks after dd when I'm at University.

Actually I'm feeling really strong because I know I havn't had a sissy fit.

chipmonkey Fri 24-Jun-05 23:16:49

Chickyboo, don't leave. The house is a family home, therefore is your dd's home and she is entitled to stay there. Your dh is trying to brazen it out to get you to leave. Don't make it easy for him.

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