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On edge, feel like am going backwards

(12 Posts)
slimbo Mon 09-Nov-09 20:19:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

startingovernow Mon 09-Nov-09 21:17:02

Hi Slimbo, couldn't let this go unanswered. I had to throw exh out for unacceptable behaviour & he treated me pretty much the same as your x treated you & I was left feeling exactly as you are feeling now.

For me I think it was a combination of lack of closure, unanswered questions, shock, disbelief that he didn't do anything to try to win me back or fight for his family.

You've had an awful loss, it's the same as a death & I think you're just going through the grieving process which is completely normal. I'm a bit further down the line & it does get better.

I would recommend you get a bit of counselling for yourself to help you cope with being treated so badly & to help you to move on again. I would deffinately make sure not to contact him if at all possible.

It sounds like you've done exceptionally well though is getting yours & dd's lives back on track. Well done & just try to take care of yourself as much as possible, do nice things for yourself etc

AnyFucker Mon 09-Nov-09 21:22:50

do you know what, you sound like you are suffering from some form of PTSD

and I wouldn't blame you

you sound like were doing well (maybe a bit too well...?) and now the situation is hitting you like a ton of bricks

can you talk to a trusted family member/friend about how you are feeling

if not, see your GP about the possibility of talking this over ith someone professional

do not contact him, btw, I am sure this is your imagination playing tricks on you

have some hugs from me

you will be fine, love, be kind to yourself

slimbo Mon 09-Nov-09 21:30:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Mon 09-Nov-09 21:34:21

sounds awful for you slimbo...

poshsinglemum Mon 09-Nov-09 23:11:15

I have heard lots of stories about previously decent men turning into monsters when they leave their families. It is on another thread here and in a newspaper article (can't remember which ones- sorry.)They put it down to guilt.

He is feeling as guilty as sin and is thertefore taking it out on you. He's a twunt. It's not you- it's him.

GypsyMoth Mon 09-Nov-09 23:20:44

slimbo,i'm in the same boat. i have been safe with the knowledge my abusive and insane ex has been living 230 miles away with a new partner.....all good.

then after a while he starts court proceedings for contact

these have been interspersed with 8 suicide attempts,girlfriend has now dumped him,he's awaiting sentencing next month at crown court for attempting to shoot at police with a replica gun and the silence from him is deafening!!

the suicide attempts....he tried a few times when with me....and i just think of that man who gassed his kids in the car,those 3 boys,and got the eldest to phone mum to say goodbye....i told cafcass this is what i feel he will finally do. with the recent psychiatric report she felt it possible and is recommending no contact when it finally gets back to court.

i need to know where he is at all times,he's on bail....he knows he's facing prison...what if he decides to end it properly and take us all with him?/

his own brother gassed himself in his car years back...he knows the effect on families...this is what i have nightmares about. its terrifying,i sympathise

HeSaysSheSays Mon 09-Nov-09 23:29:19

Slimbo, I agree with Anyfucker in that it sounds like you are suffering from some kind of anxiety or PTSD. This sense of something coming, feeling that something is not quite right, wanting to pre-empt whatever it is with a foolish action of your own - just so you don't have to wait any more... it is all pretty classic symptoms TBH. How supportive is your GP? I would suggest your first move should be to go and talk it through with them. You have been through an awful lot in a very short time, you may just need a bit of extra support to get you through this next little while.

slimbo Tue 10-Nov-09 17:15:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Tue 10-Nov-09 18:20:08

aww good luck, slimbo

Anniegetyourgun Tue 10-Nov-09 19:29:40

Don't feel embarrassed, Slimbo. There's a lot of us out there. I even knew (friend of a friend) a clinical psychologist, for goodness' sake! who finally admitted to herself that she had been emotionally abused by her husband for 12 years. It is so much easier to see from the outside.

HeSaysSheSays Tue 10-Nov-09 19:37:17

Good luck with the GP Slimbo.

I strongly suspect that getting some support with your anxiety (whether through medication or emotional support) will make you feel much more able to cope with his games.

It is true that it is easy for someone with the inclination to get under the skin of someone feeling vunerable, as you say getting out of the house will help you feel less vunerable, getting some support will make less vunerable still and time will help you remove yourself from him making you feel more in control again - in short this will get better, he will affect you less and less. It may seem like a long road right now but you have made a great start, you just need to keep going now smile

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