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Feeling drained and very sad

(10 Posts)
willitgetbetter Sat 07-Nov-09 22:23:20

I just need to let this all out as I have bottled it up for so long. I have been married 15 years now and have 2 wonderful DC.

I am of asian background and my marriage was arranged after 2 meetings with my husband. I knew pretty soon after we were married we were not right for each other.

The last 15 years have been so draining. I have no real connection with my husband he is a workaholic and has more interest in his work than anything in his life. He rejected me sexually right from the day we were married I got fed up trying and gave up. I wanted children so the sex was for making babies only. My DC are 7 and 5.

I long to be held, I look at other people who look so happy in relationships and wonder why cant it be like this for me. Where did it all go so wrong.

Get angry really quickly. Got mad because I didn’t cook his dinner. He just went out when it was time for kids bath bed etc makes a habit of this. I had enough and thought I wont be cooking tonight and this is the abuse I get verbally.

F*ing dog
Whore 10 times
Ugly dog/ bitch piece of shit on the floor.
B*** C*

Its always like this everytime I do something wrong I get sworn at.

I really do not know what stops me from leaving I supposes I’m scared it used to be cultural reasons but now I really do not care about that anymore its more about what’s best for my children they love there dad.

I feel so drained now and just feel as if I have had enough I can’t stand the arguments anymore. I want a life, I want to be happy. I feel so lonely. I’ve got no one to talk to.

Do I just take the plunge and leave I’m not sure if I could do it though.

Please excuse the spellings and grammar as typing quite fast and not reread. sorry if its a bit long tried to keep as short as possible

macdoodle Sat 07-Nov-09 22:27:31

Its not best for your children or for you!
I know how hard it is, but it is NOT right to be spoken to like that!
Make plans to leave, ring womens aid, and get out!!

changequick1 Sat 07-Nov-09 22:28:24

contact woman's aidhere
so sorry to hear that.
get out!

Take the plunge.. Just think what your children are learning about what makes a relationship. He can still be a good father when not a husband.

Please leave.

MrsJamesMartin Sat 07-Nov-09 22:32:05

This is really not on. Its no good for you and no good for your children.

As macdoodle said you need to try and make palns to leave.

Have a look at site it gives upport to women from asian backgrounds.

Good luck x

luciemule Sat 07-Nov-09 22:32:58

Hi willitgetbetter.
I really feel for you and after 15 years I would really love to say I'm sure it will get better but your DH does sound as though he has absolutely no respect for you.
Have you spoken to him about how you feel and how he makes you feel?
I know you said he doesn't help you with the children but does he love them?
Do you work and if yes, would you be able to support your DCs if you did leave your DH or is that not really an acceptable solution because of your religion? I can imagine that after that length of time, you find it easier to stay and put up with it than go and start a fresh.
Are you able to have time for yourself in the evenings; if you said to your DH "I have a book club to go to on a Tuesday night" for example or something similar, what would his reaction be? Sorry long reply but you sound so unhappy.

onebatmother Sat 07-Nov-09 22:33:18

Oh my dear. It's really not best for your children - unless you want them to grow up thinking this is what they should do/what they deserve too.

And it's certainly not right for you. You deserve to be loved.

You will have to be strong, but you can do it, you really can.

AMAZINWOMAN Sun 08-Nov-09 08:38:26

If someone said to your children;

F*ing dog
Whore 10 times
Ugly dog/ bitch piece of shit on the floor.
B* C*

How would you feel? It's not acceptable to be spoken to like that.

Even more scary is that your children may hear this, and think the behaviour is acceptable and normal.

You have to go.

willitgetbetter Sun 08-Nov-09 20:20:24

Thank you everyone for your replies, I think I know what I need to do. I Just need to leave.

jkklpu Sun 08-Nov-09 20:23:52

Make sure you prepare before you do it, especially in terms of getting together all the documents you might need, eg bank account details/passbooks, passports, child benefit papers, your own employment history and kids' health and school papers. The recommendations others have made should give you good advice. Take good care.

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