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Really angry at (D)H hijacking my thread!

(34 Posts)



I'm not bothered about him reading it, it doesn't say anything that I wouldn't discuss with him. Although I do think him looking at it without me is a breech of trust.

But his comments as "Wallace11", if they are from him as he's not here to ask, are really worrying.

One-sided? Yes, MY side!

Can someone convince me this is a positive step in our relationship, please? Because I can't see it.

<Disclaimer - if it turns out to just be a random person posting, then this thread will become null and void, and I might do a little dance>

AitchTwoToTangOh Sat 07-Nov-09 10:50:21

i'm not sure why everyone responded so badly to him, his post seemed quite decent to me, by way of an apology and the hope for a second chance. unless he's just a serial abuser out to manipulate the situation, which only you know really.

From my POV he has already said these things to me, and I responded along the lines of "The words are well and good, but I need to see the actions"

and instead of doing anything, he has come on here.

Not to convince me, but to convince you.

Because previously other people's perceptions have been more important than his family sad

kinnies Sat 07-Nov-09 11:01:42

I've just read the thread and was shock at 'wallace11'

Whoever he is he taker the biscuit!!

Are you at home and dh at work?

I have pnd and am a pita at times but I take my meds I'm better, not 100% but a bit.

Your dh needs to grow up

dh has just gone to pick something up, he should be back any minute.

I really hope it wasn't him, it was just some idiot messing about. But my MN was logged out, which is not a good sign.

DuelingFanjo Sat 07-Nov-09 11:13:09

I am really really shocked by Macdoodle's comment on that thread shock

His post actually seems quite genuine.

I don't know anything about the history of all this though so maybe I am missing something.

Maybe the best thing would be for you (the OP) to have a conversation with your DH about this, away from the internet and in private, rather than continuing it on here?

Chickenshavenolips Sat 07-Nov-09 11:14:39

Agree with DuelingFanjo. Having a domestic in cyberspace seems pointless when you could sit down and have a discussion.



I am so relieved. It would have been such a huge step backwards. And as you say, so bloody childish!


<does a little dance>

SolidGoldBangers Sat 07-Nov-09 11:38:40

He's still a self-pitying whanger, whoever he is.

ChocHobNob Sat 07-Nov-09 11:41:45

What a relief for you.

In defence of Macdoodle, she knows the history and supported me yesterday, and in this context she is absolutely right that the post is manipulative and self-serving. That was posted to cut off support through MN, not to fix his marriage.

Choc, you have no idea!

On a more sinister note, I am concerned that it might be niftyblue's (d)h, can people keep an eye out for her. I'm worried.

picmaestress Sat 07-Nov-09 11:55:21

I suspect your DH may have narcissistic tendencies, and has persuaded everyone around him that it's 'depression', when actually it's much more complex than that.

I am very concerned about you, actually, more than any other MN I've read about on here recently. You sound like you're doing brilliantly in a bloody tricky situation, but why are you so prepared to put up with all of this? I don't know anyone that should put up with this behaviour from their partner, depression or not.

Was he really always the wonderful person you say he was until 2 years ago? In his thread hijack even he says he spent years and years hiding his true feelings.

I don't doubt he loves you and wants to fix things, but as you say, it's actions not words that count. Love is an action, it's what you do, it's not just something you say to get away with shitty behaviour.

(I speak from exhausting experience. I love my exDH very much still, but I had to get away from him. He manipulated everyone and me to the point where I was suicidal. He trashed my life and my brain, and still plays incredibly clever and complex mind games with us all.)

In my opinion, his posting on here and his behaviour is classic Narc territory. His boundaries are VERY blurred if he feels he can crash your thread.

The complexity of the situation you're now in is typical of the chaos they cause. A relationship really shouldn't be this complex and it definitely should not revolve around one person so much. Hope you get a chance to get to the bottom of all of this.

picmaestress Sat 07-Nov-09 11:56:10

Oh, ah, cross post. So it wasn't him. How do you know it wasn't?

He's not a very good liar (lots of experience). When he walked in I asked if he had something to tell me and he looked completely confused. "About MN?", more confusion, followed by shock at someone posting.

Trust me, it wasn't him.

This is something he would have done 8 months ago, but he now seems genuinely appalled at the idea that Wallace would think this is ok. And not a little ashamed that he was in Wallace's postion.

pic, I appreciate your post, he really is/was a good man.

picmaestress Sat 07-Nov-09 12:09:31

Aw, good. I'm sure he is. At least he's acknowledging his issues and communicating with you. You must love him very much.

You're a braver woman than I. My ex is a wonderful man, but I just couldn't cope with him, and I have enormous feelings of guilt at walking away. But then, it was a matter of survival at that point for me.

I am very relieved it wasn't him posting too.

Take care of yourself, you're no use to anyone unless you put yourself first.

Thanks Pic, sometimes the bravest thing you can do is walk away, you shouldn't feel guilty.

I will protect myself and the dcs in all of this. I promise.

MN will be the first to kick me up the arse if I don't smile

DuelingFanjo Sat 07-Nov-09 16:21:41

"That was posted to cut off support through MN, not to fix his marriage."

you don't know that. If it wasn't your husband then it wasn't posted to cut off your support and there's no way of knowing if the person who posted it has a wife who posts on mumsnet. It really just looked to me like someone offering advice from the point of view of someone who has suffered from depression and who was trying to post from your husband's point of view.

I, of course, don't know the history of your situation so can't really comment on it but neither do we know the history of that poster who you mistook for your DH.

Anyway - I do hope you manage to sort it out and get to talk to your husband about your fears.

dittany Sat 07-Nov-09 16:42:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieO Sat 07-Nov-09 17:17:33

I agree with Dittany.

GypsyMoth Sat 07-Nov-09 17:39:24

my ex supposedly had depression....7 years later and a proper psychiatric examination (not a normal gp....they mis diagnose depression ALOT)turns out it wasn't depression at all!

who diagnosed depression? he doesn't sound depressed at all to me,sorry.

dittany Sat 07-Nov-09 18:23:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm Sat 07-Nov-09 18:27:21

Well, there's an easy way to tell if it was him or not. MN have IPs logged. That would clarify things, no?

perfectstorm Sat 07-Nov-09 18:28:13

"From my POV he has already said these things to me, and I responded along the lines of "The words are well and good, but I need to see the actions"

Um, no offence, but if it wasn't him, how could he word-for-word parrot your DH's party line?

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