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sleeping in separate rooms - relationship breaker or saver?

(10 Posts)
earlycomputers Thu 05-Nov-09 19:29:51

For the last few weeks my long term DP and I have been sleeping in separate rooms since I had a baby, - basically for practical reasons (I do the night feeds and it was agreed between us that it would be better for only one of us to have disturbed sleep than both of us). So far this arrangement has worked well - so well in fact that I am actually reluctant to go back to sharing a bed and room with my DP. Having separate rooms has not affected our sex life at all and has meant that I dont have to listen to his snoring and plus there are no arguments about the duvet/how hot or cold the room is/how much the window or blinds should be open etc etc.
What I wanted to ask was - has anyone else successfully maintained or even improved their relationship sleeping in separate rooms or am I on the road to us having a worse relationship in the long run?

mrsboogie Thu 05-Nov-09 19:36:16

If you are both happy with it and it doesn't affect your sex life etc then what's the problem? It could be quite romantic in a way - paying each other nocturnal visits like in the olden days. Hmmm.. you could have a sort of boudoir affair.. I'm quite warming to the idea myself!

MagNacarta Thu 05-Nov-09 19:39:31

The way my dh has been snoring this week has made me think that we need a spare bedroom. I honestly sleep better when he's not here (which is a lot). We're moving soon and I'm seriously considering separate rooms although I don't know how it'd work out as I don't like the idea of booking an appointment for sex iyswim.

thisisyesterday Thu 05-Nov-09 19:42:06

i know 3 couples who happily sleep in separate rooms.
if we had the space i think i would too! for most of the reasons you state

RustyBear Thu 05-Nov-09 19:42:47

We've been doing it for several years now, mostly because of the snoring & because I like to MN read late & DH can't sleep with the light on. Hasn't done our sex-life any harm at all, like mrsboogie says it makes it more romantic.

Fabster Thu 05-Nov-09 19:52:21

If you are both happy it is your business and you can do what you like.

It wouldn't work for us as I can't sleep when he isn't there so lucky for me DH doesn't go away for work now.

Goober Thu 05-Nov-09 19:52:36

So whose bed gets the wet patch if you have a bed each??


IvanaDK Thu 05-Nov-09 19:58:03

My husband slept in his home office when we had our second child, our son, as I had the him in bed with me and as you say, some one has to sleep ;) When our son was 8 months he moved into his sister's bedroom and my husband came back in the bedroom.

It never affected our sex life (for some reason we usually have sex in the day time?) and we both slept better.

To be honest, I would like my own bedroom. My husband likes to watch TV on his laptop in bed and even if he has his headphones on, it keeps me awake, it's the screen light. I like darkness and quiet for sleeping - preferably alone ;)

I do some times sleep in the living room and I enjoy it.

lilacclaire Thu 05-Nov-09 20:05:12

If it works for both of you then why not, lack of good sleep for whatever reason can have a very negative affect on a relationship.

sadperson123 Thu 05-Nov-09 20:06:47

My H and I sleep seperately - and have mainly since our DS was born 6 years ago - to start off with it was fine, as we met up for sex etc etc, but it does put a distance between you.

I always used to say that it didn't (As I do actually prefer to sleep in my own ..... tidy room - no manly smells etc) and if your relationship is fine then it works.

My H and I are currently on the verge of seperating and I do think that some of our rows could have been softened if we were waking up next to each other after a row - but then again I am probably kidding myslef, as he snores, and is really untidy.

I do remember when DS was born yearning for a nights sleep without being woken by the snoring tho !!!

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