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pregnancy changed relationship

(4 Posts)
NKffffffff9869e792X124c59c3343 Thu 05-Nov-09 18:50:09

Hello, I'm 31 weeks pregnant, it was not a planned pregnancy and my partner and I have not been together very long- 15 mos. My problem is that my partner cannot bear to touch me. We have not been naked together since I began to show. I am worried about the implications of this on the intimacy of giving birth. And how things will be after the birth. I don't feel comfortable with him anymore and hide myself- my self-esteem has plummetted...
He is a big porn watcher and this makes me angry, upset and paranoid like never before.
Any ideas of what to DO? I feel like I have become really irritating and emotional and I talk AT him, he never says anything and won't see a professional 'cause as he puts it, if he can't talk to me why would he talk to someone he doesn't know? He has managed to tell me that the idea of the baby 'in there' whilst attempting anything sexual or intimate makes him feel sick.
I really want to feel joyful and excited about the birth but spend a LOT of time worrying about this.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated,
Thankyou!

mrsboogie Thu 05-Nov-09 18:59:13

He clearly thinks that women's bodies are only for sex and the concept of reproduction is abhorrent to him. I don't know what this holds for the future of your relationship but if you plan on continuing it (I wouldn't) I strongly suggest you don't have him at the birth for the sake of everyone concerned. Get yourself a birth partner or a doula and leave him at home until its all done and dusted.

mamas12 Thu 05-Nov-09 20:30:35

NKf I am very sorry you are going through this. I know what it's like and it hurts.
Why could he delight in the pregnancy as much as me. Everytime I came near him his lip curled.
I tried to reason it in my mind and thought 'well, that just happens to some men'
But NO, after a counsellor told me that his behaviour was classic power and control issues, it all fell into place. He was and still is an emotional abuser and have divorced him now.
Unfortunately, he was at the births of both my dcs (yes I really tried with him)and I regretted it, because I was in the same frame of mind you are in now, worrying about how he is feeling and coping instead of actually getting on with the very important business of giving birth.
He was no support whatsoever, but you think you want him there I suggest you have someone else there for you too.
Good luck and think of yourself and your birth and forget about he is thinking etc.

mrsboogie Thu 05-Nov-09 21:04:10

if you think you want him there, you really don't. Not only will he be of no help to you his negative presence could make the process of giving birth much more difficult for you and your baby.

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