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karma is biting me on asse

(17 Posts)

seeing X since july-ish

dumped once for various reasons of lack of time on his part.

dumped twice as he went away abroad for 3 weeks and i met someone else who was more available and tried to have relationship with them

both times it was horrible.

normally i'm very blase about relationships and can take or leave them

now...after finishing with other guy and no feeling on split at all i have realised i do really quite like X, and would like to make it work.

he wont give me a 3rd chance at present.

X is starting new business, working existing job and training to be gym instructor

refuses point blank to be anything more than friends, and give any sort of affection till he is either qualified or new business is doing well enough to leave job.

then he has promised he will 100% def have a go at a proper full on relationship if i'm willing to hang about

says at present he cant provide the time or attention required for proper relationship.
refuses to "just see what happens ".. and resume affection.

refuses to meet me in closed quarters incase we do have sex.. as he says its not fair on him to have sex then i leave again as i feel i'm not seeing him enough.

HERE's THE THING

it's actually hurting me seeing him and just being friends.

anyone any experience on how to deal with this, and remain friends without the pain?

otherwise i cant wait, and i shall have to walk away completely. if i walked away, i could close the door on this and move on. stick it in a box in my mind iykwim.

karma is sooo biting me in the arse for dumping him twice

juicy xx

p,s when i say hang about... he doesn't expect me not to see other people. he understand if i do, but he doesn't want to know iykwim.

AnyFuckerForSomeParkin Wed 04-Nov-09 21:19:25

I don't blame him tbh

how can he trust you not to chuck him again ?

some people just don't like lots of drama and roller-coaster-type relationships

glitterkitty Wed 04-Nov-09 21:19:40

Woo! he is playing you.

Yes its revenge for dumping him twice.

Men can do this shit. Of course its hurting you. Thats the point.
Walk away.

AnyFuckerForSomeParkin Wed 04-Nov-09 21:20:30

it sounds like the other way around to me kitty smile

dollius Wed 04-Nov-09 21:22:13

You sound like you are 12. Sorry to be harsh.

Do you have children?? If so, for god's sake grow up and take some responsibility for your actions.

Personally think your X should run screaming for the hills.

feel free to hound me... i deserve it and i know it.

but advice on the friends thing would be appreciated too.

AnyFuckerForSomeParkin Wed 04-Nov-09 21:29:16

well, if you find it too difficult to be just friends, then perhaps you really do have to let him go completely

he may come around if you say you will ahbve a complete break for say, 6 months

abscence, heart fonder, maybe ?

Conundrumish Wed 04-Nov-09 21:37:27

And you want us to say what exactly? Can't blame the poor bloke - I wouldn't put my new developing business on the line for you to bin me again.

not asking him to put his business on the line. would only see him once a month if thats what it takes.

suppose your all right though walk away and leave the poor bloke alone.

AnyFuckerForSomeParkin Wed 04-Nov-09 21:45:24

take the pressure off him

maybe you can get things back on track if you take it very slowly

you have only been together since July but you have broken up twice already ?? hmm

fgs woman, this isn't a Jeremy Kyle show (sorry, have been on another thread where he is being discussed wink)

seriously, too much too soon, love

bibbitybobbityhat Wed 04-Nov-09 21:46:03

You need to grow up, I think, then you wouldn't need to ask a bunch of internet strangers how to act like a normal mature decent adult human being.

Aussieng Wed 04-Nov-09 21:50:54

Hi, I actually don't think you should be too hard on yourself. This was new relationship not a long term one where you had both agreed together that he could focus his energies outside the relationship for a while. When you "dumped" (harsh word) him previously you made that decision based on the facts, circumstances and your feelings at the time and if you were finding him "unavailable" then I can understand how early on in a relationship that might make you feel dissatisfied and break it off.

Men who are unavailable can be very attractive - are you sure it is not that fact which is making you "pine" for him now?

I don't know how badly this is hurting you but you don't seem to have much choice but to do what he wants for the moment. I'm not one for believing that you should put your life on hold. Just get on with your life and if it is meant to be it will work out and if it doesn't then by the time you realise this you will probably have moved on anyway.

as aussie says first "break-up".. was he was never available.

2nd break-up was i met someone who was more available.

"dumping" is harsh i suppose. as both times it was discussed like mature adults that we should stop seeing each/exclusive to each other.

yes, i instigated the chats to finish/change the nature of the relationship for my own selfish reasons.

i dont pine for him between seeing him.

it only hurts when i see him and have to remain "friends"

and yes.... maybe i do need to grow up.... but i am only young smile... and asking wise mnetters on advice or harsh reality slap sad

SolidGoldBangers Wed 04-Nov-09 22:02:05

TBH this sounds like a relationship that is just Not Going To Work. For whatever reasons, both you and he are only really interested when the other one has run off crying and swearing, never again - and then when you get back 'together' it's the other one's turn to start acting up.
Now some people might tell you to stick together to avoid spoiling two households, but I think you would both be better off drawing a line under the mess and moving on.

I'm not clear, though, about whether he's the father of any DC you have? If so, you are going to have to work on setting boundaries; if not then just cut him out of your life. Have one last shag if you must, and cry all over each other, and write some poetry about the One That Got Away or something, and then leave it be. You'll both feel a lot better.

AnyFuckerForSomeParkin Wed 04-Nov-09 22:03:12

sgb, they have been together only since July

SBG - smile sound advice.

thank you.

grin at writing peotry

SolidGoldBangers Wed 04-Nov-09 22:24:46

AF: I thought she meant, seeing her XP from before July, since July... <sticks head in bucket>.

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