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end of relationship?

(12 Posts)
alonely Wed 04-Nov-09 19:41:55

Hi, I'm new to this, but need someone to talk to or some advice or just to know someone is out there.

Difficult relationship has imploded. I can't face life on my own with two kids. It has always been difficult with BF, who is father of 21-month-old but not older D.

I think I have been depressed since pregnancy. I have tried talking to his mother. I want someone to understand what I have been put through (my mother no longer around). I am finding it hard to find some space even to think about what went on in the relationship, let alone work on what to do next.
Any advice

michelle12 Wed 04-Nov-09 19:51:33

I have two kids - twins
and it looks like im going through my third major break up.

You will be fine I can promise you that. and so will life on your own, when the hurt stops you really will enjoy your life

trust me, im here again, and my heart is breaking for the man I thought was going to be my kids dad and the one!

Hugs, let me know if you want to talk

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 19:52:32


welcome to the fun & games that is MN!

do you ahve any support networks at all - HV/friends etc etc.

Don't worry about thinking things out at the minute. how long ago was the break up?

i'm sure someone will come along shortly with some better advice. x

mrsboogie Wed 04-Nov-09 19:58:03

You must get yourself immediately to your GP to be assessed for PND or depression. Ask about counselling. In the meantime there are lots of people on here who have been through similar and who will be able to advise you.

Please be strong - there is light at the end of the tunnel - you just need some help to see it

Awhowcutewhentheysleep Wed 04-Nov-09 20:44:59

I've been there, stillkinda going through it but you are definately not alone. The kids are the easy bit to cope with, my youngest is 21 months also and oldest 7years.And they are happy on now he's gone because I'm more relaxed.

Be strong and you will come through it. I've only just signed upmyself for help as my ex changed tactics. your not alone.I've found that in about half hour of being on here.

kisses to you and kids xxx

alonely Wed 04-Nov-09 20:52:41

Well it was ending and starting again when I was pregnant and basically continued. Very long story but he never properly moved in with me when I got pregnant. He kept council flat and life on the dole and now lives in house his mother bought him and still signs on. He kept going and coming back. Has me on a knife edge over whether he is going to help with son in extremis

I work, pay rent, pay childminder, etc.

I am either very angry (think of call to benefits agency (again) to say he is mucking about when he says he is incapable of work (I think he gets some sort of sickness benefit). Think of CSA (I'd get the minimum of £5) or trying to work out if I could force him to sell house to get money for son or out of spite.

Then get very tearful, think about how we could make a go of it if only he sorted himself out. I split up with D's father when she was 10 weeks so know misery and difficulty of being on your own.

I just don't know where to turn and am being rubbish at looking after kids, being good mum, doing housework etc.

Awhowcutewhentheysleep Wed 04-Nov-09 21:03:43

I had same re living situation but he worked not me. didn't want me working cos I'd see people etc etc.

Call benefits! Tell them everything and then call CSA. If house in his name you can have something from him. harder if in mum's name. But the law has changed and can have passports revoked and even prison sentences for CSA dodgers.

Honey,he will never ever change. If you walk he willpromise everything but go back to normal in weeks. I've danced that dance for 5 years.

housework unimportant, kids need to see you love them. I live for mine only now. You're worthmore than he is giving.


alonely Wed 04-Nov-09 21:24:12

Hi, again awhowcute ...
Don't know if you are supposed to do this and ask another poster a direct question but how does CSA work re assets other than income. do you know?

am worried about being so vengeful, as well as wanted to kick him hard in the metaphorical balls.
I wish I'd had some fabulous stand up argument at the time, but too cowardly at the time and too scared of him leaving me holding the baby.

Bit of me wants to leave the baby with him with no money etc and then see how he gets on. Which isn't fair, but also sometimes find it hard to love his S when he is being such a pig.

Awhowcutewhentheysleep Wed 04-Nov-09 21:41:30

Oh honey my heart goes out to you.

Its a bit of a grey area with assets. It depends on what they own. Benefits can refuse to pay you if you own a house and can force you to sell or use savings. CSA is updating day by day. My eldests dad refused to pay when working and denied she was his (funny how she's his when he wants access). But they take it forcably from his wages now and they will take it from yours benfits if they can't get it any other way. He will have topay at least £5 per week either way. And if he has never paid for him sincebirth or lived with you (cash in hand doesn't count can't be proved) you can claim right back til then.

I know its hard re: kids and you want to scream because its you who has the weight on your shoulders, but he's yours as much as his. I did feel the same but looking into their eyestakes that away. I hold my head up and am so proud I'mdoing it alone.

He can never take that away fromme and my kids and the same for you. Your babies will thankyou for it when they are older and see what an arse he is.

It won't be easy but you're not alone. Kick him in the balls. My heart used to ache everytime I thought about hurting mine where it hurts but he never thought twicxe about doingit to me. He mademe someone I dislikedso I kicked for that reason

Hurt him formaking you hate yourself and question yourself asamother. NEVER doubt yourself as a mummy. You obviously love your children so stay strong and fight for their sake


alonely Wed 04-Nov-09 22:00:27

Thank you awhowcute...

sometimes you think you are living in alice through the looking glass and every shred of decency you might have expected has been destroyed.

Just can't understand how someone can be so stupid and think they can just walk away from child they have created. Guess I just never got the hang of men.

xxxx and hope whatever is happening to you is on the way to getting better.

Awhowcutewhentheysleep Wed 04-Nov-09 22:10:06

Its getting there slowly.

Just have to be strong and I think that applies to both of us.

They never think of anything but themselves. Although there are some decent ones out there you just have to look extra hard.

Be strong and he'll never destroy you. You are 300 times the person he thinks he is


Awhowcutewhentheysleep Thu 05-Nov-09 17:55:04

Are you feeling any better today?xx

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