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Please please please, I feel as though I am going mad - can anyone bend an ear?

(11 Posts)
silentcatastrophe Wed 04-Nov-09 16:13:31

I'm not completely reeling any more, but I'm not in a good place either. My brother has recently been staying nearby, having travelled about 200 miles to get there. Despite saying he would like to see where we lived and was looking forward to seeing us, he made no contact whatsoever, and went on as though we did not exist.

I guess the sore bit is that it brings up a lot of very uncomfortable family issues, and it is very unpleasant to say the least that I have a brother who really could not give a shit about me. Why have I bothered wasting my breath talking to him, ever then, I wonder?

My father has something wrong with his brain, probably some kind of personality disorder. My mother is now demented.

I recently learned that my father really hated and resented me after my elder brother died when I was 18 months old. This has never really diminished./

I feel very sad that in truth I have lost 2 brothers, one through death and another through insanity. It is the latter that I am having problems letting go of. I am rather suspecting that this mad brother has similar difficulties to my father.

MorrisZapp Wed 04-Nov-09 16:22:12

Is this the brother with the wife who hears voices? The post sounds similar.

Does your brother have mental health issues of his own? Maybe that is why he didn't come to see you?

Or is it his wife who had discouraged him, sorry if I have got this confused. Were you close to your brother in the past?

silentcatastrophe Wed 04-Nov-09 17:04:52

Yes it is. It think I posted in the wrong place before...

I think my brother does have mental health issues. He has never sought help for them despite being advised by family and his (barmy) wife that he should. His wife also refuses any help whatsoever although her behaviour is pretty weird.

I am just finding it really hard to not allow my brother to get to me, and hard to accept that I barely exist to him.

After all that has gone before, it's like a very very nasty blast from the past.

Yes, we did get on once.

silentcatastrophe Wed 04-Nov-09 20:38:08


CarGirl Wed 04-Nov-09 20:46:42

I think it is much harder to accept the end of relationship with someone when they are still alive than if they were dead. He is choosing to end this relationship.

Perhaps you have to try and focus on the fact that it is the illness that is robbing you of your brother rather than it being his choice IYSWIM. Doesn't stop it hurting but it's nothing you've done, you haven't failed at being a sister it is the devasting consequence of his mental health.

silentcatastrophe Thu 05-Nov-09 08:58:01

Thank you for pointing that out, CarGirl. I hadn't thought of it like that. My brother's relationship with alcohol is not good either. I guess it boils down to expectations, and I think I expect people to take responsibility for their own lives. My brother does not.

It is very sad that our relationship has deteriorated. My behaviour when I am with my parental family deteriorates too. My mum says that really I am only safe to keep well away from her and my dad at their home so I do.

Anyway, day 4 of a fag free life. Cigarettes are a poor substitute for relationships, and I have a fantastic husband and children.

diddl Thu 05-Nov-09 09:38:52

But has your brother also been busy with your parents/his wife & thinking that they need him more than you so has put you aside for the moment,iyswim, or is he actually snubbing/ignoring you?

silentcatastrophe Thu 05-Nov-09 10:19:57

Yes, he is deliberately ignoring me.

silentcatastrophe Thu 05-Nov-09 17:26:58

I am feeling lonely and depressed in ways that I have not felt for years and years. Yuck it's awful. I so hope it passes soon. It is no fun being blanked by your family. I have been working with my other brother to try to ensure my mother who has dementia gets the right care. It's been so stressful and pretty awful. Her doctor said they would set the Court of Protection in motion if she did not start getting help.

My other brother lives near my parents and does a lot to make sure Mum eats and takes her pills. He is under a lot of pressure from my father who manipulates and controls things for his own ends.

He has recognised that I have done a lot to get the ball rolling which I appreciate. I just feel at the end of my tether with all this other rubbish. It was a battle to get my brother to the memory clinic. My father did not want him to go, and does not want any of his children to know what is going on with their mother.

So... this business with my other brother is just like the icing on the cake.

3littlefrogs Thu 05-Nov-09 17:31:18

Silent - you have to walk away from them for a little while at least. This is not your fault - it is their mental health problems that are the root of the problem.

I think couselling would help you. Have you asked your GP for help?

silentcatastrophe Thu 05-Nov-09 17:46:28

I have asked my gp for help. He suggested I take more antidepressants. I think some councelling would help too. I seem to spend my life lurching from one crisis to another, and seem to have spent my entire adult life talking to someone trying to unravel this unholy mess.

I only finished one lot of councelling a couple of months ago (the consellor left), and I felt a lot better and more able to cope on my own. I guess the thing is about money as much as other things. It's so bloody expensive talking to someone. There are NO psychologists in the county. Not NHS ones anyway.

Thank you for your kind words.

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