Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Advice needed asap pls

(21 Posts)
happyhippy33 Tue 03-Nov-09 21:53:43

Started a relationship with an old friend of mine, known him for bout 6yrs, started going for coffeess more and things escalated, even tho i convinced myself i didnt want a relationship with him, i ended up fallin for him in a big way.
SO it was all go, we decided that we could look at moving in together mid 2010, i was eager for sooner until his 2 children, girl, 13, boy, 9, startd showing their true colors, they live with him full time, their mum who was also an old friend of mine cheatd on their dad, had another kid and doesnt even ring them r answer their calls/texts, i can understand these kids r in need of love and support and i gave them this, helped them out with lots of things, made them welcome in my home i have with my 3 yr old girl. i hasten to add it is a poky 2 bed flat. so as they started stayin more i couldnt handle the kids behavior, they broke my daughters table, my tv, my iron, clothes horse, stained my carpets, and the worst thing was when the 9yr old messed his pants, didnt say anything til 2 hrs later someone wanted to use the loo and there was poo covering the entire outside at the front of my toilet, i am a clean freak, i admit that but these kids still wet the bed. is this normal? i know when i was 9 i certainly was not wetting the bed, and as for being 13 and still doin it?? r they just lazy?
the house they live in is awful, just awful, stinkin, pit, i have helpd them clean and tidy and start to decorate the place, i had a sofa delivered there for us, 25 quid a mth for the nxt 4yrs, but i dont know if its rigt to move in wi them, the school have contacted social services due to their behavior and most days he doesnt even wake til they have left for school, he hits them but in a way i can understand why cos they have trashed classrooms and ben real tearaways, it embarrassing cos ive even gone up the school with him and sat and spoke to the teachers, i just feel like this is not my world.
me and my little girl have been by ourselves since the say i found out i was pregnant til now and i love our little life together and im havin serious doubts to this relationship....any advice??!!please

MavisEnderby Tue 03-Nov-09 21:57:25

To be quite frank given your description I would run for the hills!


DuelingFanjo Tue 03-Nov-09 21:57:31

You need to go to social services and tell them this man is beating his children and that they are being neglected.

Do NOT move in with this man, he is clearly not the kind of person any sane woman would have a relationshio with.

MavisEnderby Tue 03-Nov-09 21:59:23

yes poor children sound quite disturbed.

MsHighwater Tue 03-Nov-09 22:00:56

I don't know about the relationship but it sounds to me like you are NOT ready to move in. Do you really mean that he hits them? If so, this is not something about which you should be saying "in a way I can understand why".

You say that the children have "shown their true colours" and imply that it is their behaviour that is giving you pause. What about him? What are his true colours if he hits his children. Does it not occur to you that children who live full time with a father who hits them and who keeps his house like "an awful stinking pit" maybe should not be held entirely at fault if their behaviour is poor?

ineedalifelaundry Tue 03-Nov-09 22:03:21


I'm not surprised you're having doubts.

It was the bit about him hitting his kids that did it for me.

What if you all moved in together and he decided to hit your little girl when she does something naughty? Would that be okay?

ABitHalloweenBatty Tue 03-Nov-09 22:03:46

He sounds a right catch hmm why would you even consider moving in with him? It's laughable!

ineedalifelaundry Tue 03-Nov-09 22:06:38

By the way, 13 year olds don't wet the beds because they're lazy, they do it because they're seriously emotionally disturbed. And given the description of the life they have with this man, I'm not surprised.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 03-Nov-09 22:09:44

He is totally neglecting these children and letting them run wild. He's in dire need of some tough love from the social services, never mind a girlfriend. Run away, run away!

ineedalifelaundry Tue 03-Nov-09 22:11:26

Just noticed that he doesn't even bother to get out of bed to see his children off to school in the morning. And you wonder why they are "real tearaways"! What exactly do you see in this man???

ABitHalloweenBatty Tue 03-Nov-09 22:13:18

I think it's baloney. Who would be attracted to someone like this?

Doha Tue 03-Nov-09 22:16:50

Those poor kids have not had a good start to life have they

Ignored by their mother and beaten by their father. They need help--professional help--to get away from this man and start to recover. Their behaviour is probably a reaction to all the stress in their young lives, perhaps they have not been taught "proper" behaviour.

If l was you l would be in no rush to move in with this man - he sounds lovely NOT sad
In fact l would reprt him to SS and run to the hills with my DD

Servalan Tue 03-Nov-09 23:40:24

Those poor, poor kids

Totally agree with what has been said before. There is a reason that these children are like this. I wouldn't want my daughter being brought up by this man.

abbierhodes Tue 03-Nov-09 23:52:48

My God, do not take your daughter into this situation. Are you mad?

And if I was beaten and neglected and ignored, I'd probably wet the bed too.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak Tue 03-Nov-09 23:53:23

you are either a troll or VERY STUPID.

Booooooooooyhoo Wed 04-Nov-09 00:02:38

cant believe you are considering moveing your little girl into a filthy house with a man who beats his children.

you know the answer to this.

those poor children, no wonder they wet the bed. its well known that children who are abused often wet the bed.

hatesponge Wed 04-Nov-09 00:03:45

Agree with CF - either this is all complete troll-y BS or you are quite mad.

Why would any rational, caring person be in a relationship with someone who neglects and hits his children, and seems to think thats acceptable?

If this is true I pity those poor children who seem to have no-one that gives a fuck about them

Booooooooooyhoo Wed 04-Nov-09 00:07:16

i get up with my son everyday, wash him, dress him and give him a good healthy breakfast before walking him to school whilst discussing anything thats on his mind or just simply chatting. i dont hit him. he doesnt wet the bed and has never been described as a tear away and we have never had any dealings with social services. he is a well behaved, emotionally stable child.

your post has made me very cross. i hope this isnt real.

purpleduck Wed 04-Nov-09 00:10:11

It sounds like you are ticked off at the kids because the house is a stinking pit...


He sounds like a pathetic waste of skin, and you don't sound like you have an ounce of compassion in you for those poor children. Very bad combination for those children. For their sake, stay away.

Although perhaps you could find it in yourself to call someone that may care for, and help these children?
Just a thought.


macdoodle Wed 04-Nov-09 06:51:45

Or bitch from hell without an ounce of compassion angry
Or stupid as fuck without a clue of normal life hmm

My vote for troll !

QueenOfHearts22 Wed 04-Nov-09 07:07:14

A) He allows his children to continue living in a home so filthy that they find it normal to live amongst their own bodily excrement and fluids.

B) He not only allows this but exacerbates the problem of their unstable mental health by acting violently towards them.

C) He is violent, abusive and neglectful to his own children, and is now living with yours.

Are the alarm bells ringing yet? I would call Social Services as those poor children sound like they are living in hell. That is a human reaction. You also need to get rid of him. What about your daughter?!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now