Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Telling my best friend why?

(6 Posts)
ShanBrod Tue 03-Nov-09 02:10:59

I have very sadly cut my now X best friend from my facebook list,this woman was my bridesmaid at my wedding only 12 months ago but did some things that deeply hurt me after and i just let it all out to her on how i felt and why she upset me and now shes gone totally cold and only gives fake friendship vibes,a few weeks later i told her i was sorry and can we talk to which she was cold and unreceptive to salvaging our once very close friendship(which is how i feel) which has only left me hanging with alot of unanswered questions as to why but i know im not going to get a truthful answer from her. I've had to deleted her from my facebook frineds as i find that the frindship is just not there on her behalf and its only prolonging my emotional upset over the friendship so think its best to just move on without her in my life and for her as it seems she didn't feel the same as me.

I have recently been asked by another mutural friend of ours from X BF why i "cut" bestfriend from my list as she had mentioned it and I really think i should tell xBF why but in a nice way thats not attacking or cold like she has been. Im not even fussed if she responds but just need to get my feelings across.

Any help on how to word this to her??

choosyfloosy Tue 03-Nov-09 02:36:16

well... if you want to tell her (again) that's one thing; but telling a mutual friend all the details... that doesn't sound right.

Maybe just write to her and say that your friend asked you about it, that you didn't talk to her about it but that you have felt hurt since X, Y, Z happened and you would rather not feel hurt that way again.

But bear in mind that your previous friend did not ask you for information herself.

OrdinarySAHM Tue 03-Nov-09 13:05:43

I've just had the experience of "letting it all out" to a close friend and lost her too.

Sorry, I don't really have any useful advice, just wanted to say I sympathise.

I'm thinking was letting it all out the wrong way to let her know I was upset or should I have found a 'gentler' way to talk about it? Was the strength of my reaction just too much to take and move on from?

Or can some people just find it too hard to take criticism and would rather end the friendship than talk about it and find ways to resolve it?

Are you thinking these things too?

GroundhogsRocketScientist Tue 03-Nov-09 20:49:36

Your mutual friend is digging for gossip, don't do or say anything.

If your exbf wants to know (again) all the things she did to hurt you, she'll find a way to ask.

I cut my BF when I got married, she turned out to be an utter psycho. I don't regret cutting her out of my life, she was a lot of hard work, and the one and only time I asked for her support, she utterly bailed.

ShanBrod Tue 03-Nov-09 23:46:49

I can totally relate to all posts here, Xbf is very self absorbed and can't take criticism of herself well but would freely give it to others and when confronted give a very vague look and play all remorseful and that she had no idea which totally did my head in. Shes a strong personality and me the weaker one so i've alway just gone along with it but had enough and told her to which i think she got a BIG wake up call. She said she couldn't talk as i had really hurt her and she was "working things out" on what she was willing to accept in our friendship but she thought it was best we email(this is how she communicates alot due to her job &everyday life)but i just don't feel that a friendship can be salvaged or problems solved by having an email friendship like she wants(once again her termshmm)

OrdinarySAHM Wed 04-Nov-09 09:13:23

Aha Shanbrod, someone said to me on another thread that my friend may have treated me a certain way because I always took it without saying anything too. And like you said, when I eventually did say something it shocked her. Also, similar to you, she is now too hurt by me to want to talk to me. It is frustrating that I have to end up feeling guilty when she was the one who upset me in the first place!

Is it our 'faults' for not saying anything and letting our negative feelings build up? My therapist used to say to me, about a different thing, that it wasn't my responsibility to do things to prevent someone from doing wrong things, it was their responsibility to behave correctly.

I'm fairly confused at the moment though so my 'advice' may be bollocks!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now