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What can I do for DH, if anything?

(7 Posts)
chasingcars Mon 02-Nov-09 21:42:27

I'll try keep this as short as possible.

Many years ago, when DH was 2, BIL (who is 15 years older, 17 at the time this happened) was accused of molesting a child whilst babysitting. It went to court, and all charges were dropped, the childs mother admitted she blew things out of proportion (can't go into details incase outed). BIL has been plagued with this since then, moved out of the area soon after as he was always getting abuse and beaten up, and when he visits, doesn't leave IL's house except to go home.

Because of this, DH has "problems" with boundries with our DC. He won't bath them when they are older than 2 years, won't change nappies from 1 and certainly won't take them into public toilets. Crunch came when we were out on Saturday at an extremely busy Halloween event, an DH wouldn't take Dneice to the mens toilet, even though there was no queue there and the queue for the ladies was long (we queued for 20 minutes).

I feel this is always hanging in the back of his mind, that because of what happened to his brother might happen to him. He is a very caring man, loves his DC, but is always weary of how much he kisses his kids, won't hol our oldest dcs hand when we're out, even though he is 6.

Is there any way he can get past this? I've tried talking to him, telling him that he isn't being judged off the back of his brother, but he just can't see it.

MrsMalcolmTucker Mon 02-Nov-09 23:19:35

Hi - this is so sad for you all. I don't have any constructive advice I'm afraid -sorry. I am bumping it in case someone else can help.

HuwEdwards Mon 02-Nov-09 23:26:08

oh crikey, what a situation. I too have no advice/experience but bumping for you.

chasingcars Tue 03-Nov-09 13:00:29

Thanks both of you.

Just giving it one last bump.

AccioPinotGrigio Tue 03-Nov-09 14:11:37

How terribly sad. It must be a constant worry for him. Has he ever talked about it to anybody - a professional I mean, therapist or counsellor?

hairtwiddler Tue 03-Nov-09 14:18:08

That's so sad... bumping for you too. I also think it would help to have some professional help with this. He's missing out on so much, poor man.

onebatmother Tue 03-Nov-09 14:43:35

How awful for you all. I agree that counselling would be a really good idea - it sounds as though this is poisoning his relationship for his kids and making it hard for him ever to be unselfconscious with them.

They will perhaps read that as rejection - perhaps you could put it that way to him, so that he feels that he needs to overcome it for their sakes'?

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