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Why won't be just let me be

(3 Posts)
whywontheleavemealone Mon 02-Nov-09 13:47:48

Spot of name-changing going on here, apologies.

So, I used to go out with this man, we went out for years, was really serious - we both thought that the other was "The One". I then moved, and he was supposed to follow , but didn't. We broke up, and it was terrible. I felt like I had lost a limb, and it took me ages to get over him. Bless him, he didn't help. Just as I was getting a place where I felt happier and nearly over him, he would phone, or send an email or something, and it would set me right back. We were friends on FB (his invitation), I unadded him, he then asked what had happened and added me again, that kind of thing. Anyway, eventually I got to a point where I could cope, and then met someone else, and it is going wonderfully.
Just after new guy and I started going out and ex found out, ex phoned me (first time in years), to say he was coming to my town for something, could he meet up with me so I could help him with something. I tried to be diplomatic, told new man about this, and in the end ex cancelled. Then, today, out of the blue he phones me to tell me he's been in an accident (he cycles a lot, this used to happen ALL the time) and wanted to have a chat.

We never really spoke about stuff after we broke up, and have only seen each other once since. If I am being totally honest, part of me is still in love with him but it's over, I have a wonderful new man who really cares for me and I do not want to mess it up. Why does he keep on doing this? (oh, and he started his story of how he got injured with "I was cycling to my GF's house ...")

WhenwillIfeelnormal Mon 02-Nov-09 14:05:30

In answer to your question, I'm afraid it's as simple as this. He doesn't want you, but the moment someone else might, he's interested again. Be brave and tell him that there was obviously a reason why it didn't work out last time, that you know you can be very happy with your new boyfriend and that you suggest likewise that he commits to his girlfriend. I think when in touch with him again, it'd be worth asking whether his girlfriend knows he's been in touch with you....but I guess we all know the answer to that.

And if you really want to get over him properly and see where your new relationship leads, I'd suggest you block him from Facebook and change your number. Because there's obviously a bit of you that is secretly delighted at his renewed interest and that doesn't seem fair to your new man.

If your relationships don't work out - and he moves heaven and high water to find you again, then maybe this relationship has a chance. But I would try to detach myself if I were you from all this "the one that got away" stuff, because ultimately, he still hasn't really grown up and is still hedging his bets.

EcoMouse Mon 02-Nov-09 23:53:48

If you recognise that 'part of you is still in love with him' then you are playing a dangerous game by involving yourself with him on any level or allowing him to involve himself with you.

You told new man about your intended meeting with X but you didn't tell him the full story. That's not diplomacy, it's deceit.

I think you need to be more firm (with him and yourself), take the situation in hand and cut ties, allow yourself the freedom of moving on fully.

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