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My head is going to explode(3 Posts)
I feel like Im at the beginning of the end.....
I have been having pd theraphy for childhood EA and eating disorder and whilst exploring that have been realising that the marriage I have is a kind of sham..
For one, if I am as disturbed as I seem to be by my past, how could I have used the right judgement when marrying my H?
I guess deep down I ahve always realised that everything is not perfect between my H and I. He is a very aggressive, over reacting childish man, towards me, mostly. I try to justify his behaviour towards me because we have had an awful lot of stress in our live together ( and apart) I look at his family that have treated me appalingly and think how can someone good have come out of that?
I realise that he needs help but he wont admit that anything is wrong or that he has had anything apart from a wonderful upbringing ( I know this s not true)
He calls me appaling names, goes beserk if the house is less than sparkling, nuts if things are not in the place he left them,
it is extrmely hard for me to keep on top of everything with two young kids but I try really hard so as to please him ( i do realise how awful that sounds)
Im finding myself looking around at other people and wondering what it would be like to not live like this anymore and to feel happy alot more then I think of money and the kids and how I could not bear for them to come from a broken home ( all the things I wanted to avoid for them) and then I wonder if Im being silly and doing thegrass is greener thing....
I have tried talking to my H over and over again, he wont listen . He say it is me and that I belittle him and make him feel useless, and I will admit that doing things with the kids all day everyday and running a house its hard not to say ' do it like that, it will be quicker/less messy etc but I am not trying to belittle him iyswim
I feel at my wits end, I cant go on like this I cant keep letting the children seeing the obvious lack of love between us and the quesitons of why daddy isnt saying goodbye to me as well when he leaves for work..
Its heartbreaking and I dont know which way to turn, couldnt stand all the I told you so's from his family if we split, the fact I would have to share my children with him ( and his family) a new woman in their life ( at some point) and the fact that I have absolutley no money to support myself and the kids and moving to somewhere we would have no choice over etc from the nice place we live now.
Sorry for my ramblings, I feel like the clock is ticking. I will talk to my therepist tomorrow but I need some hand holding now.
What a mess.....
Oh Gravity, it does sound hard. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist.
You're looking at all these worse case scenarios down the line. One step at a time. It's definitely doable to leave a man like this - lots of stories on here about people who have done it.
The beginning of the end is a painful stage, but this is a time of great potential. You don't have to live this way. You can do better for your dc. Keep going with the therapy so you can get your head clear.
What an awful situation for you to be in. Having to weigh up the cost of both staying and going on your children.
I don't think you should even think about what anyone else would say, if your ILs say anything, so what? You don't sound as though you like them anyway, so their opinion shouldn't sway you.
It does sound worrying that your DH is using any mental health probs you might have as a weapon against you. He sounds very controlling, but how he decides to behave is his own responsibility and not yours.
I don't know how long you've been together, but perhaps you could put a time limit to see if anything improves by? At least if you decide to go in the end, you'd know in your heart that you'd given it a chance and it wasn't a spur of the moment decision.
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