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DH is actually starting to really get to me now. grr.

(58 Posts)
PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 01-Nov-09 13:07:47

He has been in a pissy mood for days. Just sniping, moaning, sarcastic, misinterpreting things deliberately.

Todays most recent:

DD spills coffee over the floor after bouncing on the bed, despite being asked not to, then runs around like a loon.
Me: I am going to take her out i think, she needs to run
DH: you? not 'us'?
me: we can all go?
DH: why, thanks for including me, you said 'i', you were not intending on asking me
Me: i did not mean anything by it, just that DD needs to go out
DH: i know what you meant.

Then. DH is at the computer. Earlier, about 3 or 4 c onversations prior to now, we were talking about a letter i am writing for a court case. Now, from the front room (after he tells me he does not want lunch with me and DD).
DH (yelling): how do you submit digital media?
me: what do you mean?
DH: what do you mean, 'what do i mean'?
me: what digital media are you submitting, and to who?'
dh: you don't know what digitial media is? Are you deliberately being awkward?
Me: i do not know the context
dh: ffs, the courts, obviously. How do we send digital media to the COURTS?
me: why do you want to send digital media, what are we sending?
DH: FFS! Photos!
me: we need to print them.
dh: you know that do you? No, you don't.
me: I do not know how to send them, whether they want it in hard copy or by email or on disk
dh: finally, you DON"T KNOW, why did you not just say that? I don;t know husband, i don;t know, what is that you don't know, ok dear you don;t know.
me: don;t be so horrible
dh: horrible. You treat me like i am asking a stupid question, treat me like an idiot. YOU are being nasty.

I just have absolutely no clue what is up with him. What on earth is this all about?

And now, he told DD she cannot play a computer game as she went on the computer earlier when he said no. But he did not say to her that the sanction would be no computer. He just turned off her tv programme as he wants to watch gp. Fine, he is the adult, but he just turns it over and when she got upset, he acted sulky 'you been watching it all morning, its my turn'. Like a child.

angry <pulls hair out>

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 01-Nov-09 13:08:49

And he does not even want to come out with us, as he is watching gp! but now, if i go, he will moan that we don't want to do anything with him.

cheeseandeyeballsarnie Sun 01-Nov-09 13:11:39

sounds like every day in our house.i think we 'misunderstand' each other.

bigchris Sun 01-Nov-09 13:15:55

I think you need to say 'excuse me can a have a word' away from dd
then tell him you and dd are going out and does he want to go
and then just go
dont get inti hismoodiness ignore it, be polite and dont rise to his bait
i saw your other thread
cant remember if he is depressed?

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 01-Nov-09 13:18:34

depressed? Maybe? fucking annoying when i could do with some calmness. absolutely.

I have, to be honest. Had Enough.

bigchris Sun 01-Nov-09 13:20:51

maybe you need to be clear with him ' either cheer up or perhaps we should have a break?'

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 01-Nov-09 13:23:33

a break. Hmmm - I give birth to our second child in 2 weeks or less!

I don't want a break, i want him to stop being an arse. I also would quite like him out from under my feet all the time to be honest.

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 01-Nov-09 13:24:21

unfortunately, difficult to 'rise above' and be polite. As he takes that as 'me being cold'

Ronaldinhio Sun 01-Nov-09 13:25:04

have you asked him if he's on his period?

what about just stopping him when he's acting like a twat and saying
"just what are you doing right now? what exactly are you doing?"

sometimes if you make him think about how he's behaving there and then he will be able to better express what the problem is

my husband has used this technique on my when I've been a total wanker and it quickly reminds me that stress, work, tiredness should not equal making everyone else's life a living sarcastic nightmare

clam Sun 01-Nov-09 13:31:47

I would say to my DH something along the lines of "I don't know where you got the idea that it's OK to speak to me like that but I will not put up with it. Either you speak to me nicely, or not at all. Now, I am going out with DD. Would you like to come? No? See you later, then."

FreeTheGuidoOne Sun 01-Nov-09 13:33:26

Another child due imminently?

He sounds stressed tbh. It's utterly unfair and annoying but something's getting to him. Could you have a meal together or something and ask him if there's something he'd like to talk about. Worries? Concerns?

If this isn't what he's usually like and it's clearly irrational then there is something behind it.

bigchris Sun 01-Nov-09 13:35:45

is he unemployed too? he sounds very unhappy but it's not fair taking it out in you and dd
he should be taking her out while you put your feet up

lazyemma Sun 01-Nov-09 15:57:20

do you not think it's a bit... odd to be cataloguing and posting on the internet every minor disagreement you have with your partner? If he's been in a pissy mood for days, perhaps you could try to find out what's behind it, by, I dunno, talking to him or something crazy like that.

ilovemydogandmrobama Sun 01-Nov-09 16:14:45

Think it's hard copy, but you aren't expected to compile all the evidence now anyway.

TrinityHasAVampireRhino Sun 01-Nov-09 16:18:10

take a tiny moment to think about how you would feel if he died

not trying to be combative just it may help gain perspective or see differently

good luck

Jeroboam Sun 01-Nov-09 16:20:21

Blimey - that sounds like a lot of bickering. Life's too short to bicker all the time, esp in front of your dc. Talk to him. Sounds like you are both seriously stressed.

Good luck.

thumbscrewwitch Sun 01-Nov-09 16:22:22

sounds a bit stressed and depressed - has the court thingy anything to do with it? or, as others have said, his employment situation/ the imminent arrival of no. 2?

forgive me too but are you a tad hormonally over-sensitive as well? Although his reactions do seem a bit overly-snippy (sound like me when I'm in a bad mood, if I'm honest) - perhaps he's just feeling a bit left out and unloved for some reason (NOT that it's an excuse, it's bad behaviour and I shouldn't do it either) - so have a chat with him and ask him why he's giving you a hard time when you should be taking it easy.

Remind him as well that a calm environment pre-delivery can help produce a calm baby (no statistical back up for this I'm sure, but give it a go anyway!grin)

GrendelsMum Sun 01-Nov-09 16:22:34

Look, you've both had an awful time with the building works, the court case and the little one due soon - it's not surprising you're both horribly stressed and snappy. It would be a miracle if you were both saint-like throughout. In fact, if he's only just started getting on your nerves with all that's been going on lately, it's probably a sign that you have an incredibly good relationship.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 01-Nov-09 16:23:46

DH is like this when he is stressed about something else. So am I. It is horrible, but rising to it just starts off a positive feedback loop. I find it most effective to make soothing noises or just ignore until I get to the bottom of it. However, in your advanced state of pregnancy, I can see that you'd rather not have to deal with it at all...

nikki1978 Sun 01-Nov-09 16:27:19

IMO he is pissed off about something or with you possibly and is picking fights wherever he can. Whenever DH gets like this I know that the real reason he is pissed off will come out eventually so I just keep asking nicely what the matter is and he will usually tell me in the end.

megglewell Sun 01-Nov-09 17:47:15

Unfortunately the more you love someone the more they can wind you up. Ride the storm Pavlov!

bergentulip Sun 01-Nov-09 18:05:05

when my DH behaves like that, he's been like that three/four times in the 7yrs we've been together, it's been because there is something on his mind - I assumed I'd done something, I had not.

HE was either worried about something, feeling miserable or some other thing. It takes two days of me asking what the hell is the matter and what's his problem,.... and then me getting upset, until he EVENTUALLY bothers to tell me what the problem is.

Hour later - all fine - happy families.
Jeez.

You may need to force it out of him, but clearly he's bothered by something so demand a conversation,.... if you ask me

Mummee Sun 01-Nov-09 19:13:44

Lazyemma my sentiments exactly!

A lot of people moan as if theirs other halves are generally badly behaved all the time. If it's one off or minor I don't really know why people make such a big fuss.

I'd like to see more posts on when women behave like moody cows and are horrible to kids and other halves...I think there are none of those here as it appears they are all perfect LOL

Very much tongue in cheek!

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 01-Nov-09 19:42:00

I think I know what it is really. Just do not know how to handle it any more.

He got knocked back for a job that he put his heart into getting, for the third time for same company after they asked him again to apply. He feels useless and stupid. And I try to assure him this is not the case, I point out all the good things he does, the skills he has, and how he could not have possibly tried harder to get this job, it was not his fault. But, the moods are just so difficult to manage and the fights, well make me wonder 'is it me?' 'am I imagining it?' 'have I done something terribly wrong?' and wrack my brains.
trinity i have actually stopped to think about what I would do without him. When someone posted about having a break. It did not really register as an option, I would not want him in my life. I would be devestated if he was not here with us, not just being here but being here as as my husband, and as the father of my children. I try to remind myself of this when it gets tough and that we just need to ride it out.

lazyemma I do not consider it odd, no, or else I would not post. I am not 'cateloging' rather explaining my feelings. As many people know, often the very fact of writing something down and knowing others can read it can help the process of sorting and understanding. Many of those who have posted here on this thread have supported me through other difficulties, so this thread is not out of the blue, i should think. I appreciate the advice and suggestions of strangers, as often, those close are unable to be as objective and help me see things with the same clarity. So no, once again. I don't find it odd. And, surprisingly, I have tried talking to my DH We have been together for 12 years. We would not be this far into our relationship without talking. Sometimes, talking is not enough to resolve matters.

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 01-Nov-09 19:46:20

mummee - I did not post this in AIBU. Your post is not helpful.

I am not expecting everyone to say 'oh poor you, how bad of your DH', but certainly some tact in anything that I should take on board could be considered.

I have enough of the 'tongue in cheek' and sarcasticness here in my rl thanks.

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