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he has left again and my heart has broken

(8 Posts)
Eve34 Sat 31-Oct-09 16:07:49

I don't really know why I am typing, but some of you will know me from several past threads and I want some hand holding I guess.

Long story short DP has always lived a rather independent life, left in the summer met someone else came back Aug and we have been trying to get things back on track. We have DS - 3yrs.

Thursday night he told me he is fed up with everything that nothing has changed.

In my heart I knew this was coming, he is right nothing has changed he is the same selfish imature T$£% he always was. I have tried to hard to make things work but to no avail.

Again I am here heart broken, why can't he try to work with me on this, why does he keep running away - he is back tomorrow to talk!

What do I say? I know I should have the courage to actually call it a day, but I don't want that, I want us to keep trying, but I can't take this anymore.

So kind MN send me a hug and strength to do the right thing and face a new life on my own.... xx

Besom Sat 31-Oct-09 16:19:58

Eve, I'm so sorry for you. You have to protect yourself here and take back some of the control. You can't force him to change and if he hasn't made any compromises with you he isn't going to suddenly start doing that. You can try all you like but it doesn't sound as if he has the emotional maturity to sustain a relationship with you.

You will be OK and in time you'll wonder why you bothered for so long. Hope you're OK X

WhenwillIfeelnormal Sat 31-Oct-09 16:30:35

Oh Eve. I am so sorry. An enormous hug. You always come across as such a lovely woman and I know how hard you've tried.

I guess you assume "Donna" is still in the picture?

I urge you to get tough but in the short term, please act tough. Tell him if he stays away now, it really is over. Your mental health is more important than this relationship Eve. I know you love him, but he has never, ever really atoned for treating you like shit and lying to you about why he left in the Spring.

I honestly don't think this man loves you enough. I know that's horrible to reconcile with what you want, but it's what I see screaming out from all your posts.

And Eve, someone else WILL love you very much indeed - and your DS. You might not be able to see it now and might not want that yet, but believe me it's true. Another man will scratch his head in amazement that your H was stupid enough to let you go - and will celebrate his own good fortune.

Please show some strength and call time on this man, who has hurt you terribly, and will go on hurting you. Your esteem must be on the floor with all this and just by telling him what the future holds, you will gain some of that back.

cahu Sat 31-Oct-09 18:28:43

Eve, big hugs to you. I don't know your history but I had almost 4 years of me 'trying' when I knew he was having affair with his ex wife!!!

It started in 2004, and after him putting me through hell, I and my dc eventually moved out in 2008. He now lives with her but for the past year he has been trying to worm his way back in to my life. I would have done anything to stay together but knew I could never trust him again.

Now I see him for the person he really is and would not go back to him ever.

Be strong, no one deserves this treatment. If I can do it, you can!

Eve34 Sat 31-Oct-09 20:20:16

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I know it is time to draw the line, and I know I am not sad for 'us' but sad for our son, I don't want to 'share' him I don't want to divide his loyalties over christmas and things, he should not have to face that kind of thing.

Whenwillifeelnornmal - thank you so much for your kind words, and the other ladies it means to much and drives me on, that and the 3 year old that won't go to bed :-)

AbricotsSecs Sat 31-Oct-09 20:29:37

Message withdrawn

macdoodle Sat 31-Oct-09 21:40:05

Similar here, I found out about the OW in June 2006, he played us both for months back and forward, in the Oct he got her pregnant, and still I took him back, getting pregnant myself the following March!
My gorgeous DD2 was born xmas 2007, and finally finally in Jan 2009!! I had the courage and self belief to divorce his sorry arse!!

It is a long hard road, but I am so much happier now I dont have him continually fucking with my head!
Be kind to yourself, it takes as long as it takes!

mistressnicola Tue 03-Nov-09 21:46:36

Well done McDoodle. I find myself in a similar situation, having put up with a tom cat of a husband who comes back to our family life in between affairs. This has ruined my confidence and made me feel totally ashamed of myself, but I am finally getting it together to GET RID. Nothing is worth that amount of psyops. I just hope there will be an end to this horrible dark tunnel...

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