Is this a "normal" marriage after 7 years

[Broodymomma]

Feeling a little sorry for myself today and just wanted some opinions. DH and I though we rarely argue just seem to be in a total rut which is leaving me feeling invisible to him. We just do not talk, hardly ever. We will chat away about our ds no problem but thats about it.

He gets up in the morning, makes his breakfast, gets the laptop out and catches up on the news for about 30 min, thats akll sat in the dining room alone. Then off out to work, home and more of the same. Does evening routine with me with ds but the laptop is out and where possible he is on that and then for the rest of the evening when ds is in bed. More often than not I get so fed up I just go upstairs about 9pm.

The weekends are the worst, he just does not speak. We will say go to his mums an hour away and if i dont speak its silence all the way.

I habe spoken to him about it and told him how i feel and he just says "if you want to talk then say something, there is nothing i want to talk about so speak if you want to". I am coming to hate weekend. Its never an atmosphere and we rarely row its just really nothing. When we do chat its fine and he is always lovely its like he just does not need get though how distant he is coming across.

He has no problems chatting with other people and is a very social person it just seems to be with me.

I dont htink he is having an affair and he says he is happy in our marriage but if im honest I hate living like this. I love him and our ds its just the feeling that he sees me not even interesting enough to have a conversation with other than what our ds is up to.

So is this just marriage after 7 years or do we have a problem? Just dreading the weekend coming up 2 days of feeling ignored - great.

Any advice welcome thanks

[SweetestThing]

Has your DH always been like this, as in not initiating conversation but happy to respond if you say something first? Or is it a change that's happened since you got married?

[SausageRocket]

I have been married almost 7yrs and my marriage is not like this.

DH has a very busy, stressful job and so spends a lot of his time at home on the (sodding) Blackberry, but he is with us, in the same room and is still engaging with the family at the same time. The Blackberry thing does really frustrate me and he knows it but I'm well aware that it could be worse.

I am more of a talker than DH, admittedly, but I am not always the one to initiate conversation, I'd say the split was prob 65/35 for us.

For some couples the lack of conversation might be fine but for you it is obviously not, therefore regardless of how anyone elses marriages are after 7 years, it is a problem. You feeling ignored for 2 days out of 7 is not ok. It's not normal and it is a problem.

No real advice to be honest, I'm not very good at that sort of thing, but wanted to answer your post anyway.

[womblemonster]

Like you say, you're in a rut. Everyone goes through it, the important thing is you've recognised it and want to change.

What's his reaction if you make interesting plans for the weekend or suggest, ahem, bedroom-related activity instead of the blinking laptop??

[anonymous85]

Is he generally a quiet sort of person?

[Broodymomma]

Hi - thanks for all the responses.

DH I would not say is quiet as such it just comes across as he cant be bothered. If someone was to ring him though whilst we were sitting in silence pretty much he would happily chat away no problem. Re the blackberry I feel for you! DH has one too and when the laptop goes away he is right on that. Have tried to lure him away from the laptop but he just says -"well we are not doing anything else"

Feel like such a whinge when I read it all back but it really is starting to affect me - have spoken to him about it but getting nowhere. Just feel like I bore him stupid. Thanks again